ive had a relapse......feeling crappy

[hoppy27]

so..........i just picked up my best friend and his fiance from the airport.

ive been having a good weekend so far. went to acouple parties and had a good time.

 

the thoughts of the woman whom recently left me in a mess of confusion have been going away. i havent seen her, heard her name and things were getting easier.

 

when we got pack to my buddies place...........i learned she had been staying there and taking care of the place while they were away. his fiance was actually on the phone with her after we arrived.

when i heard her name.........i felt a ton of bricks come down on me.

all the feelings came rushing back. i want from being ok to wanting to vomit in 30 seconds. being that his fiance is friends with her......and we all were hanging out for awhile. everything seemed so perfect at the time.

 

i dont know what it is...........i now cant get her out of my mind.

i constantly wonder what happened, what shes up to, is she with someone else, is she having fun, is she thinking about me, did she ever really like me, did she mean anyhting she said to me. arghhhhhhhhhhhh

 

i know the answers........and they hurt. i live in a pretty small town.

its hard to avoid anyone if you date them around here. sooner or later you will see them.

 

tonight is a party..............im sure she will be there. i dont think i should go. seeing her would be hard for me. and even though i could handle being civil and just saying "hi" with a smile. i have a heart aching desire to talk to her about what happened? and why she couldnt be honest with me 100%. i just dont get it. i am so freeking hooked on this girl. i dont know what happened but i fell very hard for this woman and here i am.

wanting everybit to make myself look like an idiot and break the NC.

i know shes home right now i could just pickup the phone............but i know deep down she simple doesnt want me in her life anymore.

this blows..........i feel like crap.

i never even got to say anything i would have like to.

i just want to tell her "i wish her well" btu i never got the chance.

the other part of me wants to tell her "what she did was wrong"........but i cant do that either. why does the brain have to think so much. there isnt a switch i can find to just turn off the thoughts. whats going on????

im going insane here!!!!

 

im 28 years old............all my life ive had these battles with my head.

i just cant stop thinmking about her. does anyone believe i might have fallen in love with this girl???? it was a month of pure heaven......and then poof gone.

[Nemo23]

Do you know why it was just like, poof, gone? Or is it still a mystery? She just may be confused or not ready to settle down yet.

If you can handle going to the party and risking seeing her... Then go. But DON'T make a fool out of yourself. I don't know how you are, but I have a habit of being unable to hold feelings back and making an idiot out of myself. Just play it cool. If you happen to end up talking to her, don't show that your hurt... just smile like you own the world. Good luck Bud! Be strong!

[hoppy27]

i suppose it has alot to do with the fact she just got out of a 6 year relationship. to be totally honest............she cheated on him with me. and then broke up with him 3 days later. we did our thing for a month and then poof.....................no more calls, nothing, she stopped wanting to see me. i heard through the grapevine it was another guy. when i bumped into her acouple weeks ago she said "she just wasnt ready".

 

why the hell would she lead me on for a month???? we had all these talks about going slow and just being honest. she wasnt honest about the other guy thgough and that really bothers me. she wanted me so bad..........and then its like she dispisses me. i didnt even get the "lets be friends" line.

[Nemo23]

ooohhh. ew though!! she's been labled a cheater. once a cheater always a cheater. don't take this the wrong way, but she sounds like a real flake. she lets on that she likes you, and entices you to like her... and then she's just like... woops, nevermind. see ya. you don't need to be treated like that. you deserve better. you sound like a really nice person with the ability to love. she sounds like she's relationship ADD. i know it's easier said than done... but TRY, TRY to get over her. repeat to yourself, i'm over her she's not good enough, im over her she's not good enough... keep saying it til you believe it. she doesn't deserve you.

[hoppy27]

nemo................im never been so fooled in my life. she assured me "she wasnt that type of girl". she told me she wasnt going to "date" others as she saw such a potential with me.........

we went out for a movie on a friday night it ended just like other times......with a wonderful kiss goodnight. we talked once more and it went as usual. thats when things just stopped. she was going to call me later and never did. a few days later is when i heard about the "other guy".

at that point i was i didnt know what to think. i was really upset and disapointed. i really beleieved what she was telling me and her actions up that point backed them up. i couldnt bring myself to call her. i figured i didnt have to. she never called.

 

the biggest mistake i made was hooking up with her while she had a boyfriend. in my defense she didnt tell me unitl we had already commited the crime. that was the red flag right there. i was blinded............and her words just made it easier for me to oversee the big issue.

 

its not a good feeling to know that someone can have you so fooled.

i opened up to her as i felt very comfotable she wouldnt bail. she did and very quickly. when i bumped into her she got very deffensive. said she was very busy, been meaning to call, and then drops the bomb about not being ready.

 

she was ready for a month!!!!!!! what gives?? how can you be sure your not going to get screwed???!!!!!

 

thankyou for responding and giving me some hope.

 

i try and try to believe "its her loss.....she scrwede herself" but yet i cant get her out of my head. i havent felt attraction like that in years. she came out of nowhere and left just as quickly. im bummed out.

[Nemo23]

I realize how you can feel so bummed. I mean I've been through stuff like that as well. But I do want to say that... and this may seem like... too moral for the people of today but after making a few mistakes myself I will say... It's better to wait with sex. I mean like a substantial amount of time until you REALLY get to know the person. It makes one feel morally justified and it also ensures that you're not gonna end up some dirty disease-ridden human. So THATS how you avoid being let down. So many people out there are so sexually driven they don't even realize who they're hurting or that they are hurting themselves as well. I would really get to know the next person you date before you get involved sexually or mistakes like that are going to keep happening. Some people are really mean like that.

[hoppy27]

next time ill wait. ive never been the stick and move type.

 

all i expected was alittle honesty. and maybe alittle respect for my feelings. i understand the relationship was started on bad terms anyway and that is was short but damn..........i didnt get anything. just some cold response three weeks later. she went from seeing a future to obviously seeing nothing at all. i understand this girl isnt right for me. im just trying to pickup my pride day by day.