The guy i like, and my guy friend, what do i do????

[BandNerd1001]

Please help me.. this is so important.... Please ppl please...

 

Thanks

 

My post on link removed would help you understand what is below a lot better if you need to help.

 

Omg, i so do no t know what to do what so ever. Ok maybe i can explain this in a way without confusing you. I like jordan right... ok well my good friend likes my friend colby who is also good friends with me and jordan as well. Well colby has been flirting with me. i hope i am taking it the wrong way and just thinking that he is flirting with me, b/c that would hurt lmy friends who likes him. See when i leave my 3 period class, which colby is in, i am always out b4 he is and he tries to catch up with me. He will come up and like be walking and he will come up beside me and like push me. Then he just walks like really close to me until he and i have to slipt up to go to our next class. Like when he walks beside me our shoulders touch. Recently since i like jordan and my good friend is friends with him too..... She sits with him and colby at lunch. She brought me up at lunch to see what jordan would say about me. She said that both up them said that I was really funny, and cool. Which i so do not see how. i have no idea. Anyways, colby doesn't do that in 5th period, he is in 5th period too aswell as jordan. He just kinda always aks for gum. He will do that same thing at lunch when we are in the line though. I dont know what to do. I mean i like Jordan, he is talking to me a lot more too. i am talking to him aswell, i mean he aleast knows my name. The weird thing is that i asked colby who he sat with at lunch even though i already knew b/c my friend told me, he didn't say her name. i thought that was pretty strange. Is he flirting with me??? What should i do??? Help???

[bader]

Your making it too complex for yourself.

 

The simple fact is that a guys will love if it if a girl asks him out, no questions asked.

 

Remember you are the women, you have the power to reject or accept him.

 

So my advice is this.

1.0 First determine which one you like more, choose and ask him out.

1.1 If your choice is the one your friend likes, tell her you like him too, but out of respect for her, she needs to make a move (1.0), or else you will ask him out.

1.2 If you can't decide which one you like, ask them both out at the same time, this way both will try to win you over or one will back off. Ask for an event where money cannot make much difference in the contest. Make sure you create a list for the perfect outcome (keep it hidden), so at the end you can make a logical decision and not an emotional one.

 

Always ask with the confidence of proud cat, rather than with a sheepish grin.

 

Lastly remember your only 17 enjoy the outcome, however do not play with them like dolls.

[BandNerd1001]

ok. thanks... i dont think i will ask them both out. i just need time to think about it.

 

I dont know what do do.. i mean i like colby a lot... and the othere guy is just like him, but older, and looks different. I dont know, i just feel the same about them both, but colby.. my friend likes...

[bader]

My conclusion from your comments is that you are being like 90% of women or should I say people out there. Scared. In your mind you have already come up with 100 different case scenarios which are all worst case based, 9 out of 10 they will not happen.

 

From a mens perspective, if i was one of your guy friends and you ask basically the two of us to compete for you, I'll laugh at first, but be very interested and will take the challenge.

 

Guys love challenges especially if its against another guy. Remember you are technically not ask them out, but qualify them for a future date. You can dance around this topic for months or simple be honest and ask them out both.

 

But sadly I know for a fact you will not ever try this, because you are still let your emotion rule you.

 

Always think, what is the best thing that could happen, not the worst.

 

"Your soul is you and your mind is a tool for your soul, use it wisely and it shall server well"

 

Let me know what happens

[BandNerd1001]

