Felt like it should have went NC hostile?

[GenoGeno]

Yesterday we both agreed to go NC....with a mutual thing.

but I feel like it would have got me better results if I had just stopped talking and dropped off the radar. Anybody else feel this way with mutual NC?

[NoVaGuy]

Yeah I do. I thought I had gotten rid of every way for her to contact me, but she has done it twice since the breakup. I responded the first time. I'm not responding this time because she lost all rights to contact me a long time ago.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah it's just weird. I don't know why i think i would have got better results if it was a hostile NC. She said promise me you'll take care of yourself and blah blah blah. And i just think she would have been in more shock about it if i just stopped responding to her all together. I almost know she will check up on me but maybe I just won't respond to that.

 

She was really up front too, for any of you wondering getting mixed signals i was getting what i thought were some where she was ask why other girls are commenting on my pictures on facebook and get all mad that they were. But she told me she was just jealous about it but still doesn't want to get back with me.

How does that even work...

[jenmar]

im the dumpee.. he was talking to me and saying he wanted to work things out for 5 weeks after our break up, on and off of course, yes I do, no I dont. ect...

I have not heard from him in a week and a half and I hate it because the last time we talked he wanted to see me and work it out.. then blew me off and hasn't responded or called since.

 

It makes me sad because I wish I would have gone NC right after the break up.. makes me wonder if he would have acted differently.. ie, asked me to get back together.. realized he missed me.

I guess its a blessing in disquise though, him not contacting me, because now I know its really over.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah it's all what if's though, I mean you can't beat yourself up on what if's. I ask my self a lot of them too...what if i had done it this way would it have had gotten me better results? and really there is no right answer...you kind of just have to let them go which ever way it comes to you. and maybe one day they'll come back. I did a lot of things wrong by asking constantly and i think that really damaged my chances but at the same time....she said at least she really knows i care now which makes her happy but she's not ready for anything. soooo who knows which way is really the best.

[jimmajam]

Honestly, I don't think it matters in the long run. If you just dropped off the radar you would get an initial shock out of her, but that's not going to make her miss you or want you back in the long run. Being apart and living your own lives for months will be the true factor in if you get back together or not. Either she will realize what she lost and come back or life will confirm she made the right decision. Like you said you really just have to let go and let time work. It hurts like hell, but what else can we do? Contacting my ex got me nowhere. She talked to me like I was a stranger. So now I have given up and decided she needs to come to me if/when she's really to talk.

[GenoGeno]

What hurt the most last night was hearing if I had just done something or talked to her about everything and made her feel better. She said this probably wouldn't have happened and she would be the same loving girl she always was until this day

It's the worst to know you caused it.

[jimmajam]

What hurt the most last night was hearing if I had just done something or talked to her about everything and made her feel better. She said this probably wouldn't have happened and she would be the same loving girl she always was until this day

It's the worst to know you caused it.

 

Don't buy it man. She is just placing blame and trying to make herself seem more reasonable. If she really wanted to be with you that wouldn't stop her. If she really wanted to be with you she'd be bothering you wondering why you didn't do anything.

[2000Miles]

I know what you mean. Last night I did not go hostile NC with my ex, but I did tell him that after hearing that he had a new love interest that I am not interested in talking right now and I am going to stop contact until I feel like I can handle it (which could be months but I did not tell him that). He tried to talk me out of it saying that "I'm so important to him that he just can't stop talking to me"

During this convo, my ex basically said that from the time of the breakup until now he was seeing if by being friends during this whole time we could reestablish our relationship..but did not tell me any of this..instead he literally played mind games the whole time we were in LC. He said that our arguments during this time just reinforced the fact that we couldn't be together and basically pushed him away..which made me feel like if I would have just went NC from the beginning we would be back together and that I caused this mess. I think that even though we may feel like we could have prevented certain things from happening, it's done with now and we just all have to move forward and do what we can do to make ourselves feel better.

 

I agree with jimmajam on the mutual vs hostile NC, I don't think its going to matter in the long run either. You will still get the same effect. If you just dropped off the face of the planet with no contact, your ex would probably get curious and start calling but the minute you responded back, they would be gone again. At least with the mutual NC you know that you will get time to heal and the ex hopefully will respect that.

[paulod]

The ex and I are on NC now, been on it for..erm over 2 weeks now I think?? when she broke up with me at start of Feb I went NC straight away, she then initiated contact after about a week,trying to make herself feel better by blaming me for all ad how she knew I knew she wasn't the one ect?? total cr**! we txt for another week, ended up meeting up for coffee as "Friends" (whooopeee what a head*** that was for me, and no doubt for her too) and not heard from her/txt her since

I'm using the time to sort my head out, re-associate myself with friends, have me time for a bit. I still want us to be together, still love her, but time will tell if it's ment to be I guess

[jenmar]

Paulod, have you tried contacting her.

my timeframe with the break up is the same as yours.. and its been about two weeks since we spoke, and when we talked he said he still wanted to work it out.. we had plans that sunday and he blew me off and hasn't spoken to me since.

 

I dont get it.

 

I asked him if there was someone else, he wont respond.

 

Im at a loss.

 

so confused.

ugh.

