Ok, now I seriously need help...

[Stinkweed]

Alright. Lets see... I will do this no matter what. The problem is that calling her number without she having given it to me will probably freak her out. And well, I don't know about emailing her. I guess it would have less of an impact than a phone call. I need to do this. I found her phone number, but not her email in the student directory. I don't want to screw up even more badly... I know I'm human, and I shouldn't bother myself about the letter mistake. But it would have been better if I hadn't given it to her. Damn it, I wish I could do something. I don't want to move... Well, I'll try to give a call to my friend to see if he's got her email address. But what should I write? It will feel like I forced her to give me her email. I just wish I knew for sure how she was going to react about a phone call... If I knew it is going to be a good reaction, I would have done it already. Ok, I'll try to get her email. But I need help on what to write. I have no idea of how I should prevent her from freaking out.

[Stinkweed]

So... I am in the same dilemma. What is better, a phone call, or an email? Phone calls are more to the point, and guarantee a direct answer, and I will listen to what she has to say, and I will prove her that I gave her the wrong impression probably better. Email, on the other hand will freak her out less, but she won't know on what tone of voice I'm speaking (which is an important element in things that involve feelings), and I won't have an immediate answer. So, what should I do? Please, help me.

[wlfpack81]

NO offense man you say you're not obssessed with this girl, but from your postings and ranting about her it does sound a little shady. Either talk to the girl or just suck it up and take the loss and deal with it how you see fit (as long as you don't blow your brains out or something). I gave you advise in an earlier post but it's up to you if you want to use it or not.

[Stinkweed]

I like her a lot. It's just very hard for me to forgive myself for blowing it so badly and getting it out of my head. I know it will be like Eh? I'm Canadian said earlier in the post if I don't do something at all. I guess I will have to follow your advice... But I don't want to give up. There still has got to be something I can do. No, I won't call her then, because I'm no stalker. But what can I do to talk to her? All I need is enough time with her to apologize for the letter, and ask her email, and show her I'm not a bad guy. You know, correct the impression I gave her. What do you suggest?

[Stinkweed]

I'll try to get my friend to organize something with some of his other friends so we can all hang out, and she will be included. But if I can't do that, what should I do?

[abcd1234]

I would say that if you call her you will get a more instictive reaction but it can go badly if the conversation is no good. Email on the other hand, gives people more of a chance to think about their answer and conversations can have more thought to them.

 

I would go with the email of you can get it.

 

If your friend can organise something then that would be great.

 

Good luck

abcd1234

[Stinkweed]

Besides mentioning the letter, and the fact that I didn't want to scare her, or offend her, what else should I write in an email to her?

[abcd1234]

How are you? What are your hobbies/interests? What sports do you like? What do you do in your free time? How are you doing at school? How is everyone back there?

 

Obviously dont say them all at once!

abcd1234

[Stinkweed]

And about introductions, what would be the best way to do it on email?

[abcd1234]

"Hi , its Dead eyes. I hope you dont mind me emailing you! I relaise that i dont know you that well but i just wanted to keep in contact with people back home! So how are you doing?....."

 

abcd1234

[Stinkweed]

That's great! Thanks.

[Eh Im Canadian]

Ok, I am going to copy this thing that you should read, just in case you didn't even though I asked you too. I'm sorry enotalone, it has a lot of swear words in it, so there are going to be A LOT of *beep*s. Please don't get really mad at me for swearing or kick me off, I'll try to get rid of them, but I know I won't find them all.

 

 

 

Ah, a *beep* *beep* quandary. You know what she looks like, you know where she tends to hang out. You know who she is, yet you don't know her. Maybe you've run into her a few times, exchanged quick sentences, and said something stupid like "Well, talk to you later," and proceeded to smash your head into a wall. We all have. Don't worry, you can recover and get your act together. In fact, this can actually be a really good way to start a relationship. Since you don't know each other, you start off with a clean slate. Furthermore, you have no worries of screwing up a friendship, since none exists. Note that when this type of relationship breaks up it's nearly impossible to end up as friends. Honestly, it's nearly impossible in general, but this type of relationship having no basis in friendship to begin with makes it even harder. Think of it like starting a car in 5th gear and trying to go down into 1st - it ain't gonna happen without the transmission going bonkers.

