gay porn

[kaliikat]

My boyfriend is bi and i've known this for many years. He's pretty open about it and it's never really brought up any kind of problems for us, until now. He says that he's starting to fantasize about men again. It's a pure sex thing for him, he doesn't want a relationship with a man, he just wants a j/o buddy...as he puts it. Although I know this is wrong, i've been reading through his emails and I found out that he's joined a gay personal online service. He's posted naked pics of himself and is talking with other men. Most of the men are in different states and has no way of ever meeting up with them. I've been keeping a close eye on him and he never meets up with anyone. There's never even talk about meeting. I think he just enjoys fantasizing about it and that's as far as it goes. Would you consider this a major problem or would you consider it harmless. Part of me wants to think that it's just like looking at porn and another part of me is so afraid that he's going to act on it. We're almost always together so it would be hard for him to do anything behind my back but I don't want to have to keep such a close eye on him. I've asked him about it and asked if he wanted to go that route. I told him that we could have a threesome with another guy but he says that he doesn't want to share me and things could get complicated. he would rather just have a j/o buddy and thinks that it's harmless. What do you think about this? Am I worrying too much, or not enough. I don't know if it's time for me to get out or just work through it.

[tiger_lilies]

Personally, I couldn't accept that. You are very open minded to be okay with him being bi in the first place. Cheating is cheating. Whether it be with a man or a woman. I would be concerned if I were in your place. It's good that he is open to talking to you about his feelings and you seem to be very supportive of his feelings. But if that means it will hurt you in any way, you should definitely watch out for yourself.

[dpressedone89]

hmm i myself am bi, i wouldnt worry about it but then agian dont let your guard down what would yo do if he joined a stie like that for straight men? just a suggestion, do u look at porn? if so maybe u 2 could do that together. that way he gets his j/o buddy and yet hes still doing it with u. hope that helps some

-stitches aka TheAntihero

[Dezeard]

It could easily just be a phase that he is going through. I wouldn't be worried unless he starts acting differently, or makes an effort to start meeting with these men. I wouldn't suggest snooping anymore, as that is disrespectfull. If he finds out, it could give him a reason to persue men even more.

 

Just be carefull.

[kaliikat]

Thanks for the advice. I wish I would have never started reading his email because what you don't know won't hurt you and I know too much. I can't ever confront him about anything because it would give me away so I just ask about it like i'm curious. I know every piece of his life through his email and it just ends up hurting me in the end. How in the world do I stop? Especially after all I know. It's like a book that I can't put down. It's to the point where I have to figure out what the last page says. Will he meet up with another man or won't he. But I know there will never be a last page, it will be a terrible cycle that goes on forever if I let it.

[Quimninja]

My feelings would be, first of all don't listen to anyone who thinks it's not ok to go out with someone who's bi, being open minded is good. But Tigerlillies has a point, cheating is relative. If your partner is doing things behind your back that hurt you, whatever those things are, that is wrong. To him, it probably means less than nothing, just as harmless as looking at porn or whatever, but if it upsets you, it isn't right. I once got really angry with my boyfriend when we were both on a chatroom and he private messaged this girl and wouldn't tell me what he was saying....yeah so she was in america and we were in england and it was harmless fun, but when i fall in love i get passionate and jealous.... I would say, don't keep secrets and don't put up with secrets that hurt you

[bluaria]

Well I have a semi-ending to the story and thought I would share it with everyone. So I kept checking his email and found out that he had found another guy through a gay personal site and exchanged phone numbers with each other. The only thing the email said was "lets meet up, here's my number" I had no idea if he was going to pursue it or what, I didn't see a reply. My boyfried said he had to go to work at 9 when normally he doesn't have to be there until 11. So i'm already on my toes wondering if something is going to happen. His cell phone rang this morning about 8:30 a.m. He was still asleep so I get up and see who's calling. I see the guys name that was in the email. The guy he's going to meet up with. He leaves a voicemail and I check it because at this point I had to know what was going on. This guy is confirming that the two of them are meeting at his house at 9:30. So at this point i'm so so mad. I got my boyfriend out of bed and confronted him. I asked where he was going at 9:30 because it sure wasn't to work. I told him that I had checked his voicemail and that's how I knew about it. He came clean and wasn't mad about me snooping. He was more relieved about not having to hide it anymore. You have to understand that meeting up with guys is not something he always does. The last time he did this was about 5 years ago before we were even together. It's just something that turns him on and he got curious again. So to say the least, He told me everything and even called the guy in front of me to explain why he wouldn't be there and that I found out. At this point I feel so hurt because we've been together for 4 years and he would go ahead and do this behind my back anyway. I'm not sure how to handle it. I guess day by day. He feels terrible, I feel terrible and that's pretty much how it ends.

[bluaria]

didn't mean to confuse anyone but bluaria and kaliikat are the same person. I didn't realize I posted with two different names. oops.

[alex892004]

if i were you i would tell him that as long as hes going out with you, no 'jo buddy'! thats just werid! as far as worrying, the only thing that worrys me about this situation is you reading his emails.... thats sooo bad. if he found out, it could be over. so would stop doing that, and just trust him. if you find out he did go out and find a 'jo buddy' behind ur back, dump his ass, otherwise, just chill, and ride this one out.... im sure it will be fine