What does it all mean?

[Angstyboi]

We got into bit of a fight today...she said some things that offended me, and it did hurt. She still wants to see me tomorrow in person which is like when we really get along. But is this normal for someone who is supposebly falling in love with you to say some hurtful things over the phone and still want to see you? Well, I might as well add that she is on her period, I don't know if that matters much but maybe it does? The whole thing started when she told me she may go to a party but tells me that she won't do anything "stupid", I still detest it. But the point is, there was a fight, words were exchanged, she's on her period, I'm hurt, she's seeing me tomorrow(sunday), what should I do? Forgive and forget, kiss make up? Any quick advice please? Thanks.

[talo]

Hi JJ. (Not sure what the hurtful things over the phone were. It would be helpful if you were more specific in future.)

 

She has told you previously that she wants to 'hang loose' in so many words and now she tells you she may go to a party but reassures you she wont do anything stupid and I imagine you acting jealous and saying something not appropriate.

 

You may not like what she says or does all the time. This is love. Love is not always about what we _want_. It seems she is 'seeing how you cope' with her doing 'different things' and if you continue to be jealous and possesive, she may 'back out'.

 

You are going to have to 'cool it'. When you see her tomorrow, just quickly appologise for how you were yesterday and then continue to be pleased to be with her. And when you are not with her concentrate on other interests.

[Angstyboi]

Thank you so much Talo. You're right. I've apologised many times before but hopefully she'll accept it this time. She just said things with attitude and kept wanting to hang up, stuff like that. I'll apologize and accept what she wants to do, hopefully nothing that will jeapordize whatever she wants to do with me. And yeah...I did act jealous On another note, I asked her if she likes me, she said "actually yeah, or else I wouldn't be here trying to make things better" and then she followed with "I deeply care about you". I don't think she knows what I meant but maybe she does. Anyway, can her period have to do with anything you think? Thanks again.

[anonymo]

She's just as confused as you. Don't try to figure out what she is thinking. Think about what you want and whether she is worth the risk of getting hurt. Don't overthink her actions and don't be afraid to ask her the same questions you are asking on this forum. If you do everything you can not to lose her, you will lose her.

-Good luck

[talo]

Hi JJ,

She knows what you mean Periods appear to affect different women in different ways. Don't put too much emphasis on this. Just be cool. you're a great guy: I can feel it. Have fun

[talo]

If you do everything you can not to lose her, you will lose her.

Might be helpful to explain a little on what you mean by this Anonymo.

[talo]

By the way JJ you are not interested in whether she accepts your appology or not. You are merely showing that you now realise that what happened was not appropriate and this is all.

[Angstyboi]

I see what you mean Talo. I will apologize and carry on a happy day for the most part tomorrow. I'm just worried because everything was going so well, and I hope this doesn't change anything. Any kisses she wanted to give me(she said she wanted to before the fight), cuddling, and whatever else I was looking forward to.

[Angstyboi]

Well anyway yesterday was pretty tramatizing which I really don't want to talk about right now because I really don't know what went on half the time. Then it began to get happier, she said that she'd like only kisses on the cheek, etc. From now on. I asked "do you think one day, it could be on the lips again" she half way nodded, stopped, thought, smiled and said "maybe! I don't know." First we went to a pizza place because she was hungry so I bought her some pizza and a drink. She sat down, so I went to another table in the back to sit down(I really just needed to gather myself). All the while she kept looking back and staring till she was finally ready and came over to me so we can go. We went out to the movie (Pirates of the Caribbean 2) but it started in a few hours so we went to the billiar hall. We played Ping Pong all the while she was joking, I was making her laugh. And then she said "lets play air hockey, I'll pay!" so we did. I won, again joking all the while, we played again and she won once again laughing, etc. I asked her if she likes me better then this kid named Naces who she had previously had a bit of a crush on(she admitted that it could just be an infatuation) and she normally wouldn't respond so outright to this question but she said, "yes! I like you alot more then Naces" We played some more game and left to see the movie. I requested that I don't sit next to her during the movie and she said "no, you're sitting with me". So I was walking away as a joke and she kept pinching my butt and, point is it was all pretty fun. We got into the theatre and I sat else where while she started reading a book, before the movie aired. Right before show time I went to her, she smiled. I asked what snacks she wants and what drink and once again demanded that I sit with her. So I got the snacks and did but sat a seat away but once again, patted the seat next to her so I gave in and did. We watched the movie, she was having fun laughing, I wasn't laughing but I was enjoying myself. She told me to lay down on her a few times so I did but ended up sitting up anyway. After the movie ended, we both began to just walk away from eachother. So much that even if I were to stop(which I did) she would just keep going. I wasn't feeling very good while walking behind her so catching up to her was becoming a real problem, I didn't know what was going on, I didn't get any sleep the previous day and the only thing I had to eat was pop corn. She came to a stop at an intersection and I told her I wasn't feeling good so she told me to sit. We talked, she told me she doesn't want me for money, sex, or anything other then for me to be there for her. I wound up taking the train with her home to which she fell asleep on me. I kissed her on the cheek and I was about to go to sleep myself. She turned her face around as if to say, "this one too". So I did, then she puckered her lips a little, implying the same thing(I hope) so I did and she went to sleep on me. When we got to her station, she kissed me on my lips a few times and left.

