Survey: LDRs: How often do you talk on the phone/argue?

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

1) How often do you talk on the phone?

2) How often do you argue?

3) What do you argue about?

4) Any way to tell the difference between arguments because of distance, and "normal" arguments?

[PAdreamer]

1) We used to talk on the phone every few nights. But as time has gone by, we've started to become more comfortable with not talking every minute of every day. We call each other if we're really in the mood to have a nice, long conversation.

2) We don't ever argue. We disagree with each other, but we are very open to each other's points of view and we have great discussions.

3)You know... I can't think of any specific topic that we disagree on... except strip clubs. I am very selfconscious about my appearance and I just get very uncomfortable about the idea of my guy oogling at other women. I've never been to a strip joint so I'm not exactly sure what goes on there... I know that the atmosphere varies from place to place. He insists that he really don't pay any attention to the girls and he goes to hang with his friends, and that's all.

4) I would say the best way to tell if it's a distance-related argument is if it's something really silly and you can tell you're only arguing because you're stressed and frustrated and in your heart of hearts you just want to be able to be with that person. In my own experience, you can usually feel that tugging... It's pretty hard to work through.

[Cloud802]

1) As much as we can usually, we could talk every other day for one week then every day the next week, depends on the situation how much we can talk.

 

2) We've only argued seriously once in our two year relationship so far, we have your average serious conversation and cute bicker though.

 

3) The serious argument was about her childhood- which I am not a liberty to mention- and when we bicker it's just pointless contradictions, even if we agree with eachother. You could say it's a cute habit.

 

4) Yeah, we are very open with eachother and can tell when the other is down and/or depressed, it's one of those really close things that you can trust eachother with, she never talks to anyone like she talks to me, not even her closest friend or her mom.

[Mermaid]

1) How often do you talk on the phone?

Several times a day, plus IMs online.

 

2) How often do you argue?

Not very often, and when we do, we're both really good at talking things through and apologizing when we realize we were wrong.

 

3) What do you argue about?

Usually fights stem from one or both of us being in crabby or oversensitive moods, and aren't really about anything specific. But it doesn't happen often at all.

 

4) Any way to tell the difference between arguments because of distance, and "normal" arguments?

I would imagine it's pretty easy to tell... no?

[faeriechyld]

1) How often do you talk on the phone?

 

Usually about everyday, though it's pretty sporadic sometimes depending on his schedule.

 

2) How often do you argue?

 

Not very often at all. Normally we're pretty open with our issues and we work things out. Plus we both have strange senses of humor so...we tend to laugh at most things we could argue about which makes arguing less possible. The few times we do argue are usually when we're actually physically together, not on the phone.

 

3) What do you argue about?

 

The last major argument we had was the day he left to go to his permanent duty station. We worked it out and all, but it sucked to fight on his last day there. Basically it was about me not understanding a part of him...he has an issue with getting his hopes up because they usually get crushed in some way or form. (him not coming home when he was scheduled to in June...perfect example) and I couldn't understand how he could hope for a future with me if he couldn't hope...well...at all. But, we worked it out, we made up and I get to see him tomorrow!!!

 

4) Any way to tell the difference between arguments because of distance, and "normal" arguments?

 

Usually if we argue because of the distance it's because of me. I get frustrated, not just with the distance, but with the military and unfortunately I take it out on him because...well...he's there. I try not to cause a big fuss with him about it and vent to my friends later on when I'm not as upset, but sometimes I can't help it. And so, I usually know that if we're on the phone and I'm upset, it's because I'm frustrated and it really has nothing to do with him, or our relationship.

[San123]

1) talk on the phone (or e mail if he's at work daily)

 

2) We hardly ever argue, if we do, both of us feel really bad and apologize rather quickly... lol, we too have very "unique" senses of humor and if I'm mad he can make me laugh and I can't stay mad long at all!

 

3) Usually its my fault, I will be in a bad mood and things upset me easily (this is only like once every 2-3 months though)

 

4) Well the difference is if I get upset with him for not coming or being able to see me often enough...otherwise I don't really see a difference. I can relate to faeriechyld b/c my guy is in the military as well and it is typically me who becomes upset with the distance ect. but I know that he cant really help it so I try not to.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

I don't get it. This is ALWAYS the case. The military girls can make LDRs work for YEARS at a time, half way around the world. Yet, my ex couldn't even make it work with her ex for a year, broke up twice and still had a REALLY hard time (argued all the time) this last year after the 3 attempt, and they only lived 6 hours away.l

 

Is it something about the Millitary. Do you think it makes them more caring, more responsible? Or is it that the women that fall for millitary guys are more predesposed to having a good relationship, maybe they had good relationsihps with their parents and their parents had a open loving relationship with each other.

