date or 'just friends'

[xciwmff]

Just a little background: I'm 21 and have very little experience with dating/asking women out. I'm also pretty shy and at times fairly self-conscious.

 

My question: How do you ask someone out? I'm not really looking for how to build up the courage, but rather some examples of phrasing. Also, how bad is it to ask someone out in writing, ie, email, IM? It's just I'm much more comfortable when I have that cusion that the 'backspace' key provides.

[Markers]

show some courage and ask her in out in person if just possible. If not, then phone (it's a conversation even though you don't see eachother). If that's not possible, then write email.

 

You don't need the backspace. Don't plan any specific lines either, because you only get nervous and forget them and you basically mess it up. What I would suggest you to do is to find her and talk to her in person, talk to her for something like 2 mins so that you get a bit more comfortable talking to her and you can more casually say something like "so that was fun talking with you, let's grab coffee on place X at time Y and..." also the 2 min conversation gives you chances to judge her body language and see if she likes you.

[ducky]

I doubt you'll have the courage to ask her out in person. I will suggest asking through text messages on your mobile.

 

Something along the lines of "Hey I'm coming to this game on Sunday, you free to tag along?".

 

If she wants to give you a chance, she'll reply something like,

"Yeah sure" (best case scenario) or

"Erm I can't make it Sunday, but how about next week tuesday" (still good)

 

If she isn't interested, she'll reply something like

"no thanks"

 

If she doesn't reply, it's a good excuse to ask her in person (after 1-2 days): "Hey did you get my message the other day, about the game...", and from her reaction, you'll know whether she's giving you a chance, or she's totally not interested.

 

Note that I use the words "giving you a chance" because by accepting your invitation, it does not necessarily mean that she's interested in you too.

 

Good luck!

[xciwmff]

Now how do I know if it's a date or just hanging out with a friend?

[Lion-Guy]

My advice: Make it clear from the start that you want to take her on a date. It will save you a lot of headache and wasted time down the road. I promise you that.

[xciwmff]

My advice: Make it clear from the start that you want to take her on a date. It will save you a lot of headache and wasted time down the road. I promise you that.

 

I guess that's kinda what I was asking. How do I make it clear without sounding like uptight, bumbling fool? lol

[Lion-Guy]

I see what you are saying.

 

I think if you can do it in person it will show them more confidence, especially if you look the girl in the eye and don't look down cowardly.

 

But on the other hand if you get nervous easily, maybe the phone or e-mail would work better for you. Keep it short and simple.

 

Here are a few lines that have worked for me:

 

Can I take you out for coffee sometime?

 

I want to take you on a dinner date.

 

What are you doing saturday? Nothing.. Can I take you to a movie? Ok.

 

 

Of course a lot of it might depend on the girl and situation. If you think you might end up in the friend zone then don't hesitate to use the word "date" when you ask her out.

 

But don't be too worried about that, my last relationship of 3 years didn't start with a date. I asked her to go running with me. We went a few times together and things progressed from there.

 

Good luck.

[Ceema-k]

Here are a few lines that have worked for me:

 

Can I take you out for coffee sometime?

 

I want to take you on a dinner date.

 

What are you doing saturday? Nothing.. Can I take you to a movie? Ok.

 

What can I say? Best advice EVAAAAH

 

I totally concur. You have to think that you're a robot almost, and you're going to communicate with the girl in as straight-forward a manner as you can.

 

I'd even go a step further and not even ask for permission. Just say:

 

I'd like to take you out for (coffee/a dinner/a movie/ a darn good time). Are you free (tonight/tomorrow/this weekend/next week)?

 

Straight forward, direct, simple and polite.

[Lion-Guy]

What can I say?

I'd like to take you out for (coffee/a dinner/a movie/ a darn good time). Are you free (tonight/tomorrow/this weekend/next week)?

 

Straight forward, direct, simple and polite.

 

Exactly! Show your confidence.

 

 

And don't get dis-hearted if you get shot down. I just got a "no thank you" the other night. No big deal. There will be others.