yeah your right i probably wont do that, i dont have the guts. Im not used to the attention from the guys. I mean i like colby a lot. I know i lot more about him than Jordan, and i have known him a lot longer. I like colby a lot. It was just the other day at school when i realized that i like colby aswell. We were lined up waiting for the bell to ring for the next class. He was sitting on a desk and i was standing beside him. I go look ur tall as me when ur sitting down. He goes yeah when i am sitting down, but not when i a standing up, i am much taller than you. HEs really not that much taller, but he is taller. He makes jokes b/c i used to be taller than him, and i am 5ft. So yeah. But we were talking and i was talking to this other guy about a close friend that moved, she knew her too. Then for some reason colby like kinda like u know with his elbow into my side. LIke yeah like a flirty nudge. We looked at eachother in the eyes... man i felt something and i know he did too. The day before that happened same time though just after the bell, I was out of the classroom b4 him. I thought i might play hard to get. So i was out of there b4 he was and i didn't wait on him. We came up to be and stands beside me and like pushes me over a little bit, like with his body, so i did it back. Then we walk shoulder to shoulder down the hall. Like not sepeating at all, until we had to go different ways. Then that day at practice(marching band) me, forgot that i was playing hard to get. So i went up to colby and started talking him. i like bumbed into him 1st though causing his water to spill on his shirt. so he did the same thing to me and my cup of water and it spilled down the front of my shirt. I was glad that i wasn't wear white that day. Well we a few minutes later.... he pours it down my back.. so i go and get water and pour it down his... Hes like great im cold now. I was like well how do you think i feel, i have a wet bra on??... He thought that was funny. Well of course. Anyways, thats colby. in 5th period colby acts a bit diffy. He doesn't flirt with me as much but he does talk to me a lot. He will be like hey.... Stevi, Stevi..... oh stevi.... STEVI! I will be like... i am hearing voices. He will have jordan do it too. Its funny b/c i can block them out so well. Yeah. Well i guess i do like colby more. Looking on how i wrote so much just about him. I wasn't planning on it either. Oh well i forgot one miner thing i think. Friday we had a game... marching band goes to every game. Well my dad was helping unload the instruments when dad gave my instrument. Colby was like, he wait is that your dad? i was like yeah. Hes like cool. Like you know when ur boyfriend meets family kinda thing.

 

What do you think, should i keep playing hard to get with him. I think he may like it. Well for a while anyways??? Or any other ideas .... i dont think i am ready to ask him out. Plus i dont know what to do about my good friend who likes him aswell. I dont want to see her get hurt. Its seems to me thought that he has no idea she even sits with them at lunch.

[bader]

Most people think the opposite of fear is confidence, not true. The opposite of fear is the lack of it. Its OK to be fearfully, but remember what are you asking your mind. Most likely what could go wrong, what if he hates me for asking etc. Thus your mind gives you logically tons of answers to the negative questions.

 

So get out of that funk, of OMG this will go wrong and change it around by daily asking yourself HOW QUESTIONS. How can I ask him out etc. Trained yourself to do that, it helps.

 

I am not saying you will not get nervous asking him out everyone has this feel, its normal more when its your first time, but as long as you are confident of the outcome i.e. it will be a good outcome whatever happens, you give yourself the hope and strength to do it.

 

The problem of hurting your friend, needs to be cleared out via honesty. This means tell her you do like him, you want to ask him out, do you want to ask him out too ? and tell her you are doing this because you really really value your friendship with her, otherwise he is available and i am interested. Set out a time line of one week let say for her to ask him, if she does not, its your turn. Since you believe you can't ask him out right now, ask your friend the above first, it easy, it respectful and nothing wrong with it. You'll find the more honest you are with people the easier things get and for those who lie to you they are hurting their own self-respect.

 

------

 

You went into great detail about Colby, right !, which means you really like him allot or otherwise would have sum the whole thing in two sentence or so and not more - it is cute to see this.

 

You have probable been building these fantasies about Colby; how it would be to go out with him, what he would say to you, lots of romantic events etc, this is the start of love, obsession on the none existing, which not a bad thing.

 

From the description, the both of you are playing like brother and sister, but my take is both of you like each other allot and are afraid of changing the context of relationship from it current form of friendship. Remember if a guy likes you and forms a friendship because of it and then wants to ask you out, his mindset work on the lines of, i got to know this really cute girl we are friends only, but i liked her from day one, if I ask her out she might think I was after her for her body.... only and I'll mostly like lose her if I tell her how I feel. If the opposite happens to me, personally as a man, if I ONLY liked you as a friend, our friendship would be strong not weaker and I'll probable set you up with someone else.