 

You need to find out a way to contact her. Turn on your bloodhound skills and pick her scent up, man. Look her up in facebooks, phonebooks, anything. Some might call this stalking, but we call this planning. You should too. Talk to friends you can trust (be sure that they aren't going to rat you out to her for stalki- erm planning) and see if they know anything. Try to be vague while still finding out information you want if possible. If a girl later finds out you were racking up information on her it's going to come off as kinda creepy (even though it's generally what we all do, is pretty understandable, and probably even justifiable: you don't know her, so you instinctively want some details). If you see her interacting with people you know, they are the ones you need to be going to. And for God's sake, don't tell many people about your crush. That's a sure way to get the news leaked back to her and start up stupid games. You want to be able to get the drop on her without her seeing it coming in time to learn about you and decide about you before you even get a chance to ask her out or even talk to her. So avoid leaking information and don't use middlemen (or middlewomen) to go between the two of you to feel the situation out. Be a man, damn it.

 

Can you get her phone number? Do you tend to find that you run into her at certain times (suggestive of synchronized schedules) or anything of that sort? Get on going to page 8 if you have a way to get in touch with her that you feel comfortable with. Note that the phone is always best in that it's sure and more personal and guarantees a response. Email is easy to ignore or not even receive, so try to avoid that if possible. It may be that you just cannot get a way to contact her, or perhaps you are worried of looking too over-planned (read: stalker-alert!). You should certainly be careful about having a reasonably straightforward (and justifiable) explanation for how you get her personal info if she doesn't know you. You don't want to look sketchy.

 

8. Doing The Deed (With Planning)

If you are at this step, you're probably in the best position you can be in. You have a way of getting in touch with the girl (hopefully her number, we'll assume for now) and you are set. The best time to call is afternoon (think 4-ish) or evening (think 9:30-ish). The afternoon is a better bet. Avoid mealtimes, as she's probably eating (duh). Here is your goal: smalltalk a bit, ask to meet for lunch or coffee at some time, preferably the weekend but the week is also okay if you are cool with it (and she is too), a nice closure, hang up. Try for the weekend first.

 

Lunch and coffee are great to meet for because they involve very little commitment and are hard to turn down. Parties don't go on at noon, you know? They mocked going out for coffee in Good Will Hunting, but you aren't Matt Damon and your life isn't a movie so forget that and keep coffee in mind (though lunch is my personal favorite - a little more time, and easily extendable if it's going well).

 

Here is a good method of attack. Get her number in front of you. Put it down. Figure out a time you have available and a good place to meet. Piss. Go back to your room and sit for a second, then pick up the phone and dial her number as quickly as possible. Once you've dialed, you're essentially committed. The dialing is really the hardest part. Everything sort of flows after that. When someone answers, ask for her. If you are asked to identify yourself, do so. Do not leave a message if you get her tape. Do not leave a message with a person if she isn't home. Do not identify yourself if she isn't home. Say politely that you will call back, thank them, and hang up immediately.

 

Once she is finally on the line, chat her up - how is she? How was her weekend/weekday/whatever? How are classes? Talk about whatever briefly. Smalltalk tactics are yet another set of skills that come best with practice. If you can smalltalk with strangers in public places and just make some chatter about bull*beep* and put people at ease, you have a valuable skill in general. So work on that. We can teach you how.

 

If you know her, talk about whatever it is that you both share in common. If you do not know her but you have run into each other before, familiarize her with how she might remember you (don't worry if she doesn't - it happens). Try to find a nice transition (it usually doesn't happen, but see if you can) into asking to meet for lunch. Have plans for a time and place, the worst is when you have to be like "Duh, I don't know" if she accepts and then asks when and where and you are a stupid clod who hasn't thought that out. Girls hate that *beep*. Get your damn act together. Then just ask her. Something like, "Hey, I've been wondering if you'd be interested in meeting sometime this weekend for lunch/to grab a cup of coffee." Don't take a million years cutting to the chase either. Girls know what you are up to when you start hemming and hawing. If she's been vibing you back, she probably has been awaiting this call, so just ask her, damn it. Actually, ask her quickly, period. Get it over with within 5-10 minutes of talking. Anything more is going to be super sketchy ("What a great conversation we had - oh by the way, I like you!"). If she is a friend you might need to be a little specific like "if I could take you out to lunch" or something along those lines, just so she gets the clue that this isn't just a friendly little offer.

