Out to Sea

[dollyd]

Out To Sea

 

I hear the rain against my window

As the single drops of liquid sorrow fall

I stare into an empty space of a life I used to enjoy

Nothing of meaning is left without existence

A shell of my former life now fades into oblivion

 

The constant feeling of drifting out to sea

And being unable to return.

 

Drowning in the abyss we call life.

[kenneth05]

well, you should never use the phrase "drop of liquid" in a poem. just can't work.

also, be careful using "abyss". it's such a cliche word, it can't help but hurt the poem.

 

[JynX]

I like the way you used the words in this poem. It makes it sound beautiful. Good job!

[dollyd]

Any comments are welcome.

 

I try to express how i feel, i suffer from depression and rather than scream and shout or get upset with myself i have started to it write down.

 

It may not flow or the words used mite be cliche but its how i feel and the words i've used express that,

[JynX]

Personally I think it flows really well, dollyd. There arent any rules ingraved in stone when it comes to writing poems. It's just a way to release feelings. But I'm sure you know that so I'll stop rambling on. Either way, I like what you've written.