In-Laws nightmare!

[Hope143]

Hello everyone. I’m married for a little more than a yr now and have a baby also and my husband and I just bought a townhome together . My mother-in-law and brother-in-law who is quite young 15 yrs old lives with us because they depend on my husband as he is the oldest and their father passed away when we were dating. I really have no problem with them we get a long fine and my mother-in-law stay away from my and my husband’s business so everything works out ok and she helps me 4 days a week to watch my son since I work full time and 1 day my dad watches on his day off (my mom has weak arm due to stroke so she cant watch my son by herself). No problem there the Only problem I have is my other brother-in-law who lives 20 mins away from us with 3 kids – 2 kids with wife (separated) and a baby with new girlfriend of a little over 1 yr. he is the type that is irresponsible and continues to intrude in our life. He works as a manager at 3 differents phone stores he doesn’t work early morning maybe 11am to like 8pm, he always drop off or pick up the kids in our place since his wife(separated) doesn’t really like watching her own kids and the gf complains that if their mom don’t watch then why should she so grandma feels bad and watch them *3 or 4 days a week* and they stay over this long periods of time in our place… not only that but brother-in-law loves to stay over whenever he feels like it also with the gf and baby. I feel no privacy what so ever in my own home. It’s not like visiting and having family gathering but they make themselves at home, and never comes over at decent hour but on their own time (most of the time in the middle of the night). Although I don’t entertain them nor does my husband but my MIL does but its pretty annoying. But when there is an actual family gathering… they’re never present! I’ve spoken to my husband and he agrees with me but have no idea how to talk to them without hurting their feelings. I don’t want to talk to my mother in law about this since she lived with this type of life her whole life with her in laws throughout her whole marriage and I know she just wont understand otherwise she would have said something already. I just don’t understand how my brother in law don’t realize and even his gf have like no consideration what-so-ever, to them its no big deal. I mean I realize that they’re family but I don’t have to see them everyday I’m getting sick of them but then I don’t want to have a bad relationship with my in-laws. Just very frustrating situation. I grew up with family and extended family also and we are pretty close family but never do we intrude in each other’s everyday lives the way this ppl come to our house… I mean c’mon you live 20 min. away.. Go home! or come at decent hour like on Saturday afternoons like how normal ppl do that have consideration about other ppl. I really like them just hate the way they do things.. very unorganized, careless just kind of annoying to me. ](*,)

[CatsMeeoow]

Well my advice to you is to figure out how to address it and pronto!!!! Your own marriage is at risk by not having your boundaries respected. This will lead to resentment and anger eventually to your husband for not stepping up and solving the issue.

 

Explain to your mother in law that you don't have any problems with his children coming over for childcare when he is working and then be sure to let her know how much you appreciate that she provides childcare for you and what a great help that is but you feel too much of your personal space is being invaded by having the entire family over all the time. You are a newly married couple and need and deserve some privacy.

 

Once you've talked to your mother in law then talk to his brother.

 

Do it as a couple.

 

Be sure to tell them some positive things like I really appreciate this and I don't have a problem with this but this is creating a problem for us.

 

Choice is yours - say something politely or watch your marriage dissolve.

 

Good Luck!

[turnera]

Get the book The Dance of Anger at your library. Short book, easy read, powerful impact. It deals directly with this exact issue.