hardcore Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 you never know how hard it is just to come clean ask and i will tell my trip to hell is over now just tring to set thing's rigth once aging so i wrote this poem to help.more like a short story here i am but a simple man wanting to be more than. failed at life . failed at trust. faild at love. failed at death. there's no rock to crawl under no river deep enogth to wash away the blood on my hands. like a soider on the battel fild i sit with my hands at my knee's . opened beging god please. looking but never no one there to ansewer my pley. how much can on take alot . alot more then the heart can bear alone. pepole look and smile and say once in a while . thigs get better so i say to them where was he when i needed him. whit fury in my eyes and in my heart . where was the promise of life . for along time i sat awake pondering such things. never befor in my life have i ever felt so ashamed . as i am broken in two . maybe you can say you know my pain but i say to you we are not the same. shure we feel the hurt of a knife tearing throw are flesh. as we all do are dance with death. can i tell you something from along time ago. there was but a littel boy . in a small town of needmore. lived in one of the oldest house to be found. no not a good thing it would seem. have you ever seen the other side . the side hidden from most pepoles eyes. there are thing's in the nigth. this boy once woke to see standing befor him and on one knee. maybe it will go away if only i pull the cover's over my head he said in fear . but it has never gone far from here. but this boy was not the only one to see such a sigth. for fear gripped this house tonigth. as a cold clamy hand set forth a boy screeming like a lame . out in to the forgoten land . into the nigth he found him self all alone . with no home to go to . shhh whats that he says to him self as something comes close. with a blad in his hand like a sith and fire in his eyes speeking a thousend toungs come come. so the boy clamed in fear legs they are frozen in fear. as the souls of the lost screem from hell. just beneath his breath i have come to take you to a place far far away from here. befor he could say where he was allready there . but a angel wisperd in the one who came ear. save this one for another day . hope you all like this short story or poem don't know what i was really tring to say most of it is about me but thats for you to judgenot me hardcore ligth 8) Link to comment
PAdreamer Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 This is really deep! And I think it's a great way to express what you've gone through. Very intense. Link to comment
i_hate_the_world47 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 wonderful poem hardcore.i hope things begin to look up for you. ~Meagan~ Link to comment
leslieRN Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Thought that was very deep and emotional; Hope you had good night and will get to talk to you later on! Keep up the good work! Yours, Les Link to comment
tears_fall_invisibly Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Hey i really liked your poem, i thought it had depth, i believe your right when you say that we arent the same, i dont feel that anyone is, i never like to compare, i mean each person takes differently to say love, or death or experiances. i think that we all grow, and some experiance similar passings but never do we have the same experiance, emotion and devotion. i loved it. i guess this is what im feeling at the minute so i will dedicate this short poem to you: UNTITLED: looking into your eyes brings only surprise to find not a man but a small child inside the look is distinct the tears are near an eternity of life, past, living you fear! for what have you experianced? what have you gained nothing but anothers life as you follow down the lane no one is identicle not even the twins for no one has the same game thereforeeeth no one wins life may be a battle but forth it shall go as nothing can be gained if you dont have highs and lows you may not want to go alone and nor shall you be but there are things in life that only your eyes can see you have your own ambition you have your own dreams for everything you experiance just isnt all that it seems! i hope you like it, and may these good times come strong for you! if you think, you know who i am tears_fall_invisibly x Link to comment
hardcore Posted September 8, 2004 Author Share Posted September 8, 2004 wow you bring tears to my eyes i loved your poem . you have stolen my heart with thy words. thank you i hope that we get a chance to talk . hardcore Link to comment
jennifermlaw Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 I like this poem, I hope things start to get better for you. -Jen Link to comment
Gauchori Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 Very good poem Harcore but I have to say something. Some stuff to help you improve your poems and stuff. Its not like I'm a profecional or like I know a lot, but I al list know something that I could share with you. 1. If I am going to write a poem, to make it more understandable, I'll divide it in... paragraphs. Its easier to read and understand. 2. You have read some of my poems before right? So what I usually like to do is... make it short. I usually don't use a dot (Period) in one line, I use a , or a ; Its better to understand when its talking about the same thing. 3. And last, I'll try to make it a little shorter. Not take words or anything from it but... when you divide it in little paragraphs, it gets better organised and it looks a little smaller. That will atract people to keep reading. Not in most cases but sometimes it will. Remember- Everyone has its way of writing poems, I'm just telling you what I do, and if you like it... than take it. If not... than don't take it. Its your poem, its your writing, its your heart; so do what you want with it. I hope I helped a bit. Take care and I hope You read my next poem when it comes out and tell me what you think Link to comment
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