 

As for hard to get (HTG) the trouble is the relationship did not start off with "I like you, lets go out" then HTG afterwords. Stop playing games (you can still be playful after you are a couple), remember guys are very logically so after a while he will stop look to you as an opportunity with STEVI (wonder and find someone else, you stand to lose nothing by asking him out and everything by waiting longer.

 

If I have not inspired you to ask him out, then write him a short letter stating you like him and so does your g/f, so which of us do you like ? Let me know.

 

Else if you are a really really generous person, ask him out but for your g/f and not for yourself.

 

I'll be around only till tomorrow morning GMT+4 then I am off to Iraq to training etc, I'll response to you around Friday. Do something by then.

 

For your own sake do something, anything is better than doing nothing, the longer you ponder the more evidence you will produce to yourself not to do the required.

 

TC 8)

[BandNerd1001]

Then again, Not that i had time to think about it. I do like jordan. I mean i will talk to colby and he wont even listen to a word i say.

Jordan was just super nice to me today... yeah.. he funny, sweet, cute, tall. smart.

My friend who likes colby is good friends with jordan. They used to like eachother in the 6th grade. Funny how we kinda like the same guys. Any ways... she was talking to jordan at lunch ... and this is what she told me on AIM today:

 

sum41Gurl: i brought u up in one of our random conversations to day and guess what JORDAN said!

Me: What did he say???

Sum41Gurl: he said that u r REALLY( he imphasised that word) nice and really cool. u should tlk to him more !!!i think it its workng

Me: he thinks im "cool" how? I dont see how everyone thinks i am cool this year. That awesome i guess though. Is that good?

sum41Gurl: yeah

 

So yeah... maybe he has pretty good intrest in me.. think?

[bader]

I'll tell you a little secret, sometime we as people change a small part of ourself, but generally inside we feel more or less the same, however you start to notices people commenting saying you are great at x or y.

 

You feel like nearly everyone is motivating you to do whatever, but you kind of think to yourself, I am still the same person a year or six months ago, whats up with all of this new positive encouragement, what are they up to hmmmmmmm.

 

The thing is a small change like smiling more, a slight increase of confidence on your part can present to people a different image of yourself. It happen to me too, you just need to realize that you have changed and all of the confidence people have in you (in your new found coolness) is as a result of something you have done, so start believing you are cool because you are.

 

 

So I guess you chicken out of doing anything this week. Chicken. Tell me two things

What are your worst fears about asking the guys out ?

What the best thing which could happen if you did ?

 

 

Also, I think you need to change your nick from BandNerd1001 to CoolNerd1001.

 

Take Care CoolNerd1001

[Santa]

Ask Jordan out!

Telling us what you want isn't going to make it happen, only you can make it happen.

Treat him like a guy friend and just ask him to do something with you like you would with a guy friend. Just so long as your subtle it wont backfire, and even if it does backfire, well nothing will happen.

You doing nothing wont make him like you more or less. You doing something will let you go out with him.

 

Also, if he is going to ask you out, he will be thinking exactly the same as you. If you think he's going to ask you out, just is shy or whatever, you know you have to make a move. Don't wait for him to make a move, because you'll be waiting forever. If you think he will make a move, you know you are safe to make yours, and you should do it soon before he looses interest.

 

Ask yourself this question: Do you think he likes you?

If the answer is Yes, ask him out, because if he is ever going to ask you out, he probably would of done it by now, but is too shy, and is going throughthe exact same as you.

If the answer is No, move on.

If your not sure, ask him out.

 

It really is that simple. Good luck.

[BandNerd1001]

I think you just put ur finger right on it. i have been happier, smiling more, helping ppl out more. being more generous and stuff like that. I talk to ppl i haven't b4 and stuff like that.

Coolnerd1001 HAha i like that. Thats great confidence.

 

1.) Worst fear about asking a guy out. Well that would be obvious, getting rejected. My fear going out with a guy is getting hurt. I am so afraid i will get hurt.

2.) the best thing... umm that he says yes, and that he will never hurt me...

