really getting upset...so is she

[dosmenudo]

I made the following post a few days ago, and since then it has happened two more times. It seems to be getting worse rather than better. Yesterday, she told me she wanted to have sex, and in the process of getting the condom I lost my erection. She became discouraged and we just gave up for the night. Then tonight we are in the middle of foreplay when I put the condom on, thinking that if I got it on right away that I would be okay...WRONG! I lost my erection nearly a minute during intercourse. I am 20 years old, this should not be happening to me! Afterwards she gave me a handjob and I came perfectly fine, no problems at all. She proceeded to get upset because I was able to stay hard and cum from that but that I could not while inside of her. Please someone tell me what to do to make this stop. I'm assuming it is becoming a mental thing more than anything, but I don't know how to stop thinking about it. She is getting frustrated because she thinks that it is her fault; I don't see how it could be though, and no matter how many times I tell her she keeps getting more upset about it. She is getting so discouraged to the point where she is saying we should just stop doing it completely. I definitely do not want that because I'm sure it will stop eventually. Any suggestions would be great as I have no idea what to do. Here is my previous post:

[nottoogreen]

Your problem is purely that you worry. She getting upset does not help but she probably worries about it being her fault. You have to enjoy together. Please explain to her that it is not her fault but she should be supportive and understanding. You have to talk to each other openly to understand the whole story of your worries.

 

Here is my previous reply:

[cacain119]

My boyfriend has this problem from time to time and he's just a few years older than you... It's worry, I promise you, it's been happening to us for a while now on and off... Maybe he's stressed about work (often, it's not even ME) and sometimes it's too late at night, sometimes he's in the mood but he's not "all there" -- often it's a "whoops, it happened" and then us both getting upset and frustrated about it. It takes BOTH partners chilling out when it happens... just stop, relax, let her give you a hand job for a little while, then try again, or let her give you kisses... or whatever gets the motor goin again... the biggest thing is it takes 2 to tango, and it takes 2 to work out the negatives sometimes.. that stuff will happen and it will only be more consistent if you guys keep getting more frustrated/angry/sad/disappointed, etc.

[elveden]

A study in california actually proved that the main reason men are unable to achieve a climax or keep an erection during sex was because they worried about pregnancy. From what you're saying, this sounds exactly like what the problem is for you..

 

Just relax and enjoy it. If sex becomes something which induces fear or worry, then it loses every ounce of meaning and enjoyment. Her going on the pill sounds like the best and quickest solution but the important thing is to talk to each other and find a the solution together.

[Scotcha]

Your problem is purely that you worry. She getting upset does not help. You have to enjoy together and she should be supportive and not so selfish. Talk to her!

 

Here is my previous reply: ]

 

I agree with nottoogreen 97%. The exception is that I don't believe his girlfriend is being selfish. I think that she is personalizing it due to insecurity and really does believe that it is her fault.

 

I really do feel that this is all because you are worried about pregnancy and that is truly why. Tell her this and ask her again if she has made an appointment for birth control. Maybe if she realizes how much this will help put your mind at ease she'll make it a priority.

[nottoogreen]

I agree with nottoogreen 97%. The exception is that I don't believe his girlfriend is being selfish. I think that she is personalizing it due to insecurity and really does believe that it is her fault.

 

I really do feel that this is all because you are worried about pregnancy and that is truly why. Tell her this and ask her again if she has made an appointment for birth control. Maybe if she realizes how much this will help put your mind at ease she'll make it a priority.

 

Scotcha, thank for your most sensible input. I should express myself softer and also consider that she is not very experienced and agree that she is more inscure than selfish. I'll edit my post.

[CharLit]

Hello Dosmenudo,

 

I agree with the above posts... it happened once because you were worried about the condom, and after it had happened you've had the combined worry of her getting pregnant AND the worry of losing your erection. I think it wil get better the second she gets on birth control.

 

I also agree with scotcha: your girlfriend is probably convinced you don't find her attractive anymore. Tell her she's beautiful, and that it's all about the fear of pregnancy - this should motivate her to get a move on with the BC!

 

Don't worry, you'll be fine once that is sorted!