Hate - on two levels

[anonymous_presence]

How many of you out there hate yourselves? Probably a lot. Most of us have experienced the sort of hate associated with ambition, the sort that we feel when we feel shamefully inadequate, when we're embarrassed or regretful. The sort you feel when you squeam at the thought of who you are relative others, how inferior or small you might feel. Or even relative someone who you could potentially be, but for some reason or another aren't. We can all relate to that, and we can all think of wonderfully helpful ways to stop it (improve yourself, stop caring about what others think, read self help books - yes, all wonderful, feasible advice).

 

But is there another type of self-hate? Can you hate yourself as though you were someone else, the type of hate the develops for no real apparent reason? You know the way you hate an enemy, that's probably based on something trivial, that type of hate. The hate that you can't bury, that's so deeply ingrained within you so as to be inextricable. The hate you feel when you see that person you loathe to an unjustifiable extent. Do any of you feel that sort of hate towards yourself, one that exists completely independent of reason? The type you'd feel if you were to see yourself physically duplicated in reality, that would make your stomach churn and tighten with something that disgust doesn't quite adequately describe. Do you all relate?

[tyler711]

By your... vibrant... description of what I assume is your hate towards your self, I'd say yes, it's absolutely possible. I cannot, and will not, relate. Why? Because I love myself. Not in an egocentrical or narcissistic sense, just a good reserve of confidence and charisma. When circumstances are bad, I do not blame myself unless it was myself that caused this event. If it were my own hands that were the source of evil, I would hate my actions, not myself. When situations happen, do you not do everything to can to correct them? Be angry at the cause, not at the recepient. Do you hate yourself when it rains outside? Get an umbrella. Hate yourself when the bills are piling up? Work more overtime. Wife or girlfriend leave you? Find out the source of the problem and fix it. There's a time in everybody's life when you are the only friend you have, and no one else but you can pull you out of the grave that you dug. Why destroy that? Do you hate yourself because of some cause and effect (some event that had a negative impact on you and you blame your self), or something else?

[PRSOV]

I can't say that I have ever really hated myself, I'm not really quite sure if I love myself but I have respect myself for what I have achieved in my life. Sure there are things that happen in my life which I deeply regret but that's the meaning of life? To make mistakes and learn from them... what would really be achieved from a straight-lived perfect life? It would be boring.

 

"Hating" yourself is such a strong word and I don't believe anyone should ever 'hate' themselves, we all have good qualities... and some bad usually depending on the type of person you are and how you interact with other people. As tyler said above there are lonely times in your life when you are the only one who can help yourself even if you are surrounded by the loving family you have, it just isn't enough... How can you possibly get through this if you hate yourself? It just digs you into an even deeper hole...

 

Be proud of yourself what you are aiming to achieve in life, look for the light and the end of the tunnel and aim for it...

[anonymous_presence]

I understand what you both are saying. PRSOV, you said that people shouldn't hate themselves because they have good qualities. But that's not necessarily true. I have difficulty accepting that, because not everyone is inherently good, not everyone can contribute something to society (operating under the assumption that the greater purpose in life is to give back, and by doing so you somehow redeem yourself of your mistakes).

 

There are people out there who just repulse you, and that's purely a subjective statement, but how else could you that type of hate towards other people? There are people out there who are dumb, not funny, not kind, not considerate, just people you can't stand, and it's not a question of some intrinsic quality in the person at question that makes them so disagreeable, rather a mismatch between you and that person. Point being it's just not something you can fix, not something you can grab an umbrella for. And when you feel that towards yourself, it's a completely power-stripping ordeal.

 

On the other hand, how can you justify believing that if you are a good person, you will be liked? It implies that there are bad people who won't be like: what consolation do those people have? It's silly to say that every is everyone else's equal, because it's purely an optimistic, idealistic statement. But it implies that there are inferiors and there are superiors (not in terms of power, but in terms of goodness if such a thing could be measured). This imbalance just confounds me, especially because I view myself on the bottom of the scale, with three fingers clutching the bottom most wrung trying desperately to stabilize my grip.

 

Tyler, there's a split between who I am inside and who I am outside, but this split is massive. Enormous. I hate who I come off as to others. So I guess I don't experience that second type of hate in the sense that I hate my true self, because I don't. But I'm more interested in the hypothetical I suppose.

[tyler711]

There are people out there who just repulse you, and that's purely a subjective statement, but how else could you that type of hate towards other people? There are people out there who are dumb, not funny, not kind, not considerate, just people you can't stand, and it's not a question of some intrinsic quality in the person at question that makes them so disagreeable, rather a mismatch between you and that person.

 

Some of these people are sociopaths. What they do and how they act brings them pleasure, so they can't hate themselves for it.

[Derge]

I have never hated myself as if you have morals and abided by them you should never hate yourself. Hating yourself for what idiot percieve of you is wrong. also anyone else think that who the hell has the right to tell me what to do? If it bothers no one else it should be legal and who determines who can make laws or not its hypocrisy also government hand outs to some and not others who are the same or maybe even more deservant of it.

[anonymous_presence]

Some of these people are sociopaths. What they do and how they act brings them pleasure, so they can't hate themselves for it.

 

I don't necessarily mean that there are people out there who are bad. I just mean that there are people out there who are average. Average to the most absolute degree. The type of person that is probably heavily acne scarred, terribly insecure, neither bright nor dumb, who wind up working for their fathers as a subordinate or in the local Subway in the storage room; in short, the type of person that you wouldn't notice: someone invisible. Many they've got some great personality lurking inside, but maybe they are just as they appear on the surface, so neutral, so insignificant.

 

How can you deal with self-hate as one of these people when everyone's actions around you seem to justify this hate? When people ignore you, when people even give you dirty looks, how can you not say, "Hey, well there must be something wrong with me?" How can you not succumb to it, when you're only consolation at the end of the day is loneliness, desperate loneliness, and you gaze at the wall in deep reflection, unable to come up with any other explanation to dismiss your problems away?

 

This question of hate is so baffling - I keep losing my train of thought. How can you reconcile hate based on the premise that people can deserve hate? On what grounds is hate warranted? Hate implies inferiority, which again is another concept that's difficult for me to accept, despite the fact that I know it exists (inferiority implies betterness; so speaking as someone inferior, what does that leave me with? While superiors are out their relishing their happiness, must I nurse my wounds because I am inferior?). Alas, answers are hard to come by.