 

Im not a big drama queen about it... i get dumped, i get over it fast, but if it relationship get serious, i would be afraid of losing him at that point.

I do need to get to know Jordan a lot better b4 i do go and decide things.

 

Today was good though. Everythime i talk to him it get easier and longer conversations. Today we wore almost the same shirt, it was funny. It said something too. My shirt said, " you laugh b/c im different, I laugh b/c ur all the same." His shirt said, " you laugh b/c im different, I laugh b/c ur all ugly." I thought that was hilarious. I about dies laughing.... HAHA. Jordan is just one of those guys that just stands out from the other ones, and even if you dont know them well, when you look in their eyes, that point you just know something might happen there. Maybe something BIG.

[bader]

So what caused you to become happier, smile more, help ppl out more ?

 

Ask Colby out on your g\f's behalf, I would call this helping ppl out ? It will also help yourself with the fear of asking guys out then later on you can talk to Jordan about what you did and kind of hint you feel the same way.

 

Your worst fear is not that he will disown you after you ask him out i.e. lose your friendship, but he will simply tell you his not interested. It more scary to go up to a complete stranger you think might be interesting and asking her out than it is to ask a semi- friend.

 

Start thinking like this,

Worsting thing He says NO, not interest in me, we become better friends and I'll find a great guy later on

Best Thing We get together and become a great couple and marry after several years of a solid relationship.

Things I need to tell him I am afraid of getting hurt by falling to deeply in love .

 

This is a rule I live by: Never fall in love deeply until you can trust a person with your life. Being in love deeply means you are handing your heart over to the other person in their trust. This does not mean you can't be in love, but what it does mean is you should not let go and plug into a deep state of love until you are sure of the person in terms of trust and honesty.

 

Remember rejection is part of a learning process, the more times you get rejected, the less fearful you are of it. This is good because if another guy comes along who you really really like, then you wouldn't have this wall of fear in front of you.

 

Well I am glad you change yourself to a happier, generous person. It now high time you change your confidence of what a great women you are and start asking guys out. Do not worry about small things and everything in life is a small thing

 

You are already a CoolNerd so become a ConfidentNerd as well (Cover all the C words)

[BandNerd1001]

ok well this is what i am going to do. Tuesday when we go back to school i am going to give jordan an invitation to come to this party i am having. Jordan calls me the gum girl so i am going to give a a pack of gum along with it. So i thought it would just be sweet and let him know that i was thinking about him. Then in the ivitation i will put both my #'s in it and when he calls i will talk to him for a while and tell him to call w/e he got bored or w/e and maybe go do something. What do you think?? Before the part he calls.... think the gum might let him know something. I dont know it sounds stupid, but yeah.

[bader]

You sound all panic struck with excitement, it feel like you have made a clear cut decision in your mind to do something, sounds great (lets see what are the outcomes).

 

I like the gum girl, but honestly I doubt he'll even notice it and make the connection of "let him know that i was thinking about him" his a guy remember, but that a really sweet thing to think of .

 

The invitation is an awesome way of asking him out sneakily.

Add an extra note to the back of your #'s

"Lets see where our friendship, will lead us. - Hotty"

This way he will know you are into him, but you want to take the transition slowly.

 

Or alternatively "We might need to change our friendship" then when he calls tell how you feel, be honest.

 

My choice would be the last one, if you cannot face your fears talk to them

[BandNerd1001]

ok i was thinking about doing that same thing, but what if he opened it in class??? Then what would i do. Im not sure exactly what to put b/c i dont want to be too..... Whats that word... idk. I am just now starting to get to know him, i need to be closer friends with him before anything else happens. You have a note idea for that?

 

Bader- i love ur support with this. THANKS SO MUCH!

[bnybrain]

I agree with Santa! Go for it girl! Then ya'll can watch a movie together! Romantic!

 

Hannah

[bader]

Don't worry so much, you don't have to be perfect and know what to do in ever situation.

 

As a suggestion for the class opening thing. If it does happen and he comes after you just say "Call me later, we will talk then", smile and walk away - be confident.

