Break?

[diana084]

My bf's been telling me that he's having a lot of personal problems that he needs to fix,his family getting their nose into his personal life,treating him like a child,he needs to get a new job,he needs to leave his house,etc.He has also told me that he doesnt know if I'm the one person he'll be with always.I never asked him to tell me that,I myself dont know if he's the one yet he says that I've showed him that in some ways.He says he cant think about marriage or engagement or anything like that until he's done with school,at least 3-4 years from now.Which makes me think that I've somehow been talking about that way more than I should have.He also told me that he feels our relationship is getting too serious and he is kind of scared.He has doubts basically.Ok,so whats left for me to do? I love him deeply and I know that I want to be with him.Just last week I made a huge sacrifice to go see him (he's 4 hours away from me right now) and now he tells me all this.

In a way I feel sad cause I feel like I know what I want and he's not sure yet.I know he loves me and he tells me that he wants to be with me yet he's having a lot of things going on right now and he's been feeling bad lately and he needs to sort everything out.He says 'we're going to go through this' but I dont know.

Another thing is,I'm his first real relationship cause he never had a gf before,just random girls.He always told me he didnt want to be with anyone cause he was scared of getting attached to someone so maybe thats whats happening now with me.I was thinking on giving him a break,not only for him but also for me.I dont wanna get even more attached to him cause I'm scared of getting hurt,but I have mixed feelings about the 'getting a break' thing.If I back off a little bit,do you think it'd be all right? what do you think its the best way to go about this?

Thanks in advance.

[sayer7]

Another thing is,I'm his first real relationship cause he never had a gf before,just random girls.He always told me he didnt want to be with anyone cause he was scared of getting attached to someone so maybe thats whats happening now with me.

 

I think you should back off a bit. It seems clear that he's doing his reguarly thing about not getting attached to a woman...in this case you. From what you've written, he seems to be a committment-phobe and I don't know if you plan on toughing it out, but I think if you back off a bit, take a break for yourself you might realize you don't want to be waiting around forever. He's clearly going to wait a few years before he seriously considers a committed relationship with someone, are you willing to wait that long?

 

Only you can judge his true feelings for you and yours for him, but from what you've written it seems he's being overwhelmed with school, family, work, etc... he doesn't seem to want to get attached to you until all his issues are sorted out and he has graduated, etc.

 

Are you truly willing to wait 3-4 years with no committment from him?

 

Maybe it's best to back off and see what happens (not like it's a game to see if he comes chasing you) but to give both of you a break. He might come back to you in 3-4 years, but then you'll have to wait 3-4 years for this to happen.

 

It's up to you cause you know the situation best, but personally I would back off.