Urge to email or call

[SilverCloud]

I have been on NC for 2 months and almost 2 weeks. why do i still get an urge to contact him. Why even when i realize its not gona work i still want to be with him?

 

Maybe its cause he was my first or maybe cause i dont want him to be with someone else... Why am i still missing him sooo much... i want to stop yet i cant...why do i feel jealous of him being with someone else?

 

I soo badly want to contact him...

[radient_dominion]

Ugh, I hate break ups. I know it's hard and you want to contact him, but especially if you're feeling angry towards him, it's probably best to stay strong and not.

 

If he misses you and wants to talk, he'll come to you.

[SilverCloud]

Ugh, I hate break ups. I know it's hard and you want to contact him, but especially if you're feeling angry towards him, it's probably best to stay strong and not.

 

If he misses you and wants to talk, he'll come to you.

 

thank you, but sadly i know he wont....

[radient_dominion]

well if he won't, he is not worth your time.

 

You said yourself in your post that you know it's not going to work out.

 

I...did not follow the advice I gave above and continued to contact an ex. What I wanted...worked. We DID have somewhat of a "pseudo relationship" for a very long time, and I was satisfied because I was avoiding all of the hurt...the type of hurt you're dealing with now.

 

But all of that eventually had to come to an end, and I know I made things a thousand times worse for myself by not being willing to let go.

 

Trust me, don't contact him.

 

Have respect for yourself. You're deserving of someone magnificent, I'm sure.

[SilverCloud]

well if he won't, he is not worth your time.

 

You said yourself in your post that you know it's not going to work out.

 

I...did not follow the advice I gave above and continued to contact an ex. What I wanted...worked. We DID have somewhat of a "pseudo relationship" for a very long time, and I was satisfied because I was avoiding all of the hurt...the type of hurt you're dealing with now.

 

But all of that eventually had to come to an end, and I know I made things a thousand times worse for myself by not being willing to let go.

 

Trust me, don't contact him.

 

Have respect for yourself. You're deserving of someone magnificent, I'm sure.

 

Thank you again... the reason i said he wont is cause i was the one who always went back to him... the reason he accepted me back was probably because he didnt want to let go or probably because he too hoped for it to work. Plus he told me the first time we got back together(with me begging) that he didnt want to hurt me anymore but also that he was miserable without me. He is a good guy but his experiences with his mother and ex-wife have created this belief in him that women will hurt him. I tried sooo hard to get him to feel not everyone is like that by talking to him politely, trying to get to see him no matter how hard or how much time it took. I have been told by mutual friends that he only wanted to take from the relationship but never give. I on the other hand believe that i too hurt him in the beginning cause i couldn’t find a way to stand up to my parents, but then after the first breakup he became cold.

 

I keep thinking of the person before the breakup and i cant in my mind imagine the changed person. Why would he change if he has accepted my apologies and let me get back to him? Why does it seem like i was dealing with two different people? Where did the guy who I fell in love with go?

 

The reason it wont work is cause he refuses to let go of my past mistakes. And after he would take me back i felt like even the smallest thing will make him angry at me. It was like i was on a leash. But i still ignored all this cause i wanted to be with him and wanted to make it work no matter what. Why cant i take my own advice i give to everyone else to forget bad relationships?

[gratefulpain]

Somewhere....the man of your dreams is waiting... he doesn't know you exist yet but he'll know you when he sees you... then after you date and some time passes he will look at you and say.... "im so glad you're still not with that other guy" else we would have never met.

[SilverCloud]

Somewhere....the man of your dreams is waiting... he doesn't know you exist yet but he'll know you when he sees you... then after you date and some time passes he will look at you and say.... "im so glad you're still not with that other guy" else we would have never met.

 

 

Thank you for saying such kind words, they bought tears to my eyes, (not of sadness)...i guess i fear that will probably never happen for me..

[radient_dominion]

"I keep thinking of the person before the breakup and i cant in my mind imagine the changed person."

 

This line really struck me. I posted earlier today, mostly a vent, asking for advice, and Relationship_Coach said some great things to me that I think you could benefit from as well.

 

"I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this but you really need to pinpoint what it is that you are hung up on him about. "

...

"The realness and honesty of a relationship comes to shape over time and many people find out years down the road that the person who they fell in love with is not really the same person anymore. Not because they changed but because they reverted to whom they really were in the first place. "

 

That line really hit me.

 

My ex, like yours had some real problems with his family. He dealed with abuse when he was younger...when we had problems, I tried to find ways to make it MY fault, as if to maintain some sense of control over things.

 

In one of your threads you went on and on making excuses for him, talking about his mother, ex wife, and his inability to trust women as you oh-so eloquently have psychoanalyzed.

 

My dear, I've learned the hard way that you can't fix people. It may be true that he's got issues, but do you really expect any sort of a good, solid functional relationship if he has such problems? Things were good when your relationship started...but...(see what Relationship_Coach) had to say...

 

I know it's hard, but you've gotta try and move on. Like I said before, stay strong and don't contact him.

 

You're in my thoughts.

[SilverCloud]

My dear, I've learned the hard way that you can't fix people. It may be true that he's got issues, but do you really expect any sort of a good, solid functional relationship if he has such problems?

 

I know people dont change but when i think about people i tend to see them as how i would react to things, or would things effect me.

 

See i have learned a lot in life and many a times i realize there is still room for me to be a better human. I feel that everyone else has faults just like i do. Thus i also realize that people can change, you cant make them change but you can help them see a different prospective of things(not in a manupilative way). But to give them a security to react differently without fear of being hurt.

 

I am sorry if i sound tooo idealistic, i have been told by friends that i get overboard with that a lot.