bf mad, my fault, be he's making things worse

[thoyneeka]

hi all,

my bf and i are going through a heap of mess right now. i have a recent post in the LDR forum that gives my story. my bf is upset right now because he found out that i spoke to an old fling (not flame, i never had a relationship with this other guy). it was innocent and since then i have gone through extreme measures to make sure that this other guy no longer has contact with me.

 

at this point, i'm really frustrated because i do understand how my bf feels, however, he feels like its his right to be mad and stay mad. he doesn't have to actively forgive me. so this incident occurred on 06/26. he hasn't been calling me. i didn't call him at all the first 3 days afterwards to give him time to calm down. i went to talk to him in person (over the 4th of july holiday) and he was cordial for the most part, but we might as well been in 2 different rooms the whole time.

 

my problem is that he doesn't understand that by him dictating when we will or won't talk, he often makes me feel like i can't depend on him. mind you, this is not only the case when something has truly upset him. he usually is so bogged down with stress and his on emotional issues that i feel like he feels obligated to call me, but that he doesn't really want to. half the time i have to push, prod, and poke him into a conversation. how can i tell him that when he acts like this that it makes the situation worse? i do believe he has the right to be upset, but why hold onto it; i mean if he decides that this is nothing worth leaving the relationship over, then why be mad? we already don't get to see each other.

[Cecelius]

Well, you screwed up (and to a guy, chatting with a guy you used to bang is probably worse than to an old b/f), BUT your b/f is taking this to extremes. Almost to the point where he is actively having a bad relationship.

 

Just explain to him that his attitude has changed whether either of you can actually enjoy the relationship anymore, and that he needs to decide whether he's going to get past this so that the fun can continue.

[thoyneeka]

the problem is that if i say anything to him, he's going to just ignore it or get more mad. he feels like its his time to be mad. he thinks that him doing this is just part of the consequences that i have to suffer.

 

oh yeah, i got a call yesterday morning from a university, they want me to interview for a position. this job will bring me closer to him (about 30 mins away). i sent him a text message about it as soon as i confirmed my interview time because i knew he was at work. i figured he would respond later. so later that evening when i still hadn't heard anything, i called him. he was getting ready to go to a party and seemed bothered that i called. so i let him go. but then i remembered that he hadn't said anything about my interview, so i texted him again. he said he didn't get the earlier message. so i explained that i the school called and i scheduled an interview... his response, "ok. that's good".

 

i am really pissed right now. i'm so tired and frustrated with the entire situation.