rant on my lovelife

[aikanfly]

ok. i'm pretty sure i'm insane here. when i was 14 i developed a huge crush on my twin brother's (ex)best friend (we are now all eighteen). i'll call him kevin. he goes to another school so i hardly ever got to see him. i harbored this consuming thing for a year before confessing to my best friend. then i harbored it for another year (16 years old now...) until i got so sick of it that i called him up and told him just to be rid of it. he was shocked (who wouldn't be?) and very gently broke my heart. only it felt SO GOOD to finally let that out that i didn't notice my broken heart until it started to destroy any attempt at an actual relationship with someone else.

 

there have been two boys since then (one i'm currently involved with) both boys since then have liked me A LOT (as much as i liked kevin, maybe) but i can't seem to muster up any sort of physical attraction. i adore them, and i enjoy their company and their friendship, but...

 

i swear i thought i was over him. i saw him a while later and i felt NOTHING. i was glad to see him sure, i care about him, but i didn't FEEL anything. which made me soo happy to be rid of it.

 

only today i saw kevin for the first time in like six months and i FELT IT. and so now i'm wondering if i'm IN LOVE (such a grown-up idea that it scares me) with him because i care so much about this kid...i care so much about him that i'm certain i love him. even if i'm not in love with him. but maybe i am. and i'd be okay with living with unrequited love or whatever except i'm supposed to be (finally)beginning this new relationship with a guy (call him sean)who could be my. best. friend. and i thought we were getting there.

 

but i just found out he's been attracted to me from the beginning, BEFORE he really knew me. (he's kind of a wuss. i kissed HIM first, just to give him some courage to do what he wanted to and still it took him a month to ask me out) if i was convinced that sean was interested in me first than interested in my body, maybe this could work, though i'm terrified i don't like him like that anymore. or maybe i'm thinking about ruining the best thing that ever happened to me for a pipe dream. help.

[aikanfly]

i'm not asking for advice or anything, i'm sure this will blow over in a little while, i just want reassurance that i'm a perfectly normal teenager with (relatively) the same problems as everyone else. if i am not, i would like to hear that too.

[EmptySoul]

wow you sound so much like me its not even funny... lol. i loved a guy he loved me we both screwed up tried to move on...but guess what, it didnt work. we still love each other. and everything with other guys is fun but always missing something....so yes it majorly screws stuff up with other guys, and if that guy ur recently with really likes you, is it right to be with him when you care so much about/love that other guy? prolly not lol. this situation would be so easy to solve is this guy liked you back, but from what you said, he doesnt... if you are determined to keep liking this guy, you should break it off or just take a breather with this recent guy and try to get the other one. just make sure you're not seeming desperate-that might be part of the problem. maybe play hard to get or try to make him jealous or something. if none of this works, the only thing left to do is move on...it would be hard considering how much u seem to like him, but being in love ALONE isnt a love thats meant to be...