 

If she says yes, be happy but don't be like "Oh my God, really?" Enthusiasm without gushiness is the best tone to have. Make sure you have her address so you can pick her up if you have agreed on that - if it's just a meeting that won't be necessary until later. Close the conversation nicely with a "Great, I look forward to seeing you then," and make sure she has your number. You may want to have a "confirm" day to make sure both of you can still swing the date if it's a little ways away. In any callback situation, it's generally best for you to be the one doing the callback since that way you are the one in the driver's seat - instead of waiting for her to call and wondering if she will, etc. Now pat yourself on the back. You're a success.

 

If she says no, be polite. Girls have many annoying ways of saying no. They are masters of indirectly saying no but meaning no with what they say. For some reason they think it is better to be indirect and that we'll figure it out and not be as hurt as if they were upfront (which is, of course, wrong - women take note). We, as guys, are then put in the position of analyzing if it was really a polite diss or the honest to gosh truth. The most popular of these problematic responses is the "now is not a good time." Do not confuse this with the "now is not a good time, but [time] would be," which is a moderate yes in disguise. If a girl is unwilling to give you a "raincheck" that's [almost always] a bad sign. This is not to say that you can't try one or two more times, but if you keep getting the same line, read the vibes. Looking past your ego is one thing. Taking several wet, splotchy *beeps* on it is quite another. Don't do the latter. She may also "have a boyfriend," "not have time," or just plain "not be interested." The latter is brutal but definite; most men prefer a girl to put the bullet right in the offer and let 'em get going to another option if she isn't interested. It avoids games (games suck). If so, tell her you understand, no problem, and quickly bring the conversation to a close. You may drop her your number and tell her to call you if you particularly like her and want to give a standing offer. You have no reason to talk to her anymore at this point. Hang up the phone and tell yourself she's a dirty *beep* and picture her naked. Tell all your friends what a stuck up *beep* she is and have them console you. Then move on within a few days and try someone else.

 

Email is a little more flexible. Don't mail her at 3AM or something stupid like that (what does it look like if you are thinking about her at 3AM?). Other than that, say the same *beep* you'd say in a conversation. Identify yourself, say a few meaningless but polite sentences, and then get to the asking out. This is more risky in that she might not read her email or she might read it but pretend not to have read yours (oops).

 

Asking her out in person is about the same as the conversation you'd have on the phone. It's just more nervy and direct (you can see her facial reaction, it's completely immediate, etc.). This means you can also read more vibes from her as to what she's thinking, so do that. This will also be harder for you as a given (it goes both ways) so you should probably stick to the phone until you've really gotten your act together in terms of asking people out in general. An in-person ask-out is also something that is slightly less planned since it typically comes up more in the scheme of a conversation. Try to toss it in as the conversation is coming to a close, particularly if you've been flirting a lot.

 

 

 

 

 

Ok thats it, listen to some of it, it is really helpful. Unless of course, you've already done the deed, in that case, I hope all goes well

[Eh Im Canadian]

Ahh, oh well, I posted it and I saw the ones I missed, sorry about that enotalone. Oh well, its getting deleted, if you want to read it just go to link removed

[Stinkweed]

Man, I already freaked her out with the letter. Maybe your advice found on that site works miracles for others, but not for me. She is not expecting me to call. I don't know what to do. My only chance is organizing something social with her included, but I don't even know if that's possible in what time I have left. If she sees an email from a weird address, or from the address I gave her (that is IF she still has the stupid letter), she will probably delete it. Ok... Damn it! Now I'm more confused. Why do some people say it's better to phone her, and others say it's better to email. Geez, I am getting more confused now. You know what? You are right. She will probably ignore my email. But you also know what? She will freak out when she gets a call from such an unexpected person. Now I'm more confused... What should I do?

[Eh Im Canadian]

Hmm, well this is pretty difficult. I'm not sure how well the thing you are planning to do will work, but it has a good chance. How about this: Go up to the phone. Dial her number. Ask her if she would mind going out for something like coffee, or something else. Depending on her answer, (which will be any of yes, no or maybe), you should be able to figure out what to do next. Ok, how long ago did you write the letter? From reading it, she probably knows a little about you. If you cant find anything to call her about and make small-talk about, just tell her you were sorry for writing the letter. Good Luck

[Stinkweed]

It is pretty difficult. I don't want to call her. Not because I don't know what to say, or b/c I'll get nervous. But b/c she already has a bad impression about me, and is freaked out, and is not expecting a call from me. Look, I'm almost sure she would like me if she got to know me (a lot of people in this school like the type of person I am). That is because I wouldn't hurt anybody and I mind other's feelings, and a lot of people think I'm a cool kid (just reserved, and kind of quiet and shy). But right now, she probably doesn't know that (unless she felt it through what I wrote). I don't know what to do now. I am very very tempted to call her #, but I don't want to ruin my chances further. On the other hand, an email could have the exact same effects. Or she could just ignore it, and I would always be wondering whatever happened to it. Please, if only I had an answer.

