I need to get this through my big fat head

[bungalo]

It's not me it's HER. Sure there are 2 sides to every rel/ship, but when only ONE person is willing to stay and work on things it's over. I am doing ok with it's "over," not as well with my contribution to the b/u. I heard it straight from a very reliable source that it's not me it's HER. Help.

[bungalo]

Really would appreciate support ENAers...Thanks

[JonasWaingaro]

Hey Bungalo - sorry you're struggling today. That's the tough part of going back, chances are they'll do again. I would add there always 3 sides to every relationship and b/u - the 2 sides and the truth. We all shade things through the only frame of reference we have - our experiences. That can be different from someone else. As dumpers prove every single day. Anyhoo, we all play a role in the break-up. Sometimes it's big sometimes not. All we can do is examine our part and decide if we want to do something about that in the future. If we think it's a flaw. Big if. The other side is all on them. It still hurts and does make us devalue ourselves and such. But it's their flaw or issue. So if she cuts and runs every 3months it's on her. Let her run. Just don't be there when she stops again. Right?

[MsDexter]

I am not understanding what is going on?

[bungalo]

Thanks Jonas. You are right on with the THREE sides and our own perceptions. Brokenn..this is the 3rd time she's dumped me over the course of nearly 6 years. Once in Aug of '06 for 6 weeks. Back together until November of last year. Then recon in April of this year...then dumpsville last Monday!

[mantarei]

Hey Bungalo, I think alot of us are familiar with your story and its really tough that youre going through this. I was really rooting for you when you got back with your ex the last time around.

 

Im sure it must be the hardest thing ever for you to accept in your current emotional state, and even though we dont know your situation personally, im sure alot of us in here would agree with me when i say: this REALLY is for your own good. It hurts but its just a necessary hurt you have to go through to get somewhere better. This woman is messed up and doesnt deserve your commitment. Its time for you to do TOTAL NC for your own good, not in any way as a tool for retaliation/reconciliation/reevaluation. But just to GO. Move on. You CAN and WILL find someone better! Of course you will! There are loads of people out there and the idea that this woman is more than just one option in a sea of options is a mental distortion - because she was the last woman you loved. Thats all it is. A mental illusion.

 

You WILL be happy again.

[keith515]

Without knowing all the details, if you believe and was told it's her and not you, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP over the break up.

 

Feel the pain, don't fight it. Accept the pain. It WILL hurt but you have to go through it. If there was nothing you could have done, THERE WAS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE.

 

Eventually, once you accept the pain, it will feel less in the long run.

[MsDexter]

Oh wow! =| seriously? That is unbelievable she clearly has issues she needs to work on. I say stay away from her. And obviously it is not you if she is doing all the dumping 3 times =S she clearly doesn't know what she wants. What were the reasons for all this dumping, if you don't mind me asking?

[bungalo]

I'm not really beating myself up ...take if from me I've been a pro at that in the past. I guess it's kind of the shock and awe..when we seemed to get to a new level in our rel/ship and blammo...gone. Despite the better communication/better sex...I was still anxiety ridden and plagued by nightmares of her doing it AGAIN. Reasons for the breakup? OMG..mercifully I'll just give you the info on the last time...she tells me she was being lead by her dreams to b/u with me. She is way into dream analysis. The huge irony is..several days before she dropped the bomb for the third time she was complaining about not sleeeping and not having any dreams. It wasn't easy, but during this final round, I DID TELL HER THAT I WAS HAVING BREAKUP NIGHTMARES. She didn't reveal any let's b/u with Bung dreams to me. Thing is ...I do not want her back. No no no no way......I've felt fairly peaceful this time..not good ..but pretty Zen

[MsDexter]

Oh wow yours is having dreams mine was having visions LOL. I dunno which one is worse.

[bungalo]

Visions? Visions of extinguished love? I tried to get her to talk about our vision for this relationship...funny thing is..she never had the time...re-read a couple of her emails when we got back this time and it was all good stuff...got to live in the present.....