Friendship-worth it?

[sararockford]

I have a male friend who I have known for a little over a year. We get along really well and really seem to enjoy each other's company. The problem is, he has a lying problem. He is fairly passive aggressive and instead of having any form of confrontation or saying something I might not want to hear, he simply lies to me. I have called him on a couple of the blatant lies....but he vehemently denies the lying. Confronting him only makes things worse and very tense. The tension eventually fades because we both ignore the problems. He can be such a good friend at times...it is just those moment of weirdness and lies that really confuse me. I am not sure if the friendship is worth ignoring the lies???

[AKsuited]

What are the nature of these lies? The reason I ask is that I have a female friend who lies, but mostly around the types of relationships she has with other guys. At first, I was very much disturbed by the lying. It was so bad to the point that I didn't even want to see her because she constantly lied. After talking to a friend, however, I realized a reason she lied because she didn't want me to have a negative image of her. She respected my friendship so much that she was willing to lie to save it because she knew my strong morals. This is similar to children lying to their parents because they don't want their parents to be disappointed in them. The analogy is there for understanding, but realize there's a big difference. You are their friend, not their parents. You are there to provide them support and to share both their good and bad times. You should decide if you want to confront your friend about this issue. Any issues between you and your friend only serve to take away from the friendship. If you choose to take a more subtle route, just keep in mind his may be their character flaw, and you need to slowly show him that he can trust you. This kind of thing takes time. Sometimes many years. However if you choose to confront him, see what he has to say. Either way, you have decide how much this bothers you and how much energy you have to deal with it.

[sararockford]

thanks for your reply.

at first, his lies were clearly because they did not want me to lose respect for him, but the lying has progressed. essentially, the lie I do not want to confront him about concerns vacation plans. I asked this person to take a trip over Christmas as we are both living far from home and he lied a number of times about his plans. Instead of telling me he simply didn't want to travel with me (but still wanted to go abroad), he has lied and told me he is going home. I see this person on an almost daily basis. We email or talk to each other everyday. On a day to day basis, he is a great friend, but he doesn't seem to acknowledge that we are friends outside of a certain sphere. It makes me feel pretty used and I am not sure whether I should continue this friendship on a certain level (very shallow)...confront the person and let the cards fall where they may...or simply walk away from it entirely.