I need help!

[trapped87]

I just discovered this website, so maybe i can find the help i'm looking for now... to make a long story short, my whole life i've had dreams that were really bizarre. actually, they weren't really dreams when i was younger, it was my imagination... in these things i imagined at night i was always in a bizarre sexual situation (and this is when i was like 5 years old too...). for example, i would be strapped down to a table or in a cage and some person would be doing.. stuff.. to me. this has been a part of my life forever, but i never talked about it because i was too ashamed. even now i am ashamed because it was my imagination generating the thoughts, so i kind of think i made it all up. i have no idea why i would do this, especially as a little kid, so it is something that haunts me. as i got older, i was sort of depressed because my mom is really overbearing and controlling, and i would combine my feelings of shame with what i know she would think of me for thinking about such bad things. last year i started attending my catholic youth group and i got really close to the youth ministers. everything kind of spilled out of me and they tried to help. but i am furious with myself becuased i didn't want to tell them the truth about my imagination and dreams, but i knew i needed help... anyway, what i ended up doing is accusing an uncle of mine who passed away from cancer (and was alittle weird...) of doing stuff to me. i wanted them to know i needed help but i was too afraid to tell them the truth. my parents ended up finding out and they started sending me to a psychiatrist. i also started taking zoloft. but i talked to her the same way i had talked to my youth ministers, and i eventually stopped going because i wouldn't let her help me. i think i was afraid that whatever i told her would somehow get back to my parents. now i want help again, and i don't know what to do. please help me, i feel so trapped...

[tRiKTa]

Hi well if u really want help then go to a psychiatrist, u don't neccessarily have to go to the psychatrist that your parents sent u to but instead choose your own. It is much better and easier for you to talk to the psychiatrist if you trust them. I have had experience being with a psychiatrist and at first it is not easy but after a couple of times seeing and talking to him/her it gets better and in the end they can really help you a lot.

 

what i ended up doing is accusing an uncle of mine who passed away from cancer (and was alittle weird...) of doing stuff to me

 

I also think that it would be a good idea to clear this up what you said about your uncle just tell the truth. By all means if he did do things to you then say don't stay quiet but if he didn't then u shouldn't blame him, this will only stay on your conscience and haunt you making u feel guilty for falsely accusing him.

 

If u do find a psychiatrist allow him or her to help you do not shut them out. Get everything off your chest, tell the truth, say everything that is on your mind, this may relieve you of the feeling of being trapped as you will have no more secrets, just get them all out in the open. Take it slowly step by step everything won't just get better over night but eventually it will and you will see the changes.

 

If u still cannot cope with the psychiatrist then the best thing to do is to tell your parents, sit them down and tell them or perhaps a close friend or family member. I know and understand that this is not always the easiest thing but your family are there to support you, if you tell them everything you may find that they don't react as badly as you thought, but maybe more understanding. Nevertheless you need to get everything off your chest otherwise you will always feel trapped whether you tell family or psychiatrist you have to tell someone and then eventually things will get better it just takes time but it is all worth it in the end.

 

Hope I helped

[Swiss_Chic]

I had the same type of dreams when I was little. The have worn off, thankfully, but I still feel guilty about them. I finally began talking to my sister, who was very understanding. Since then, I have forgiven myself for the things I experienced when I was young. I have no idea why it was like that. I was never abused, never molested, never talked to in depth about such things. In fact, I lived in a nice town, had a supportive family, and life was peachy. But i still had the dreams. I didn't try to make a reason for them though. I just let them go. I hope you can release to someone like I did to my sister and find a way to forget them.

Good Luck!