Need Urgent Help

[Stinkweed]

Okay, there's this friend of mine... She's a girl, and we were pretty good friends ever since my junior year in HS (she was a sophomore). Then on my senior year, by the time we had reached about midpoint, she started to act way too clingy... As for me, I was very concerned with the beckoning of graduation, prom and stuff. So I kinda felt like I needed some time for myself, but she kept acting very clingy. She wanted me to be around her like all the time... So, I sorta started avoiding her, and stuff. I never talked to her again. She did call me once over the summer for her birthday party, inviting me, and said she'd call me back to tell me the address and stuff, but never did. Then a couple of months later she text messaged me sayin she missed me (she's a senior now), and stuff. We exchanged messages, and stuff. And she messaged me again today sayin she wants to visit me or somethin... The thing is I feel so bad cause for her, I'm still a friend. But I mean, it's so hard to explain, maybe I'm a horrible person... I mean, for starters I'd be kinda ashamed if she saw what kind of a loser/misfit I am now. Also I guess I don't want the past anymore, cause it makes the present so much harder... I mean, I'm trying my best to be happy now (all my HS friends went separate ways, some of them are even on Iraq...), without any friends, and I think things are starting to be okay... Anyway, I wish I could've just been forgotten by her, but when I think about it, then she maybe genuinely misses me, and maybe she's a great friend to me, and I'm just an ***hole (even though I probably should be in no position to be one, cause I have no friends here in college). Please, I have no idea what to do about it... Should I text her back or something (who knows... I mean, it feels like she's a great friend, but I'm such an ***whipe I probably don't deserve it cause if I did I shouldn't even be having these second thoughts...)? Or should change my number, or tell her that she shouldn't text me anymore and just forget about me (see, that'd make me such a jerk... not only in her eyes, but in the eyes of god or everything that's right...). Please help ASAP. Thank you so much. Best wishes.

[eremy]

First off, not trying to be mean, but please quit putting yourself down...it's not fun to read, and it doesn't do you any personal good...so be a little more confident I'm sure you aren't that bad of a guy at all. I don't see any harm in being friends with this girl. You stopped just because she was being clingy? Did it ever occur to you that she might actually LIKE you and wanted something beyond a friendship? I really don't think she's trying to contact you and wants to hang out because she doesn't really mean it...I mean, why would she bother if you are already not there?

 

Do you want to be friends with her? if so, harbor a friendship, no harm in that, but...it involves communication. If somebody is being clingy and getting too close for comfort, you need to let them know that so they at least have a chance to fix that before you just ignore and avoid them. If you don't want a friendship with this person, I think you should tell her that. Oh, and don't be ashamed of who/what you are. If you're happy with yourself, who cares?

[Stinkweed]

First off, not trying to be mean, but please quit putting yourself down...it's not fun to read

 

I'm sorry... It's just that I already had the feeling that doing what I wanted to do (which is ignoring her) was gonna be the wrong thing to do... But I dunno... Anyway, about the liking part, people used to joke about that and she did express disgust at the idea (and I kinda would agree on the feeling... I just don't find her attractive that way...). Plus she had a boyfriend (at least she did before she got all clingy and stuff... and she never mentioned a break-up)... Anyway, I guess I'll try to communicate then. I mean, I already tried that once, but I didn't quite know how to say it to her that she was being clingy... I just said I had no time to be there 24/7... Anyway, I guess I gotta take a deep breath then... Thank you for your reply. Best wishes.

[eremy]

yeah I wasn't trying to come off badly. Sounds like a good plan. Of course nobody likes to be told their clingy either, but I think there's better ways to go about it if you try, and still be pretty honest and forward. "I'd rather hang by myself today/night, I need some "me" time"...I dunno, that does seem like just a temporary thing, but yeah, it's better than being ignored.

[Stinkweed]

that does seem like just a temporary thing, but yeah, it's better than being ignored.

 

 

That's what I'm talking about... Is there a more permanent thing that's not gonna be harsh? I mean, in high school I was very unhappy when I had no friends. Now I kinda wanna be happy alone... Know what I mean? Man, I just wish she had forgotten about me. I don't wanna be a jerk...

[eremy]

Not sure what to tell you on that one. Honesty says "right now I'm just doin my own thing, I don't really want to try persuing any friendships"

 

Will this make you a jerk? I don't think so. Will it hurt her feelings, probably...just by the fact of what it is. But it's really up to you what you want to do. I think it's better than leading somebody on *shrugs*

[Stinkweed]

I think it's better than leading somebody on *shrugs*

 

So true, which is why I couldn't sleep last night... Man it's just that things shouldn't be like this... I mean, we never even hung out outside school. She had friends she hung out with outside school. Why would she even remember me? I myself had friends I hung out with a couple of times outside school, and we all still just went our separate ways (some went on to the army and stuff thus I don't even have a clue of any way to contact them), and I never talked to them again after graduation... I mean, sure I wouldn't mind ME visiting her ONCE maybe and just talk. I mean, whatever I do, I guess I better do it soon, cause I know what it feels to be lead on... And I don't wanna do it to her. Well, thank you so much. Best wishes.