 

One of my friends told me this about relationships. A relationship develops based on the context it was original started with, so you have five doors to open to another human-being, the professional, acquaintance, friendship, best friend and the relationship door.

 

So what i am trying to say is you will not sound desperate to Jordan, all you are doing is just opening this relationship door and showing it to Jordan. You can always tell him upfront, you don't want a relationship yet, you still want to be friends for awhile. Then you or him can close or walk through that door as you so wish.

 

So go open that DOOR and don't let your gum stick you down.

 

P.S.

Just think of me as your on-line

[BandNerd1001]

ok, sounds good to me.

 

idea about a note though, should i like seal the invitation with "your gum girl" - or would that be like the "your" part be too much? Umm... or should i put something different in the invitation... like u said aslo/ or along with the gum girl thing?

 

Im just debating on what note to put in it...

[bader]

How to seal the invitation ?

It what inside that matters, your name or nick name will be just fine

Inside the invitation ?

Make it one sentence, KISS (keep it short and sweet) ?

 

Stop debating this is NOT an invitation for marriage

It and invitation for a possible relationship.

 

Remember your the women you have the power to completely reject him so act and think confidently.

 

Best of luck

 

Kiss Kiss SIS

[BandNerd1001]

Im sorry i didn't grt to tell ya'll sooner. My computer was down, well the internet anyways b/c of the stupid hurrican. Well i did give it to him. It was so funny! He was so surprised. I went over to him and handed him the initation along with a pack up gum. All of a sudden he was like WOOOO SWEET! THen he opned the initation and was like, A PARTY! I never get inited to a party! And Colby and i died laughing at him. He acted as if he were 7 years old. He got all excited. He goes Hey can i bring Slipknot? So i guess that means hes coming. AWESOME!

I dont see why they made us go to school today. The power was out and classrooms had on light. 5th period i lucked out, or we did. we moved to another room were there were windows. I sat up front, and i would turn around when ever like someone was talking are being asked a question so that i can listen to them. Anyways... everytime i saw that jordan was looking at me and whenever i looked back he turned his head. LOL. Well it was ooo funny today. HAHA i still think its is funny! A PARTY! WOW!

 

MAny laughs. Well i think he liked that.

 

IT POORED ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!!!!! I was soaked, the school smelled like the locker rooms! Anyways... yeah i saw jordan going to 1st period he was trenched!... HAHA. Well i guess it went well. COLBY AND MY FRIEND ARE STARTING TO LIKE EACHOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

 

I played cupid good.

[bader]

One sentence: YOU ROCK GUM GIRL

I can image you understand who has the POWER now. YOU. Don't give him your confidence away girl, think it dream it, do it.

 

The look and turning away when you look at him 100% attraction sign.

 

Believe me the more you ask people out the more laughs you will have, sometimes it can be a bad day, but most of the time you'll enjoy the experience.

 

BTW what was in written in the note ?

 

Let me know when Hurricane Gum Girl strikes again.

 

I am so proud of you

[BandNerd1001]

HAHA thanks!

The note, all i said was just something simple. I just put: Hey, i thought this would be a good opportunity to get to know eacother other better. You should give me a cal sometime and we should get together.

- "Your" Gum Girl

 

OMG, Colby at lunch when my friend walked by he was like hey lauren! She was like hey!!! We looked at eachother and she nuged me. That was the 1st time he said her name.

 

Well today i walked into 5th period, it was normal... Then after everyone came back from lunch i got out a piece of gum. Guess what i was asked??

Yes, Colby and Jordan both asked me for gum after i gave them each a super pack yesterday. I was like where is ur gum? they were like we ate it all. I was like ALL of them!?! HAHA they were like yeah. They are too much to handle. HA. It was funny though, then they went and asked crystal if they could have some i was like, no dont give it to them! HAHA. They got it anyways.

