untitled, tell me wat u think

[mystery]

im pretty new at writing poetry, so please give me ur unbiased oppinion. thanks

 

its not like you noticed

or possilby cared

i never once thought

that youd show up and stare

 

out of the darkness

self destruction and fate

you grabbed my remains

but you are already to late

 

ive already fallen

already stumbled

everything you have tried to save

has precioulsy crumbled

 

its nothing speciol

nothing ill ever see

is my own lifeless body

right infront of me

 

 

 

as always

xmysteryx

[Scout]

I liked it! You need to do a spell/grammar check, though. Keep writing, and your spelling, etc. will only improve. But the actual poem was good - I think it would make a good song. Have you tried songwriting? You'd need to decide what would be the chorus, etc. Good songwriters are hard to come by. Keep up with your writing, a creative soul is bound to have an interesting and meaningful life.

[dpressedone89]

wow are you sure your new at this? that was amazing you are a great writer.that was deep and insightful and dark. i loved it keep up the good work.and well about the spelling and grammar the only thing i saw spelled wrong was special and grammar isnt too important in poetry so dont get to worried about that.

p.s. if u wanna talk u kan feel fre to pm me or anything

u r a very good writer

-sTiTcHeS

[Scout]

I just mean stuff like no apostrophes, and one or two places where there needed to be a space in between words. As I said, the more you write, the less mistakes you'll make. I really liked the content a lot.

[mystery]

wow, thanks. yeah im new at writing...and music practically is my life, but id rather play something someone gave me instead of making my own.

 

do u think i should give it to one of my friends that just started a band?

 

but wouldnt the rhyme kinda make it sound like a rap? ((no offense to anyone, but i despise rap))

[dpressedone89]

hey i think that u might wanna give it to your friend and dont worry i despise rap too for the most part but if you look at a lot of rock lyrics they have the same rhyme patterns as rap just recited differently. if your interested i know a website that offers tips on improving writing

 

link removed

 

just thought you might like it

 

later

-sTiTcHeS

[mystery]

thanks for the site. its awesome

 

a problem with giving it to my friend tho, is that none of my friends know i have n e sort of a problem. what should i tell them when they want an explination about the poem?

[Scout]

I don't think you should give away your art to your friends for their own use. Why don't you start your own band?

[mystery]

i do play guitar and it would be neat to start a band...but like my name, id rather have people know about me, but not know me. if i started my own band...then the few indaviduals that respect music enough and listen to the lyrics trying to figure out what they mean, would know part of me that i dont want them to be able to match with a face. i dont know if that makes n e sense to u guys...

[Scout]

yes, that's a challenge many artists have. but you could always say you wrote the song about a friend. Anyway, I don't think you should give your poems away to people to use as they wish. From a business standpoint, it makes no sense. Now, that may be something that won't concern you for many years down the road, but eventually it will if you keep writing and playing music.

[i_hate_the_world47]

Hey i really enjoyed your poem.It was well thought it and very well written.You should give it to your friedna dn when they ask for an explanation-give it to them

 

Meagan