How do you get back up again?

[Annie2525]

Hi everyone, I'm sot of hoping someone can give me some prespective.

 

I'm a girl with a physical disability, who has always excelled at everything. My life has been great up to this point. Sure, it was hard to accept in the beginning, but eventually I didn't give my disability the chance to limit my dreams. I recently got into my dream university, and everything was perfect. However, this being the first time living away from home, it has been a horrible experience. Getting around campus has been a real challenge, and I often found myself getting stressed and thus, sick. This brought about me missing classes and thus, getting behind. To sum it all, this has been the worst I've ever done in my academic career. In turn, my confidence is shattered, and I find myself wondering why I am even here. My career goals don't seem realistic anymore, because this year's marks are definitely not going to help me get there. I don't know what to do. I feel as if I should just give up. I find myself getting depressed and sort of giving up on things before I even try.

 

Can anyone tell me how to get out of this phase of my life as the person I was once?

[BillyJean714]

Hi Annie2525,

 

You have a lot to be proud of. Most people don't even consider going to school In fact, some people my age are still stuck back in high school, which is sad.

 

I used to be like you, and still somewhat am. My problem is, I am too much of a perfectionist, and it drives me up the wall. I wanted to buy a house at 25. I still can, but in 2 years, I dobut I will be able to save up enough for a down payment. In my case, my plans didn't fall through either. In fact, lots of people who are about 20-25 are going through what's called: "Quarterlife Crisis." There are articles written about it. So, you are not the only one who feels this way.

 

What I learned is to go with the flow. Besides that, our economy's not doing so well.

 

What's important to realize is: you are motivated and ambitious! Not too many people have goals and actually work torwards them. Just because some things aren't working the way that it was intended to be, don't trip. Instead, focus on what needs to be done at the time being.

 

When we think too far into the future, we tend to dsiappoint ourselves. I read somewhere where 90% of the time people tend to complain about their problems rather than seeking solutions. We have a tendency to spend only about 10% of our time looking for constructive solutions to our problems. So, what I learned is, focus more on finding solutions rather than focusing on our problems. Just think of it as the 90-10 Rule- From now on, spend 90% of your time looking for solutions/answers, and 10% complaining/venting. If it helps me, I hope that rationalizing things this way helps you too!

[RunningOnEmpty]

Don't worry, you'll get there. Lot's of people struggle when the first hit college. Trust me you are not alone!

 

Just keep your chin up and keep working things will come around.

[ayekasong]

Hey Annie! I can relate to you feeling like you should just give up because of a disability. My "disability" isn't physical, but psychological... I guess it isn't really a medical disability, but it has certainly hindered me in life situations. I suffer from depression and this is coupled with a severe case of perfectionism. I can construe even little problems as gigantic failures, so I often feel inadequate or unworthy to do something. I feel this quite often in my current job.

 

But there is a proverb here in Japan - "if you fall off of a horse 7 times, then get up 8 times"... well it is something like that anyway. All dreams worth pursuing are difficult, and the most difficult tasks in life are also some of the most rewarding when we complete them.

 

Unfortunately, there is no easy solution to getting over those difficult periods of life. But the best advice I can offer is to keep yourself focused on that dream. Know that it will be difficult, but you can do it!

 

And a little story that might perk your spirits up a bit: I went to university with two girls who both had disabilities. One had a bone problem that she frequently caused her so much pain that she could hardly move. She had wanted to be a nurse ever since she spent so much time in hospitals as a child. She studied hard, worked incredibly hard, but had to sacrifice many things in the name of her dream. She finally became a nurse, and had her dream job, only to fall ill again and nearly die from her condition. She is on permanent disability now, but she is still working her dream job. She takes one day at a time, and still has her eyes focused on that job. Perhaps it was what kept her from letting go completely.

 

The second had a much more difficult challenge. She had a learning disability coupled with problems from birth defects that she always had to deal with. Getting around could be a challenge for her as well. Her grades had never been good, and she ended up having to repeat a few classes and one caused her to be unable to graduate on time. It had already taken her more than 4 years to even get that far. She was devastated of course, but she kept on going. Finally, she got her teaching license, and is now happily living her dream.

[OneConfusedGuy]

Ann,

 

My first semester I failed college. Not because I had too much of a load, but because I didn't apply myself. I do not have a physical disability but I do have problems making friends and talking to people. I think the reason I didnt want to go to college was because I didn't have any friends. I am taking the summer off and trying again in the Fall, accept this time around it's full steam ahead!!

 

Moving to a new location will make you stressed nonetheless taking on a full load at school. It seems as though you have written this artical in desperation. DON'T FRET! You wanted to do this from the begnning and you will continue to do so. Everyday is your goal. Don't think about the future but what is at hand now and what you can do about it. You sound like a strong, motivated, and caring person. Words on the internet can tend to be emotionless, but if I was with you right now I'd give you a big hug! You can do this!!!

[Alabama]

If you've gotten this far and are still trying to reach for your goals, you can still recover. Don't let the fact you've screwed up a little stop you. You've said that your disability hasn't hampered you and it sill won't. Believe that you can get over this and you will. It will take time, but you will succeed. Good luck!

[neva_black_n_white]

Wow, talk about someone with determination. Ive worked with special needs children (obviously you arent someone with special needs as such) sorry its hard to word. But i think its great that youve motivated yourself, i have friends that feel the smallest thing hit them and they are struck back yards. For starters your empowerin and thats great, and secondly you seem to see that you have got a talent. You can achieve academically. Small milestones can becomes large when we get behind or feel a struggle, but at the same time they are they to be overcome. You are obviously where you are because people believe you can achieve, dont be the oneto let yourself down now. You are still on the course because people think you can pull through and are giving you that chance. I know alot of places that would have taken that away by now. Dreams arent things that are unapproachable or not existant in the real world, they can be achieved. Heck we have De Ja Voux's dont we.

 

You have come further than most, people at your age, my age, dont know where they want to be, you do and that should push you there!

You can overcome any errors and even if it takes you more than one time to do it, the effort and determination you put in WILL award you.

 

Good Luck

Kel x

[Annie2525]

Thanks a bunch guys! All of your comments have done wonders for my spirit. I'm glad I came on here for advice.