Am I getting anywhere...

[JTS]

My exgf and I have been apart for two months now and are still very much in love with eachother. Up until last week (she moved back west for the summer.) we hung out occasionally and were intimate. I helped her move her things out of her dorm and am letting her store all of her things at my house. We still are "in love" with eachother. Her deal is that she doesn't want to have a boyfriend and wants to "live it up" without worrying about a bf. Although she calls me very frequently and still says I am "her man" and that she misses me and is perfect. She wants to prove that she can stand on her own two feet. This is understandable because she is young (20). I have just come to grips with the situation and am willing to let her grow like this because I know we are going to end up together. The last week she was in town she said was the best week we were togher. We hung out like 4 times and it made us feel so awsome.

She called me last night and was telling me how much she loved and missed me and we had an awsome conversation. We are honestly best friends but how can I convey the fact that having a bf is not a death sentance and we can have fun and not have drama and she can still live it up and be with her friends. She has told me that I have done a complete 180 in terms of my selfishness and jelousy from when we first met and everything seems to be perfect but she won't call me her bf just her "man." She even wants to fly me out for a week so we can be together. She claims she is not trying to "see what else is out there." I believe her because she is a very honest person and wouldnt lie about that if she knew it would hurt me. She has repeatedly said it is not about dating other people.Any girls know why she would have this probem. She has had terrible relationships and has had a bf continiously since like 6th grade. Maybe she feels so confotable that I will not leave she wants this time to be alone knowing I will be there for her? I dont know. I need some Insight. Also last year she was a freshman in college and I think her friends had a lot to do with it. The first part of the year she only hung out with me and my friends but then she started hanging out with these girls in her dorm and I think they influenced her to not wanting a bf? they are not the most wholesome of girls if you know what I mean, which is a shame beacuse she is? Could it be she is trying to impress them?

[dikaia880]

Hey...

I know it's a very very hard position to be in, but I wouldn't try to push her or you will probably lose her all together...Be there for her, keep on doing what you are doing for her and things will work out for you...

Keep hanging in there...

[Gilgamesh]

Well, this is a tough situation, right now your not having major problems, but, how will you feel when you get that e-mail of this new guy she just happens to be hanging out with?

 

When she tells you its nothing serious, just "fun" will you feel alright with that?

 

I say go ahead, let her fly, see what happens, maybe she will mature and fly back into your arms, maybe she she wont.

 

You should keep in touch, but move forward, do not put your life on hold for her.

 

yes she is young, yes she is growing still, which is more the reason you should not put all your eggs in one basket, because as she grows, she is also becoming the person she will transform into, that path "could" lead to you or away.

 

her wanting to be on her "own two feet" also means she doesn't want anything serious now, and she may want to be off those feet with other men. or did you think all she was going to do is sit around and watch TV?

I am not trying to make you jealous, just softening the blow, so that your not surprised when this happens. as long as you expect it to happen and are OK with it, because you have that "faith" that she will eventually dump all these guys and come back to you because your love is so special, then OK.

 

What would I do? probably the same as you, i am also a hopeless romantic, its also why I have been hurt as much as i have, its also why I have much experience, but I don't give up easily.

 

Just some tips: Do not ever show your jealous , even if she finds someone, be supportive, keep in contact, but if she has someone, do not try and look insecure by trying to compete for her love, or ask for re-assurances, have an attitude of, well honey if your ready to come back here i am, if not, have a good life. you see, as long as she knows you are always available and always "there" the longer she will take because she is not worried about losing you.

 

Do your own stuff, do not tell her your seeing other woman, or dating at least not directly, let the doubts go through her mind, for example that this weekend I'm going on a camping trip with some friends and their sisters, leave the rest to her imagination. you want there to be a clock ticking, so she knows this "being on her own two feet" has a time limit, it also establishes that you are something of value that can be lost forever.

right now, she thinks she will have you no matter what she does or how long she does it.

[JTS]

Thanks guys. Gilgamesh I really like what you said about leaving things to her imagination. That seems like it would have some effect on her because now even if I am out with my friends at 2:30am I answer her phone calls. Its hard but thank you.