Jealousy, fear, and questions

[Chibi]

Hey everyone, Im new here! I just wanted some advice on my situation. It will most likely be a long post so you dont have to read it but I would appreciate anyone elses point of view.

 

Ive been in the current relationship for about 2 years now. We are SUPER happy and compatible, we have never had a real fight, etc etc. When I first met him, it was basically me and this other girl "competing" for him. We werent a couple yet but had hooked up a few times. One night I went to a 'rendevous' to see him and this other girl was already there. I got really upset and left and brought it up the next mrning when he asked why I never showed. Well, we talked about it and he told me she had left because her girlfriend called and wanted her home (yea, I know). So find out later, they didnt sleep together that night. A couple months later, she comes BACK (me and him are together by now) and they go for a 'walk' when I wasnt looking. He comes back and tells me she is gone. She had admitted to him she is married and has a girlfriend AND wants to be his girlfriend. He thought she was crazy so told her to leave and came back to me. I was relieved she was gone and that was all over with. So 2 years have passed and the only time weve heard from her is when she called a year ago to say goodbye forever, she was moving to Oregon. Whew! Well, two days ago i was going through a dresser and found a card from her to him. It wasnt dated or anything but said "Bebel has been a seductive means of diversion for me this past year..." (Bebel is a CD we listen to together, its very sexy and beautiful). That CD came out in 2000. So I did the math and she must have sent him the card right before we got together but he said nothing ever happened with her, besides that night. Why would she have said "this past YEAR"?? Is he not telling me something? We are SO CLOSE and no secrets are kept.

 

Another thing -

 

He is a little older than I am and has had lots of partners in the past, including several threesomes. Im ok with that and weve takled about it for ourselves but I dont want to hear about all of his past times! It really hurts my feelings. Weve talked about this and he appologizes but then must forget I told him to stop? The other night at dinner he says "Have you ever met Chuck? He was there that night I had the 3 girls in my room...." How do I make him get the freakin picture I dont want to hear about it? I HAVE heard about all of them but he doesnt need to keep bringing them up! I want to talk about it but i DONT want to seem like a jealous psycho. I just dont like to think about him with all of these other women (many of whom I know and have befriended). What can I do??!?!?

 

Sorry this is so long. I just lately have been feeling really down about all of it. I love him so much it makes me ill. I cant lose him and I think he feels the same about me. I just dont want to hear about all the past women!!!

[segagirl]

I have a feeling you won't ever know what really happened between him and her. Seems like it is just history. She could have just meant she has had him on her mind the last year. My concern is why the hell is saved it? maybe the guys here can give some insight on that issue. To me it says something, like him liking the attention...or still having feelings for her. Hard to tell. But the reality is you cannot keep asking and asking about these issues. Either he is open and honest or he is not. At some point you need to take responsability for the way you feel and decide if this is how you want to be treated.

the other issue:

I think if you are open and accepting of his past choices of lovers, and you have said as such...I dont think his intention is any thing other than it pops in his head and he is comfortable enough with you to be honest.

It may also be a nasty mean way of him getting you to give in to a threesome....agian you can only ask so many times before you say no i dont want this in my life, or just accept that its gonna slip now and agian.

[Chibi]

Thats for the great reply sega. I probably wont ever know about him and her. I just have a strong dislike for her since she DID toss him around and everything. It is just history Im sure, because she really did leave to Oregon. He saves things. When we first started getting serious, he had kept his ex girlfriends underwear, which I threw away. He liked to know he was loved or cared about by others. I dont really care if he keeps little chachkis. I have things from my exes too. I dont even think he goes in that drawer that often, so he might not know he has it! He is open and honest I know that much. I dont want to ask about it again and again so I seem insane. I will try to drop the whole thing with that woman.

 

You made me look at that in a different way. He maybe is just feeling honest and its just comes out because he is confortable with me. But its just things like when he sees a hot woman he lets it be known. I know he does this because he is feeling confortable and liek Im his best friend. It just makes me feel bad sometimes. Were in southern CA so every girl on the corner is MODEL pretty.

I dont care about FUTURE threesomes. Im attracted to women (never acted on it) too. It would be a fun way to spice things up in my opinion. Probably will never happen, its just a fun thought. But i just dont want to hear about 'the most fn sex in his life was in Switzerland with this girl from the bar"

But yes, i DO want HIM in my life and if he comes with that, then I have to accept it. Its weird because weve had so little problems in the past 2 years, its a major deal when I ask him to stop pointing out hot women all the time....

 

Thanks again for the help and heloping me see it from a different POV.