am i being used if it kills me?

[ForGotten]

i used to be friends with this girl (im 14) and she got me into trouble with social services because i sent her a text thinking it was her texting me when infact it was her mom, but i said that i was going to kill myself.

 

Now shes said the same words to me before so many times, she also says she sleeps with guys to get drugs, me and my friends don't believe her but whatever we do she won't tell the truth she said once to me that she egsadurates sometimes but i just want to find out the truth. we havnt been friends for a while now but shes been giving me different signals and she started to destroy me if you know what i mean. i think shes trying to kill me mentally, because shes doing everything i did to myself, hurting

 

herself in the same places i did and everday i see it and start feeling worse and worse everyday. i dont know wether to believe what i hear or not. is she using me?.....if you can help i thank you greatly.

[cp4200]

First, talking about suicide is not a laughing matter, nor one to really joke about to anyone. As you found out, someone might misinterpret it, misuse it against you, or it will could come back to haunt you later.

 

Life is a serious matter, as are friendships. Rules do apply with friends as well. Treat others the way you want to be treated and you will find that most of your friends will do the same.

 

This girls sounds like she is lost and looking for attention by exaggerating and making up stories.

 

Talk to her in private, and tell her that you are concerned about her. That you don't want to lose her as a friend, but if she continues this charade, then you have to move on with your life.

 

Sometimes a little honest confrontation, and perhaps a little scolding will bring a friend back into line. The scolding is one that says to her that her actions and and comments are not appreciated. That you know she is a better person than that, and you don't believe what she is saying is really true. Help to reinforce her self esteem and confidence. Someone may be telling her she is bad or worthless and she is accepting someone elses opinion of her.

 

Sounds like there are more problems in her life than you know. Everyone in life has a story. That story is how they feel they are being treated by others usually, and more often, if someone is willing to just listen to that story, it will help that person more than you know. To listen, not judge, not criticize, just listen, and offer to help at the end of their story. Something like, How can I help you?

 

Forgiveness goes a long way to helping a friend and restoring a friendship. If you forgive her for what she did, she may respond in kind and you could have a true friend for a long time.

 

Try this out and see what happens. It just might surprise you.

 

CP

[ForGotten]

i've heard her life story i know it all she told me it literally everyday, i want to help her i really did try, i listened but its so hard to cope with its like shed changed it everyday, nd when i did send that message i was just about too ive only ever said it once and i got involoved with social services, but shes said it to us so many times and she just laughs at us for overeacting.it scared me everytime.

But now we know shes doing it to cry wolf attention seeking maybe, i cant talk to anyone about it because i dont want to get her in trouble, but she seems to like getting me into trouble. its a very complicated situation at the end of the day and she just wont listen weve tried everything we know, nothing helped.... thanks for your reply though but its very complicated to explain.

[dikaia880]

You should talk to someone about her problems. It won't get her in trouble, it will only keep her out of trouble. Please talk with someone.

[ForGotten]

but wont she get in trouble if they find out she has been doing drugs and sleeping with people shes only 14 too, but if shes not doing these things will she be in more trouble for saying it?

[cp4200]

It's always more complicated than it seems at face value. However, if she is not doing these things, why would she get into trouble. Perhaps someone else can help to point out to her that she shouldn't be saying these things. A bad reputtation earned or only suggested is to many people, one and the same. They don't know which to believe, and may treat her accordingly. In which case, it is more than likely that it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy for her.

 

On the other hand, if she is doing these things, she's already in trouble, and probably scarred for life. So getting her out of these things is better than watching her go down hill for good, perhaps to an early grave from overdose or other problems.

 

It's a two edged sword, but you might talk to a counselor using a fictitious situation to inquire how she could be helped. Doesn't mean you have to turn her in, unless that is what becomes necessary.

 

Errors of omission, such as not doing anything, can be perceived in the eyes of God, to be as bad as the commission of an act. Not helping her might be a question that is put to you on judgement day. Sounds odd, and goes against the grain of not minding other peoples business, but there is always a price to pay for any decision in life that we must make.

 

The Bible does advise us to point out the errors of a friends' ways, and that we should try to help steer that person to the right path. Yet, does it mean that you should continue after several good attempts, and this person still refuses your help. Probably as much as the saying that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. If it works, you've gained a friend for life, otherwise, if she continues on like this, you have no friend, just a lost cause. But it is her decision, not yours. You tried to offer her help.

 

Chuck

[ForGotten]

i understand that there are two sides to every story but in her story there are like 5 sides to it, well thanks for all your help guys, ill take everything to mind, thanks again.

[cp4200]

She may have five sides of stories, but only one is true. The rest will be imagination, fantasy, and illusion, perhaps even disallusion.

 

Keep asking her indirect questions, like the same type of question phrased differently and eventually the real one will come through. For example, if she wants to keep teliing you about this or that experience, then ask her how she liked it, what she enjoyed. Be specific and pointed in your questions, then rephrase them differently, like, That "trip" you told me about must have been really enlightening. So what did you learn from it.

 

When we seek to deceive, we must make the next lie bigger to continue it's chain. At some point, there is no more lies that can be added to keep it believable. It becomes unbelievable. That is your angle.

 

The truth is more straightforward and needs little explanation or puffing up to tell the story..........

 

Good luck

 

CP

[i_hate_the_world47]

This gurl isnt using you,she is obviously crying for help.Mayb she wants attention and doesnt know how else to ge it.Its rong and i understand that you r mad but talk to her about it.

[hardcore]

lose her you been throw to much just to be brung down bye some kiddy game . don't play games i don't and im a very unhappy man. i can't tell you what to do you have to figuer that out on your own. but until then i wish you the best

[pumkin_fairy]

i agreewiv i hate the world she jus cryin for help