Dealing with someone who's closed off

[Ecoastgirl]

I am having a hard time with my relationship. I dont understand some things about my guy friend that perhaps someone can help me with.

 

There are several things that bother me with this relationship (if i can even call it that since i am unclear), yet I really want to make it work.

 

For one, he does not ever tell me how he feels. His actions say that I mean a lot to him, but he never tells me. When I ask where our relationship is going, or what he sees with us he responds "i dont know" or "we will see". When i express concern over lack of answers he laughs and says "Do i ever give a straight answer?" and then "dont worry about it". However, he keep in constant contact and acts as if he cares for me a lot. Calls me night and day and gives gifts.. talks about "we" and "us" etc etc.

 

He is very closed off in another way. IF he is angry about something, his usual response is to go angry and silent. I never know if he is angry with me, or someone else. I of course think the worse, but he tells me that "nothing is wrong" there is no communication on his part.

 

I also had something happen last week that bothered me a lot. I was hurt by something he said to me. I will admit that I over-reacted, and it really wasnt that bad, but when I told him that he hurt me, his way of fixing the problem was to cut off all contact. I asked him if that was what he wanted? to break off all contact?, he said "no, but if he is the cause of my pain then that is the easiest way of fixing it"

 

I am not sure what to do.. this man does mean a lot to me, but I dont know how to work through this. Communication is key and it seems as if he keeps a distance perhaps to protect himself? Whenever there is any conflict, however small his usual response is "whatever" or "i dont give a crap"

 

If anyone has dealt with someone like this or knows of how I can handle this type of person please let me know. I am tired of the ache in my gut and the "not knowing".

[Ecoastgirl]

The ache in my gut is mainly when there is conflict. If I knew where I stood with him then I wouldnt maybe worry so much? If I knew that YES, we have a working relationship then maybe the little things wouldnt bother me so much.

 

I guess where my problem stems is here:

 

I have a real fear of being used, so is he closed off because of some past hurtfull experience or is it because this is some fling and really doesnt want me to know the truth?

 

I know noone will be able to answer this, but I am just wondering if someone else has dealt with someone like this and maybe was able to find some things out. Or IS like this and can shed some light.