 

Well as i left the room in 5th period Jordan is like "Stevi" in a really slow deep voice. Lol I looked back and i had to look up, then i smiled really big. When school was out i was on the bus and i was talking to lauren. She was talking about how she was so happy that colby actually knew her name and called out to her. He did it again going to 6th period. Since she is good firneds with Jordan, and they used to like eachother in 6th grade, she knows a lot about him. Well i told her about the thing he did where he just said "Stevi" she said he doesn't do that to anyone else but her. She was like and thats a good thing. So we are both like WE!! Well jordan and colby both are coming to the party, as well as lauren. So it will be Much fun experience.

 

Well i am off to do Hw now. I had a good day

[bader]

Well I guess Colby know about the thing with Jordan, which has got his head think about your friend. I suppose he is awaiting for his gum as well.

 

Best of luck at the party.

 

Don't be or

[BandNerd1001]

OMG i dont know what to do now. I like him ok. I do. The other day he was talking and he was like,"you know hwat sucks, i cant go to homecoming." Then i got this click in my head or something, now i feel bad. I guess i might have been expecting to go with him or something. Now it makes me want to forget about him, but i dont want to. I do like him. i really think he likes me, but the thing is... he doesn't flirt. He will go "Stevi" like is stevi, or looky its stevi she cool, or stevi, YAY, Type of voices. Thats all, i just want a guy that flirt with me i guess. I like him i do. BLAH>

 

Then if some other guy i know flirts with me, i feel as if i start to like them. I dont like that. I guess its b/c i've wait so long for jordan. But yeah this guy in my trumpet section friday i am good friends with just wraps his arm around him and goes, sorry i was about to fall asleep. He was like grabbing my hand and arm the whole night. Hes never done that b4. This was at our game by the way. "I was like no! Dont do this!" in my head. b/c i knew this would happen.

 

I hate me... i feeeellll like i am acting desperate. Im not though... Im just easily influence i guess u can call it. or what ever word u can find to put there!

 

NO DONT LET THIS HAPPEN I LIKE JORDAN!

[bader]

Sickness

I do like him. i really think he likes me, but the thing is... he doesn't flirt. He will go "Stevi" like is stevi, or looky its stevi she cool, or stevi, YAY, Type of voices. Thats all, i just want a guy that flirt with me i guess. I like him i do. BLAH

 

Cause

A nice guy will stop flirting with you and mostly like act sweet at best. Basically he usually worships the ground you walk on. This is caused by his mother and father relationship, MUM likes sweet things and DAD never shows attraction methods (usually).

 

Cure

Guys are goal oriented, so give him a goal, tell him directly or indirectly that you are turn-on (as most women are) by flirting and that he does not do it.

 

Sickness

Wondering

i really think he likes me

, your not sure if he like you hmmmmm.

 

Cause

By not asking, playing games, interpreting things wrongly or overly interpreting things, mixed with emotions can cause this.

 

Cure

Walk up to him and asks him if he really likes you or not. Method: Y: "I like you Jordan, hmm So what are you going to do about it"

 

Question: So what happened at the party ?

[BandNerd1001]

Nothing happened at the party. The party is this weekend.

Quote:

I do like him. i really think he likes me, but the thing is... he doesn't flirt. He will go "Stevi" like is stevi, or looky its stevi she cool, or stevi, YAY, Type of voices. Thats all, i just want a guy that flirt with me i guess. I like him i do. BLAH

 

 

Cause:

A nice guy will stop flirting with you and mostly like act sweet at best. Basically he usually worships the ground you walk on. This is caused by his mother and father relationship, MUM likes sweet things and DAD never shows attraction methods (usually).

 

I can see where you are coming from, and i understand. We were moved in class and now i sit behind him to seat to the left. So i can see everymove he takes, and he can sorta see me. i often catch him looking back. I am always talking to this dude beside me, just b/c he talks to me. i think Jordan is getting the wrong idea too. I want to ask him to homecoimg, im just not totally sure if i should or not. Lauren said that jordan told her that he wasn't going to go unless he has someone to go with. So i know he s not gonna ask me. I would have to ask him, im just not sure. I would know how to, but the best time is in the morning. I dont see him then. I would have to give him a note to meet me in the commons area in the morning. I guess that could work. I dk.