Friend doesn't approve of boyfriend

[Esprit]

Hullo everybody. Alright, here's my issue. Recently I've gotten together with this amazing guy, and I'm very very happy with our relationship. I also have a very close friend, who has become very distant since I started seeing this guy. We used to be very close, me and her...but now she's backing off completely. She's still friendly, but we just can't talk anymore. The thing is, I told her prior to going out with him that I'd never let a man come between us, and that no matter what our friendship is what matters most. Now that I'm seeing him, I always tell her that it's still true, but she doesn't believe me...I feel like she's distancing herself from me to "do me a favor" so that I can be close with *him* without her in the way. This is very upsetting...I miss talking to her, especially since I see her everyday. I'm tired of pretending nothing's wrong. I've brought it up around her, she said we'd talk, though she "doesn't believe theres a problem". She's also made comments about "finding a new best friend" recently. It's like she's just giving up on me and moving on. And why? Because I'm happily with a guy? I need to find a way to let her know our friendship means everything to me still, and I'm not going to start putting her second.

[Balthamos]

Are you sure about why your friend is becomiong distant? Is it because she thinks that you're letting your new boyfriend get in between you and her, or could it be because she thinks that he's not a good boyfriend? If you think that she doesn't think he's a good guy, it might help her a lot if you just listen to her complaints.

 

I had a friend who just started dating a girl, and all his friends started to back away from him, because we all saw that she a terrible match for him and that she was controlling him from the start. We tried to tell him our complaints, but he didn't agree. Of course it was his decision, but none of us wanted to be around him anymore because of the way he was chaning because of her. I'm not saying that you're in the same situation, but if you can just get her to tell you what her problems are, even if you don't agree, at least listen and thnk about them, it should help her feel a lot better. Now my friend and I get along much better, even though he's still dating the same girl, so maybe it'll just take some time for her to adjust.

 

Good luck and God Bless,

 

Kevin

[Esprit]

Thank you for the reply. What you said makes sense...though I don't think it applies here. My friend has known this guy for years before I had, and actually introduced us (though not in anticipation of us getting together). I asked her if she approved of this relationship and she said "Definitely! I think it's great" and yet...She's distant...

[PAdreamer]

Here's the thing: if you are still trying to be her friend, but SHE is the one who is causing things to go south, then you can't do anything about it. If she really cares about you, she shouldn't make you have to chose between her and your guy anyway! SHE is the one letting the guy come between you.

[sonjam]

I was in a very similar situation, my best friend introduced me to my love. Then backed off. The thing is, being a 3rd wheel on the waggon, so to speak is not fun, being the 3rd person to do things with a couple. What I can suggest to you, is when you guys talk, for awhile at least, refrain from only talking about your relationship, what you do, where you been etc. Talk to her abain about things you used to talk about before he came along.

 

I know from having been pregnant, I ailienated a lot of my single buddies, couse you tend to talk about babies and husbands (or in your case the boyfriend) and they have nothing in common.

 

This will show her you still value her, and things can be like before. But don't push your guy out of the way for her, but DO make time for her, to do girls stuff without your guy tagging along....

[SkyFire]

She's jealous of you. She probably wants the guy. Do not dump the guy. If she tells you she doesent want to be your friend because of things like this, she is not worth being your best friend.