 

Now I left some things out, but lets just say in the beginning it was very confusing and it involved me getting very very angry at myself. The reason I didn't want to sit next to her was to fight my own temptations. All I know is, I think I screwed up any possibility to ever get back with her, I even asked her why she does such things that symbolize effection with me and she simply said "I don't notice". But when i told her she would just stay quiet. I really don't get anything, one second I'm being treated like everyone else in her life, next I'm being treated then more then just a friend which she actually said.

[Angstyboi]

It's a bad sign when you start considering suicide all over again, but it's not something to worry about, I'm stronger then those feelings. But I feel like I screwed up badly, I should have just let time deal with it. But fine I'll fill in the rest now.

 

Once again, let me put it in dialogue form:

 

*I lay down on my bed

Naima: Move over.

*I move over.

*She lays down with her butt awfully close to my waist.

*I get up

Justin: Maybe I should lay on the floor or something.

Naima: Stop being silly.

Justin: Really, I can. I've done it before.

Naima: Just lay back down.

*I lay back down

Justin: Alright, I'll just go take a bath.

Naima: Justin...*awwf!*

*I take a quick bath and come back out to see her eyes closed on my bed.

*I take my blanket and pillow and go to the floor.

Naima: What are you doing?

Justin: *Smile* Going to relax on the floor. Shh just go to sleep.

Naima: Whatever...

*I lay on my back thinking, looking at the cieling.

*She turns over and looks at me.

Naima: Justin, come back and lay next to me, I'm not asking.

Justin: ...Fine.

*I lay next to her again with her butt awefully close to that place...

*I jolt a little to which she responds with a sexual breath

Naima: No fair...

Justin: What?...

Naima: It's just been a while.

Justin: Heh as if anyone else did it, it'd be just as good. *I was joking*

Naima: It's just been a while.

Justin: So if anyone else did it, it would feel just as good?...*I was increasingly getting more serious*

Naima: *Shrugs*

Justin: Oh...

 

Alot of it is just a blurr(no nothing happened), but it wound up with me sitting there in tears. She began to take her shirt off and I stopped her and turned around and closed my eyes and teared. She sat there with her top part exposed and began to undo my belt, I told her "do you think this is all I want you for?! sex?" to which she responded "it's all I can give you". I teared a bit more and collapsed onto my bed and she fixed herself and me. She held herself and said "I don't like when anyone touches me". That sentence used to be followed with "except you" but it wasn't. She got up out of bed and put her jacket on. I started to cry(yes I'm a wussy) and said "don't leave..." so she sat down and said "the more I stay, the more both of us gets hurt". She was right, but I wanted her to stay. I went under my blanket...the look of fear she had when she told me she didn't like being touched was the same look as when she got her stuff robbed(I made a topic about it) when I got furious at the guy and wanted to kill him only this time...I did it. I punched my self in the head repeatedly(yeah...I'm a psycho), I was so mad at myself. Then it led into everthing else I posted.

[Angstyboi]

Sorry if my posts are too long but can anyone give me a holler?

[talo]

Hi JJ

Not sure what to say.

You seem to be expecting too much of her and yourself.

[Angstyboi]

Should I have expected failure?