 

I really wish I knew,

[San123]

I think a lot of it has to do with the girl. My boyfriend was telling me how many wives/ girlfriends broke up with their military guys when they came back home from Iraq because they couldn't take the distance or they had found someone else while he was gone. It's really hard to deal with but it becomes a sort of routine after a while... I stay ultimately because I love him to death and I know he can't help being sent off. But his parents didn't have a good relationship, his mom and dad divorced when he was young and his mother only recently has tried to contact him since he went to war because she was afraid he was going to die and didnt want to seem like a "bad mother". He lived with his father who was never really around, so he didn't have a good family life. I'm not really sure how other girls do it, but the thought of ever leaving him kills me inside, he's gone through a lot...

[faeriechyld]

Similar to what San123 said, my own parents almost divorced, so I really don't think it has to do with parents having a loving relationship. I just know in my heart he is the one for me and he is worth the wait.

 

It takes a strong person to be in any type of LDR, but in some ways it takes an even stronger person to be in a military LDR because of the lack of control that the couple has over where the one in the military goes. However, any LDR is hard, and it takes effort that local relationships don't. Some people just aren't cut out for it, and that's fine if they can find love elsewhere. It just depends on the person and what they really want. Strongly wanting to committ and having lukewarm feelings towards committment are also factors, I think.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

I just know in my heart he is the one for me and he is worth the wait.

 

Well this explains your feelings. But there are MANY people that say the same thing and end up breaking up. But what gives you the commitment. I know you wouldn't say that you're somehow better than other people--although maybe you are in this respect. But the point is your dedication comes from somewhere.

[San123]

lol, I just read your post again and realized you said the "women had a good family relationship that makes them more caring..." I read it wrong the first time! The opposite was the case for me. My parents physically abused me before they got sober, which in some respect may cause me to be more caring etc.. I'm sure thats not the case for all military girlfriends though, but he was the only person I told EVERYTHING to, which probably contributes to my strong feelings for him...

[faeriechyld]

You're asking an impossible question. I don't know -where- it comes from. It's there. I've been in a LDR where I wasn't anywhere near as dedicated as I am with my boyfriend.

 

Examples? I left a guy to go to college and we originally planned to stay together while I was in college, but when I got down there, I met someone else.

 

I dated a guy in high school and almost got back together with him, but didn't because he was in FL for college and I had returned home. The distance wasn't the only reason I wouldn't date him again, but it was a reason nonetheless.

 

I could say that it's because I'm older, have more life experience and know better what I want, but do I honestly believe that? No. Because I could name countless examples of girls who are younger than me who are military girlfriends and are dedicated.

 

There's no one true way with this. And I can't even honestly tell you what makes this relationship different than any other LDR I've attempted. It just -feels- different. It's a feeling, a strengthened desire to make it work and to do whatever it takes. I'm sorry I can't give a better answer than that, but it's difficult to try to pinpoint one specific difference between military girlfriends and girls in LDRs whose SO's are not in the military. Maybe it's as simple as the guys could die for our country and we find a sort of devotion in staying with them. I just really don't think there is one answer as to why military girlfriends may be more dedicated than civilian girls in LDRs. I've known some non-military relationships that thrived fairly well at a distance, I just think it depends on the people involved and the situation...

[rosalind24]

Well, hi, I'm new to the forum. ^_^

1) I hardly talk on the phone with my boyfriend at all. Neither of us are exactly phone people, but I can talk to him for hours on AIM... if he has the time for me. It's usually every other day, except now he's off to Iraq, I imagine it'll be significantly less.

2) We don't argue. We hardly ever argue while he was still with me. =) Now the distance is so great we don't want to hurt each other's feelings with useless arguments, so we're really careful with arguments.

 

 

 

I was thinking about why military spouses/fiancees/girlfriends are more dedicated too. I really have no answer for this, but I was thinking that because a relationship with someone in the military is so difficult that the less dedicated people already flushed out of the military LDR catagory. My boyfriend asked me before he left for Navy bootcamp if I wanted to stay with him or part our ways. I honestly thought of breaking the relationship off, but he needs me, and I love him. Military didn't make him more caring or more responsible. He was a very tender person before he joined the force, and have always took it as his responsibility to take care of the world. However, Navy did make the both of us treasure our relationship more. This LDR is so fragile that if we don't take care if it, it'll fall apart any moment. Military men, more than civilian men, realize the importance of their significant others. My boyfriend takes more time telling me how important I am to him, and that although he regrets not being able to be the arm I cling on for god knows how long, he will come back to me. Thanks to him, I know how important a role I play in keeping his life together as he has something to cling onto when he's feeling down. I love him enough that I will never purposely hurt him. As long as I can help it, I'll be his emotional support until he returns.