Getting over shyness, your experiences

[TheDMan05]

I am in the process of getting over my shyness and would like to read about other people's experiences of this.

 

Whether you are in the process of, or are over your shyness. I would like to know the strategies that helped you or if you got over it naturally. I would also like to read about your experiences and feelings during this process, as they would give a great insight that would help me and others beat their shyness.

 

Thanx

[solonely]

I have a cross between shyness and social anxiety, there's no clear distinction between the two so its hard to say which.

Anyway I have got to the point in my life where I desperately want to change, to do that you have to admit you have a problem and ask for help. I go to a Cognitive Behavioral Theirapist, alot of people are shy when they are young and grow out of it, I am now almost 24 and for years I had hoped this would be the case, I even went travelling to see if that would change me, I heard stories that other people had changed. I couldn't see a way out, ok I started reading books but the hard part is putting it all in to practice, so I had to see a councellor.

Sometimes I notice little improvements that it is making and I know from what I've learnt what I have to do to change, if you were to sum up what the problem is in one word, it would be "Thoughts"

My only weakness when it comes to putting the strategies for changing into practice is my desperation (sounds lame) for a girlfriend and the fact I can't stop constantly thinking about this and the silly crushes on women, silly because I've been told by my councellor that getting/trying to get a girlfriend is not the answer and could even create further problems. This is why it all comes down to thoughts, in order to change you cannot be negative about anything. The strategy they give is to first identify all the negative thoughts you have, to make a diary of these and then challenge them, in other words create an alternative positive thought for the happening situation. To practice this over and over again until it becomes a natural process, then to gradually create yourself social challenges (only small, not to big) while always remembering to challenge the negative thoughts.

 

Hope this helps

[Chesnick]

I used to be really shy. I was just pretty much a natural introvert, never seeing any reason to draw attention to myself. And truthfully, I still am that person. I don't consider myself an extrovert. I would say that I'm quiet, but not shy. Shyness comes from fear, fear of talking to people, fear of embarrassment, that sort of thing. They key is getting over any little fears you have that cause you to be shy.

 

I think I got over my shyness by realizing that it was doing more harm than good. Shy people tend to miss a lot of opportunities, and I also got sick of carrying the reputation of a "shy guy". I figured that I would probably be better off not being shy, elusive, fearful and such.

 

I suppose you could start by playing defense, so to speak. Be more responsive when others approach you. If someone strikes up conversation, don't be afraid to talk. Voice your opinions, share your interests, comment on random things. Remember: You will be a lot more interesting to people if you talk about stuff than if you don't say anything. Take any opportunity to let people know who you are. Project your persona! Let them know how cool you are, or at least let them know that you're not intimidated by them! (those are things I tell myself)

 

I hope I was of some help. You'll do fine.

[BAS231187]

i got over my extream shyness by practising sumtihng i read somewhere (cant remember where). but u spend time out in a public place and start off asking any one who passes by for the time. very simple no real conversation just ask the time say thank u, smile and walk away. eventually when u feel u can walk up to any one and ask the time. u move on to sumthing that requires a short conversation a good exapmple is asking directions cos then u can ask questions to confirm wher ur going even if u know exactly how to get some where ask anyway to get the practise.

 

thats what i did and i found if i smiled when i asked for sumthing chances are the person would also smile and would be very friendly and as helpfull as possible.

 

that helps with meeting people cos u ask for things that require more explinations and maybe get a good conversation going. and if u miss one chance there are hundreds of people to ask.

 

best i have done so far is ask a pretty good looking girl who was food shopping if she knew how to cook fish. she didnt but we poked fun at our lack of cooking ability. never plucked up the courage to ask for a number when we finished but oh well i will build up to that.

 

 

the other kind of shynes is when im around my friends i find i think twice befor saying anything especially if sarah is around cos i really like her and dont want to make a tit of myself infront of her. i found to over come this just took time around her and whenever i found myself thinking twice i told my self to stop being stupid and say it. eventually i found even if i said sumting stupid shed just find it funny so now i am comfortable having fun and saying whatever comes to my head.

 

she had her tonsils out yesterday and i received several txts and phone calls during the day(i was at school she in hospital) and i felt i could say things to help her and that i was of some use when she was afraid and needed me. i could never have done that a month or 2 ago.

 

 

those are the things i have done and i do feel more confident now. im still quite and a bit shy and dont dress to in a way that will get me noticed but i do feel more confident and i like it. hope that helps

[DiscipleOfChange]

Let me begin by saying I'm still getting over my shyness. I talk to more people, but I will sometimes end up eating alone or if I do join people, the conversation seems to often revolve around them rather than me. I made a decision this year though that I woul make an effort to meet new people on a greater scale than I did last year. In that regard, I have suceeded. Without a doubt, I still have a lot of work to do, but gradually, I can tell I'm getting better.

One thing I have started doing this year is going out and drinking on the weekends. Last year, I only drank on about 5 occasions. There's a place on my campus called "The Wall" which is actually just a ramp, but it is where a lot of people go to drink and hang out on the weekends. I usually go there, unless I find some friends to drink with. Whether for better of for worse, alcohol has helped me loosen up and go out and meet people. Granted, I still don't approach groups of strangers with a great deal of ease, but occasionally I will.

I have made great progress in interacting with women too. Though I still have work to do in that department, even the smallest ammount of progress makes a world of difference to me. I mean, if you had suggested to me that before mid-term break I would have played spin the bottle, I would have told you that you were full of it. But, two nights ago, I saw some people I knew having fun and talking on the balcony. I was even ready to go to sleep. When I looked down from the window, one girl I knew waved at me to come down and so I went. People were basically drinking and smoking and at first there were a bunch of people. After a while, some people wandered off and this one girl said we should play spin the bottle. I had not even had much to drink that night. I even almost skipped out. I stuck with it though and I had my first 5 kisses of my life, 2 with tongue.

I still spend a fair ammount of time alone, wishing I had a crowd to run with, but I'm quite contented when I objectively look at how much progress I've made this semester so far. Pair that with the fact that the semester is less than half over and this year looks pretty good to me.

I'm not a big party person, but I'm planning on going to a greek party tonite. My plan is maybe find someone to go with but if not I will still go. I'll use the same tactic I've been using so far, just doing it. I mean to say that heck, it's a party and I need to just walk up to people and introduce myself and have a fun time. At dances in high school and middle school, I would cling to the walls at dances. I just got fed up with missing out.

Now in all fairness, I do have good days and bad days, as we all do. I deal with it for a while but realize I can't let feelings get me down, brush it off or maybe go for a run. One thing I've been doing, no matter how narcissistic some may call it, has been looking at myself in the mirror every morning and saying "Mark, you're hot!" "Who's the man? You the man!" I lost 20 pounds over the summer and that has helped boost my confidence. Confidence is key.

 

Here's to all of us who are getting better! We may have a ways to go, but we've made tremendous progress so far.!

 

 

~Mark