Fed Up

[LoveLuck]

I've been with my boyfriend since September of last year. He hasn't had a job the whole time we've been together. He's "been looking" but I don't think he's trying hard enough. We were both unemployed when our relationship began, yet I found a job and it wasn't because of luck. I went to the local unemployment center M-F from 8 until 5. I treated my job search like a full-time job. I went on countless interviews. My boyfriend doesn't do any of this. He thinks that looking around on Craigslist for 20 minutes every other day is job searching. I have had to pay for everything since we've been together. I even paid his cell phone bills for about 6 months. He lives with his distant relatives and he mooches. I feel trapped, because if I even hint around about a split, he threatens suicide!! He's even made a serious attempt once. I don't know what to do.

In the beginning, I was totally in love with him. He's full of life and very romantic. Now, after months of his laziness and my empty pockets, I'm finding myself less attracted to him. I still love him though. The only thing is that I know he's going nowhere fast, and I'm a goal oriented professional. What to do...](*,)

[lostnscared]

Honestly, I think you need to sit down with him and tell him what you just told us. That you're losing attraction for him because he still isn't employed or actively searching for a job position. Tell him that while you still love him, you cannot continue to be with someone who isn't moving forward. He'll get the message.

Additionally--something to think about. Was he always like this? Was he ever truly driven with goals? If not I'd say you two have different values. If he was driven, it's possible that he is depressed or in a funk.

I think the first thing to do is evaluate the situation objectively--was he always like this or is this something recent? Does he have goals or does he lack ambition? Is he content with being unemployed and mooching or does he feel bad about it? Most importantly does he have the same value you as you do toward education, career, and income?

 

These are important questions to ask yourself. Based on how you answer them, you still want to sit down and talk with him, and let him know how you feel. Then you'll probably want to make a decision about whether or not you'd like to continue a relationship with him.