P.S. I gave her the letter exactly a week ago.

[Eh Im Canadian]

Well, if she has a bad impression of you, how will just sitting there fix that? Guess how you get rid of a bad impression? Go and give her a good impression. I mean it's not like there is much of a choice in that matter. So you are just going to wait until she asks you out? Remember if she has a bad impression of you, she may never ask you. Also, if she hears you are going to this group date, she may not go because you are going. Right now you know nothing of how she feels about you. There is one way to fix this. Talk to her on the phone, and try and arrange something. An email is basically the same thing as a letter, and I hear you have some bad experiences with those. So your options are very limited. In fact, you only have 2! You can call her, and maybe get to know her how you wanted to. Or you could wait until the day you have to leave, tell yourself you will talk to her, and wuss out completely, and miss your chance forever. Hey, it's all up to you, but you have to make the final decision. I hope you make the one you truly want to.[/url]

[Stinkweed]

Well, actually she wouldn't know it. For her it would just be my friend and some of his friends asking her to hang out with her. And I'm not saying I will just sit. I actually keep posting to find a solution. I know she will not ask me out. I don't want to wuss out. But I don't want to hurry into something that may further screw my chances up. If only there was more time. It's my fault, I know. But I wish I could still see her at school, or something. Alright, I'll consider talking to her on the phone. But it's just that I'm afraid it will freak her out further, and make her feel "Under Pressure". I'm not that kind of person. But I do feel kind of under pressure myself b/c I want to do something. I need to get more information on her before I call her. I don't know... She seems like she would understand, but still... I want to make sure she won't just freak out and call me a stalker. I don't want to rush too much into it. I feel a little more "cooled down" now. But still, I do know time runs out. So, what do you people suggest I do?

[Stinkweed]

Just so everybody knows, I just got her SN. They didn't give me her email, but don't worry, I can get it (it must be similar). But still, I'm kind of hesitating about doing it. I don't want to further freak her out and intimidate her. So, what should I do?

[Eh Im Canadian]

I'm sorry, I am out of suggestions, i can't help you anymore with this. I'll go ask some of my friends, you can follow their advice if you want it. I'll post again tomorrow, saying basically what they say. I hope I am not too late.

[Stinkweed]

I really really want to follow your advice. But with the letter I created a scenario in which I don't know if suddenly calling her will be a good idea. Please, there has to be something I can do. I wish I could get her email from her, so she knows that I'm going to contact her. But there's no way, b/c I won't see her again. So, is AIM a good idea? I only have her screen name, but I will also try to find out her actual email address. And I found out her phone # in the student directory. But I don't know what to do. Please, at least give me an idea of how to not freak her out even more (more likely to be more of an "impact" over the phone), and so that she won't ignore me (which is less likely to happen over the phone). I will also ask my friend which one he thinks is better, and which one she will think is less "freaky", because he know her better. But still, I have no idea of which one is the best option.

[Stinkweed]

Alright, what should I do? Please, tell me. What would be better to do? IM her, phone her, or email her? What if I just wait? Could she just be getting over the feelings I tried to communicate through the letter? Or does she not want to ever hear anything from me again? What if I just need to wait, and I ruin it by rushing? What should I do? Please, I'm more and more confused... Help! I guess I'll have to take my chances IM'ing her. I hope she doesn't get upset...

P.S. Sorry I posted 2 times today, but I need to know...

[Eh Im Canadian]

Well, I talked to a bunch of my friends, and they had no new ideas. Sorry bout that. Ok, well you have barely any time left, so if you are going to act ACT NOW. It doesn't really matter what you do, as long as you do something.

[Stinkweed]

Alright. I'll IM her as soon as I see she is online (I hope it is tonight). I hope she doesn't go upset, or something. Wish me luck.

[wlfpack81]

Man just cut her lose and accept your loss. You're killing yourself over this girl. Just learn from your mistake and move forward b/c you kinda of sound like a broken record. Sorry to be harsh but I don't want you to end up like me. A freaking punk loser at 23 who can't a get a female. Cut your losses, go to the gym and work out, and by the time you get to college the dang shallow women will be falling at your feet.