why do guys say it's over with their ex when it really isn't

[SeaBisquit]

Why do guys do this? I keep getting into relationship with guys that have a ex, they say it's over. I found out it's not. It's the ex they really care about. I'm like some person that doesn't even really exist in their lives. Like just another number, just another girl that they can walk on top of. Why can't guys just be honest?

[Steven1607307306]

Hey, it's not all guys. I just got out of that last week. When we went out, she told me about her ex but I have nothing to worry about...then bam she breaks up with me, and just this morning her friend Holly tells me she went to his house last night and hasn't came home. So yea, don't think it's only guys that do this. I'm sorry, and I know exactly how you feel.

[TheLegend]

maybe they are trying to recover so they say it's over trying to make believe themselves into the fact that it is over when it's not in the back of their head..? Because after all, forgetting is not that easy..

[SeaBisquit]

I don't know. I would never start a relationship with someone new if I wasn't over someone old. When I'm done with the relationship I'm done. I think they are just using the person to ease their pain. Which is totally unfair.

[Steven1607307306]

I agree with you. Once I'm over somebody...I really am, and I couldn't/wouldn't go into a new relationship knowing that I still like/love my ex.

[TheLegend]

I think they are just using the person to ease their pain. Which is totally unfair.

 

Yes that might be the reason, because after all, they still need the emotional help they used to get from their ex, and without knowing it, they might be using you. Or maybe it's simply to make their ex jealous to gain them back. And when they think they succeeded, they go back, which usually don't work in long terms anyway.

[rosstheboss]

sounds like you are being used as a rebound. and serioulsy its not just guys that do this. my best friend started seeing a girl who suddenyl went back to her ex.

give him an ultimatium, its you or her and if he chooses her move on

[SeaBisquit]

hi ross,

the thing is i have given him an ultimatum. i asked him up front if he had any feelings for his ex whatsoever and he told me no. so i gave him the chance to fess up.

[Itsok]

Be more choosy about the people you are dating. You are obviously attracting these men repeatedly...why is that? It's something you should look within yourself about as well, not just blame the men for. Just my 2 cents...

[SeaBisquit]

itsok,

yeah i think i fugured that one out, and i thought i had the answer.

[novaseeker]

Sounds like a rebound to me. How can you tell in the future?

 

It may hard at the beginning to discern that. But one key piece of information is how long it has been since the breakup and whether or not there are any ongoing communications with the ex. Both of these are things to consider. Also pay attention to his general level of commitment to the relationship after a while ... if he still has no interest in a serious relationship, after a while, that could also be a warning factor.

[PrincessLinzay]

I think most people anymore have some type of ex baggage. It's unfortunate, but true.

 

Playing the devil's advocate here, many people go through a breakup and just when they think they're moving forward, the ex shows up to thwart their recovery. (Just check out these boards for further proof)

 

If the person involved was the dumpee, it feels so good to have their ex wanting them back, they jump right back in. If this happens when they had already started seeing someone else....well.....you can see the dilemma. It may be completely unintentional on their part.

 

Granted, this is not always the case. Some people have no intention of giving up on their ex and knowingly start dating some other poor unsuspecting person.

 

I think it's just a matter of really getting to know someone and what their intentions are before getting too involved. It can save a lot of pain.