[1guygirl]

when i was getting the scraps and crumbs of texts they were nice but ultimately he chose to tell me "its about time i spread my wings and see the world, tho i would have settled for seeing you every day" (this was in regards to him taking a job that would 'leave little time for a relationship and be out the country alot)

 

i then sent him a lovey email saying i was gunna do NC to heal and move on and that i didnt know if i could be friends at the end of it

 

he didnt reply back, and he has respected my NC totally...to the point i now think this was all rather convienient for him, me just disappearing off the face of the earth. i guess if he really wanted me he would have broke NC even if it was one of those 'how ya doing?' texts. guess im just feeling bit low at mo

 

but least i know i went NC in the most loving non drama amicable way...

[jenmar]

Think of it as he cares about you enough to let you go.

sounds silly, but that is how im thinking of it.

 

Mine didn't tell me he was initiating NC he just did it.

I hate it, im so sad.. but it has made me realize a lot.

A. we aren't getting back together.

B. I can move on.

[GenoGeno]

I wish moving on was easier. Why do we hold onto what doesn't want us....it's kind of weird.

[paulod]

Hey Jenmar,

I txt her but didn't get a reply back, so not sure what's going on with her at all, bloody frustrating though I can tell you! and If I'm honest...I think it's rude! If there is no chance they want to contact or have anything to do with ex partners anymore then why don't they just say so, be adult about it!!we'll know what exactly is going on then, instead...noooo reply! so we'll all just sit here wondering what's going on. which takes our healing time longer than should be..

[GenoGeno]

It's almost worse when they answer though because then you feel the need to ask needy questions that probably pushes them away farther and the answers most lily will not be what you want to hear so will end up hurting you.

[paulod]

They've already hurt us by leaving mate,how can they hurt us even more???

 

Take my instance, my ex called time so she could go re-boot her head as we've had problems (see my first few posts) I totally agree that us spending time apart is a good thing as we couldn't fix us whilst we were together. I respected her space, did NC - a week later she contacted me ref getting some stuff back, okay with that, I replied. Just over another week later, another txt pretty much blaming me for everything, I took the bait and replied, messed with my head so I sent another txt laying my heart out to her, what I wanted for us, how I wouldn't stop trying, wanted to be with her etc. I get a txt back saying she loves me, but cannot trust me (kept stuff from her, argued, never cheated)

We txt every day (me initiating the txts) we even met up a week later for breaks and coffee 4 days running up to the friday.....I left her alone for the weekend, ended up depressed as hell again, met up with an old girl mate, we agreed to meet to take my mind off stuff and I spent the Sunday night pouring my heart out to her....instead of what I wanted to do (speak to my ex).

Got to Monday night, sent my ex an hello txt, how are you etc....no reply whatsoever, also sent my girl mate a txt thanking her for a lovely time with a friendly kiss on the end (good to get my mind off things ect..good to chat to a woman if I'm honest)

Still no reply from my ex up to this day!! I've not contacted her again and wont be trying to until I'm healed inside

Every day I think about my ex,just want to see and be with her and now I'm guilty about spending time with another woman?? even though I'm single?? the thoughts going through my head all the time are:

 

1. Did I mistakenly send a wrong txt to my ex??checked,double checked but can't see how I did? and she's read it completely wrong and now hates me?thinks indeed I was mucking around behind her back all this time (I'd never ever do that) and that's why no contact back?? but then no contact to tell me to go take a hike and never call her again as I'm a scumbag(which is what I would get wouldn't I??)

 

2. Was I just being used as an emotional blanket until she decided to move on

 

3. Was seeing me and pretending to be friends to much for her? it messed with my head, maybe it's the same for her, maybe she got too stressed out and has backed off big time.

 

4. Maybe her friends/family have said not to contact me as it's too hard, my friends have told me just to move on with my life.

 

See what's happening (with me anyway) because she hasn't said one way or the other that we are defo 100% done in the beginning. It's like being in a huge empty space...do I do this...if I do...what if etc..but what happens if I do that...?? maybe it's just the way I am, like to know where I stand and this is emotional enough without knowing, my thoughts are still in overdrive constantly......arrrgh!! love sucks big time!!

[GenoGeno]

Yeah i feel you man, it's kind of hard to just push those thoughts out of your time...and the sucky thing is people say go out and get your mind off that stuff....but even when I am at the gym or something I'm still thinking of her

[jenmar]

actually I have found it easier as time goes on.

its been about two weeks.

 

and im thinking

Who does he think he is..Like hes so much better or something.

 

I dont want to associate with someone that cant take a minute out of their day to reply to a text or call.

dont get me wrong. i get sad sometimes..wondering why i wasn't good enough.

 

but it passes.

stick with the boards and we will all get though it, and find new partners.. ones that will not ignore us and cherish us because we are AWESOME

[paulod]

Yeah Geno, I know, even at the gym she's in there!! but like Jenmar says, it does kinda get easier as time goes on! I don't miss her arguing with me, don't miss her ignoring me because she's constantly thinking silly things, twisting stuff, having to say sorry about old girlfriends I dated BEFORE her and her not letting go of the past..(see it's starting to work!!) do not miss that at all!

know what you mean Jenmar, who do these people think they are?? can't be civil and let us know what's going on in their heads, not as if we're stalking/terrorist txting them.

 

Yeah we'll defo get through it!! we are indeed AWESOME!! BLOODY AWESOME I RECKON! high5 to us!!