tired of being the raincoat

[ehm doubleyou]

My g/f and I mutually broke up in July, but got back together shortly after so it seemed. Since then I find myself feeling even more lonely with her than being by myself. It seems that everyone and everything has priority over me and I am tired of being the backup when her friends dont want to hang with her. I feel as though I am a raincoat to her....only taken out when it rains and then put back in the closet when the sun comes out. It has really shot my self esteem down the drain. So I am thinking of breaking it off with her tonight. My B-day is coming up next week and I told her not to bother getting me anything cause I feel as though she is doing this cause she feels she has to and not cause she wants to. She has been complaining about money and how little of it she has. She thinks I am just saying I do not want anything for my b-day, but I really do not want anything from her cause I feel like she is treating me like garbage. What sucks is I know that she will move on and date before myself cause I feel like I am not ready to or will not be ready to for a few months. Knowing how beautiful she is it hurts to think of her being intimate with someone else, even though I have to think realistically that thats what is gonna happen. I may not break up with her tonight....but I am going to address the issues I am having with her, and if she does not see it, then I am gonna end it. The last week I ahve been pondering about breaking up with her and i have been getting very teary eyed over it thinking about it., but anyways....I have to get ready to finish work here and then I am gonna call her. Take care everyone.

 

mw

[laclarita]

instead of threatening a break up i'd recommend just bringing up how you feel first in a nonconfrontational and nonthreatening way.

[ehm doubleyou]

yeah that sounds like a better plan....I am just really hurt by the way she has been treating me lately. I was not gonna be confrontational about it...but she needs to know how I feel and why I am feeling like I am., but thanks for your adice

 

mw

[ehm doubleyou]

I chickened out ....I will try again on sunday

[ehm doubleyou]

well I did it. I feel crappy about it, but I did it. On sunday g/f and I wet on a nice long rollar blade and came back to her place to have some dinner. After that she noticed something in me and asked what was up. I told her that this is very hard for me to say this to her without being a jerk. I started off saying to her that I feel like I am not being treated fairly and how unimportant I feel in her life right now, and that I was really uncomfortable about my birthday coming up and how I feel as though she is only doing this cause she feels she has to and not cause she wants to. She did not deny it and i began to feel really sad about it. I asked why she has not been close to me and she mentioned that she is still tring to sort out her life....I asked her why could you not sort your life out with me included? why do I have to be set aside for this? I told her that this is an awful way of treating someone and that if she wants to work things out with me she is gonna have to make some changes like I have. I told her that the reason I have been so quiet is because of the way she has been treating me....I told her it was not fair on me that everyone now has priority over me and that we never get to go out on the week end and just let loose. I told her that I feel like she is just hanging on to me until she meets someone else and that I could not handle that and that I will not stand just being her friend....I will not be demoted to friend status just like that ...like a switch....I told her how heart breaking it is for me to beset aside like this....she then sighed and said oh god it a negative way ...I then lost it and got up and left crying she tried to stop me but i could not take it anymore. Her mom saw me leave in despair and that was it. Even though I feel as though this had to be done for my self esteem, I can not help but think I wreaked our relationship for good now. I am just tired of everything being about her...and never about me...I know I am not perfect...but no one deserves to be treated like this. I love her more than anyone or anything, but she has reduced me making me feel not so confident anymore and I need to regain myself....take care everyone

 

mw

[thusspakez]

i've gone through something kind of related recently--breaking off with a beautiful lover who was not treating me all that well, but keeping me around, i think, as a sort of safety net until something better came along. like you, i broke it off, because i felt it was only going to get worse for me. i still miss her terribly sometimes, but about 90% of the time i know it was the right thing to do for me. it's that other 10% you've got to watch out for. i deserved better and so do you. be strong and think of what will really be best for you over the long run. maybe you can be friends later, but as with my situation, it sounds that for you, friendship is not really an option for either one of you right now. you'll want more, she'll want less: a recipe for disaster. painful though it may be, a little hardship now is better than a lot, for longer, later on.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Bro, here's my 2 cents.

 

Never, ever let anyone drag your heart around behind them like that. It's not fair to you at all. I know how much it hurts to be in that situation. I have been there. Back when I was in college, this girl come onto me really strong, and I was blindsided by her. I liked her so much, and didn't find out until I was head deep that it was just her bouncing to me from an ex that cheated on her. She dragged me around for almost 3 years while attemping to get over her ex, and I dont think she ever did. I eventually just kicked her to the corner, and said I've had enough. Mutual friends have told me she never learned, and just hopped to another guy to keep dragging on. Some people never learn.

 

You can do better than that, man. Give yourself time so that the attachment to her can fade. I need to do this right now, because I just got out of another horrible relationship with a girl who abused me in every way possible. Once you are free of getting upset over her, you will be surprised by what you can do with your life.

[ehm doubleyou]

Thanks thusspakez, NewPhillyGuy and special thanks to demond34 for your support.

 

Tonight is gonna be tough...I am not planning on calling her or emailing her until I get some closure or until she apologizes for the way she has been treating me. I just feel so bitter in general because of this, and that is not good for me. The only way I can overcome this is to either get back together knowing that she will make some simple changes in her life or if we officially call it off. Im thinking its gonna be the later.....I am just so hurt by this all and it sucks cause I know she will get over this way quicker than I will...it already shows. This is gonna be a hard week to deal with .