Will you love a married woman?

[DonnoMen]

I need advise from you guys.

 

Have you ever like a married woman? If you like her, what will you do?

[striderhiryu81]

I have been interested in a married woman. She was a student teacher/coach at my high school and we kept in contact through chat and email after I graduated and I would visit her when I was off work, I'd go to the school when she was coaching so it wasn't during school hours.

 

At first I didn't know she was married, I actually thought she was a new student so I sat next to her and introduced myself. Then the teacher told us to go to our seats and he introduced her as a new student teacher. We had a good laugh about it at the end of my senior year. Anyways, we exchanged gifts around Christmas time and so on but her husband got jealous and wouldn't allow her to talk online. Eventually we reestablished contact but I felt so bad that I backed off with all of the flirting and just started talking to her as a friend.

 

I had no business even trying to talk to her the second I found out she was married. I feel pretty crummy about it to this day. I know that she was going through a hard time in her marriage and thats why she was open to the flirting and returned it, but I still feel like a jerk for even beign there.

 

Just so you know, nothing ever happened between us besides hugging and such, but now that I look back on it, even that was wrong because of the words that went along with it. I'd stay far away from her if I were you. Let her deal with her marriage how she wants to and when she is available then you can talk. The occasional flirting at the office or whatever is harmless, but don't find yourself alone in any situations like her. Imagine if you were the husband, and someone else was in your position as the "other" guy.

[DonnoMen]

I guess I know what you mean striderhiryu81.

 

I was happy when I got to know she likes me. I have to say she's hot! but at the same time I felt nervous. I don't want to get into any trouble.

 

I know she's not joking on our relationship and can tell that she's not happy with her married life. I'm confused that when I asked her if her husband loves her, she noded; but once I asked if she still loves him, she didn't answer but only an uncomfortable grin on her face. She didn't want to lie to me but why she kept herself open for other man?

 

A few days ago, I told her that it might be better if we back off a bit and stop contacting each other. I knew I'd not only hurt her but also myself. I was regret and my heart really hurts.

[striderhiryu81]

Yeah, I think you did what was best. If you really feel like something could happen then I would just say that you are sorry for having to cut contact, but you just don't feel comfortable moving forward with her while she is keeping him in the dark.

 

If she really wants to move on from her husband then she needs to do that before trying to get with anyone else. Its really just not fair to him.

 

Again, I think you did the right thing. As long as she is still married I woudl say that she is off limits. To her husband it is a sacred bond...she should respect that or get out of it.

[Hailey]

Hey guys,

 

I got confused after seeing what you guys had written. I'm one of "those" married woman and had a few crushes and end up aparted because of the same reason you guys talking bout.

 

Most people would say it's ok to look but not to touch, I agreed but not all marriage are "perfect", some even lose their passion but just leave it teh way it is . That's why some married women (and men also) keep 'looking' around for better 'chances' to have their life brightened up.

 

It sounds unfair but the truth is, we want to anchor on the current relationship if the 'secret' affair turns out to be bad, you know... can't risk the second time.

 

In your case, you already knew she's married and you did the approach and now you back off... well, I felt sorry for that woman. I personally think it was a coward move. You'd given her a better life, who knows. She's serious on the relationship was a good sign but you just stepped on it because it's too heavy for you .

 

I'm sorry for giving you all these negative opinions, love is all around .

 

Good luck!

[titan]

am what about the Marriage this is meant to be a bond between two people..If you are not happy in marriage have the balls to cut it off and then see other people...

 

In my opinion cheating if for selfish people who know what they have is good but are chasing a rush.

 

I don't know your situation but Believe me while you think this is great way to rationlise your actions..it WILL bite back at you.

[striderhiryu81]

Hailey,

You kind of mirrored what i said, except that I feel that the cowardly act is not his, but hers because she is trying to leave herself a "safety net" if her little stunt doesn't turn out the way she wants it to. If you decide to leave, then leave. Pursue the other relationship, but call off the first. It just isn't fair to the other person in the marriage, regardless of what shape it is in. Or at least tell them that you think it would be best to see other people while the separation is in the process.

 

Also, you seem to assume that I was saying that the marriage had to be perfect and that the woman was the bad one. Thats not what I said.

[Hailey]

Hi striderhiryu81,

 

Sorry to have misleaded you. I didn't mean you saying that the marriage had to be perfect.

 

It's a human natural that people tends to be protective. Having a safety net seems not very romantic and selfish but we need it there cuz we failed once. You might be right that we're coward too. In fact, ending a relationship is not easy too and no one wants to intiate it.

 

"Back off" perhaps a more considerate act for a guy, not to have anyone get hurt. The thing is, the relationship started with both knowing the background. I had a crush exactly the same situation and the guy suddenly drew back saying that "it's not right" and that made me feel so bad. It would be easier to deal with if he did that before the relationship started.

 

If he could stay there and had tried to go through all the bad times together, at least there could be a different outcome. But I understand guy needs big courage to carry this "heavy" relationship on his shoulder. No one wants their love to be kept in secret.

[DonnoMen]

Yeah it could be my false to have it started. I was not ready for such a serious relationship. I was worried because I wasn't sure if I the right guy for her. I didn't want to let her down and the pressure was growing bigger and bigger.

 

I like this girl and still do. I agreed with striderhiryu81 that it just isn't fair to her husband in the marriage. Calling it off was the only way to avoid anyone from getting hurt.

[VitaminS]

you are not the right guy for her because you are not her husband. there is nothing wrong with liking or loving a married woman. the trouble is that people confuse love with lust. when you love someone you respect them, you are not selfish or rude. the promise she has made to her spouse is sacred, love would not infringe upon that even at her request.