Sick of the same crap/pain

[kittenmoomoo]

Hi everyone, here goes my problem *sigh*:

I've been with my so called bf for nearly 3 years and although it's been rocky at times, I thought we were quite strong together. Basically, I feel as though he keeps disappointing me. He breaks his promises, doesn't call me, won't answer when I call. I know, this sounds so pathetic and I always go back for more. Lately it just hurts so much, but my heart can't let go, I don't want to let go. Most recent event was a few weeks ago, we had a fight over something really petty at the shops and I stormed off and went home (Don't worry, he was with a friend). Well, I called him that night and all that happened was we fought more until the point he turned his phone off. 7 days went past and no contact, I was okay, 14 days went past and it just hurt too much. I had tried to call him, but no answer or his phone was off. I got to a point where it hurt too much, so my friend and I rocked up at his house and confronted him. Basically he didn't call me because at first he was mad, then he stopped going to work and then got fired, so he was too scared to call me because he thought I'd be mad that he would have no money and we couldn't go on holiday (which we were planning). I got over that and yes I know, it is a poor excuse because I don't care about money. But I guess I'm just weak. Anyway, we had a good week, then he did it to me again. He stopped calling me and wouldn't answer when I call. That hurt so much especially because I told him how much it hurt me. Anyway so I rocked up at his friends place cause I knew he was there and he said he didn't call because he didn't want to go to my friends birthday dinner and he said I was forcing him. Whatever, so I got over that, we hung out and the next night I finally told him exactly what I thought about him and how hurt I was, I cried, I shouted. Well, that was last night, we left on good terms and he said he would meet me after work. I had the worst day at work and I needed him so bad. I called him, no answer, I thought maybe his waiting down stairs, nothing, I thought maybe at my car, nobody. Now it just hurts so much. Am I so stupid that I keep coming back for more heart ache. It's obvious I should let go, right? Why can't I? I don't want to talk to people about my problems anymore because they must think I'm stupid, constantly going through the same sh*t. My head tells me I'm weak and stupid, my heart proves to me I'm weak. I feel like I can't breathe without him, just hearing his voice makes my life so much better. I know I can't keep going through this, I work full time and I study too, but I can't sleep which means I can't concentrate. I feel depressed, but when I'm with him I'm so happy. I know his not cheating, but he smokes a lot of pot. I think thats why he keeps pushing me away. Yes, I know I'm making excuses. What am I suppose to do? Does anyone else go through this or am I the only fool?

Thanks for your time and I hope you can help me. ](*,)

[itsallgrand]

Yes, I know I'm making excuses. ](*,)

 

Well, it sounds like he simply isn't reliable. Or maybe he hasn't yet learned some skills.

 

This is hurting you though.

 

A lot of people have been your position or are in your position right now. I did it: stayed with someone even when it wasn't working and it was draining me. Why? I had hope, I wanted it to work very badly, and I loved him.

 

You have two options when it comes down to it:

1)Stay with him. Continue to lose sleep, face disappointments which disrupt your life.

2)Say good-bye while the two of you still feel love for each other.

 

good luck. It's a slow time right now, but I'm sure you'll get lots of responses soon.

[icanttakeitanymore]

It honestly sounds a lot like my relationship was.. We have now been together for 3 1/2 years, but early on he did the exact same to me. Never called, when I called never answered. Would ignore me for a week or just days at a time. He would say he's going to show up but then never does and never calls. He always had some excuse. But it hurt soooo bad and al I wanted was to hear his voice. I mean what you just said SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE ME! Or at least how I was.

 

To be honest, not saying this is his problem, my BF was hard core into drugs and alcohol. I had no clue when he was doing this. He was seperating himself from me because he didn't want to bring me into the situation he was in. Now that could be what your BF is doing. He doesn't want to bring you into something in his life that is going on right now. It kinda sounds like he could be depressed and just doesn't want to have to argue and put you through his issues.

 

But How long has he done this? Just recently? If it's been the whole 3 yrs. I would say he is just not reliable. And if it is hurting you that much, you will do so much better without him. And if he wants you, he'll fix his issues and come back.

 

It's what me and my BF went through. We broke up twice cause he was dealing with his problems and I was just going to get hurt in the process of him fixing his life and starting a new. But he did come back cause he loved me.

 

My advice is to first of think if htis is a new habbit of his or old. If old...talk to him about it and set a time frame..if he doesn't change his habbits in a matter of months,years, whatever you decide. Then he just doens't care. ANd you don't need to be involved in that. If it's a new habbit. Talk to him anyway ask him if there is something going on that is making him distant himself from you. Maybe it's a simple problem that will change.

[assumeLove]

my BF was hard core into drugs and alcohol. I had no clue when he was doing this. He was seperating himself from me because he didn't want to bring me into the situation he was in.

Sounds just like one of the guys I dated. I found out when he was jailed for DUI on my birthday--I'd known about the pot, but learned that all of those times he'd called off dates or just failed to show were due to heavier drugs and alcohol. He was afraid of losing me if he missed my birthday, but he was weaving in and out of the breakdown lane trying to get to my place.