I don't want to sign the separation agreement

[hurt and confused]

Can anyone tell me what the ramifications are if I don't sign the separation agreement my husband is sending me? He made me move out of HIS house 3 months ago as a trial separation but has now filed for a legal separation or separation agreement, I'm not sure which one. Is there a difference? We had been going to couples and individual counseling and I was trying everything to save my marriage. I don't want a divorce or a legal separation, I want my husband back. Should I just sign and let him go and see if time finds our way to back to each other or should I fight for him and not sign?

[vitalcoaching]

Hi, looks like there are two issues here: one is legal, the other one is emotional.

 

For the legal one, you can check this website (the best i saw on free legal advice)

 

link removed

 

 

For the emotional thing, if you still want to get him back, I believe you need to take radical action, really fast.

 

You might have seen this e-book online:

 

link removed

 

It's very powerful with direct techniques. Don't hesitate. Get it and try straight away the strategies described in there.

 

I think you do the right thing by wanting to give it a chance. Time is running out though. Don't waste a minute.

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

[hurt and confused]

I am just about done reading "stop your divorce" and was actually wondering if those techniques described really work. I am willing to do anything at this point. I love my husband.

 

He sent me an e-mail this morning saying that the separation agreement was done but that if something was worked out before 6 months, then nothing has to become of it. His next sentence was that he was willing to go talk to our therapist and to let him know if/when I wanted to. This is giving me mixed signals. Am I reading too much into this? It sounds to me like he is still willing to try to work this out but yet he is gung ho on making this a legal separation. Is he just protecting his assets? I don't want his assets, just his unconditional love. Is it stupid of me to say I'd rather sign a pre-nup than a separation agreement?

[vitalcoaching]

If he mentions this thing about seeing a therapist together, that's an excellent sign. He is still wanting to invest in it.

 

I think he is taking steps in both directions because he wants to move on but is not yet sure in what direction.

 

What you say:

 

"I don't want his assets, just his unconditional love. Is it stupid of me to say I'd rather sign a pre-nup than a separation agreement?"

 

is a beautiful sign of love from your side. I think he should hear this from you, not in a sentimenttal way (like you are totally depending on him) but rather as a description of what you feel the relationship could be.

 

You might be spot on with the "assets thing". He might as well be afraid of loosing further his freedom and independence.

 

Make him feel totally free. No control or demand, simply an open proposition to share something special, this might move him closer to you

[hurt and confused]

So do I reply to his e-mail or just leave it be for now, and wait a few weeks then make contact on seeing the therapist? I have been replying to his e-mails except for this last one he just sent. How and when do I tell him I don't want to sign the agreement and why?

 

The thing is, he has been in this ambivilant stage of not knowing what he wants for about 15 weeks now. This is a big reason for the most recent arguments. I grew impatient and started pushing for a committment and that just pushed him away even further. It's so hard to be the one who has to just sit back and see if he decides he wants this or not. I find myself getting angry and bitter because I feel he wants a conditional marriage, for better or better.

[autumn]

When I separated from my ex 3 yrs ago, I sent her a separation agreement without delay. I wanted to make sure she had no time to think things through, so that my needs and wants would be protected. She was foolish enough to sign it immediately.

 

I may sound evil, but the reality is that she was not a very nice person, and she would play all kinds of games had I not moved quickly on this.

 

Have you looked over the agreement? Does it protect your interests? Could you say that you co-authored it? Why don't YOU write up your own separation agreement, and ask him to sign that instead?

 

OK, I know that you're more interested in getting the relationship on track. But he's probably more concerned about getting burned. He's trying to control this relationship and keep you where he wants you. Eventually that could mean just pushing you right out once he got what he needed.

 

I know this sounds very harsh, but that is a possibility you should consider. What I'm scared of is that although he agrees to counselling, it may just be a front to get you on his side. He may have another agenda. I'm saying this, because he does not sound sincere.

 

I may be wrong, but why can't things go on YOUR terms? Think about it.

[hurt and confused]

Well, I wasn't even planning on signing the agreement but if it comes down to it, I will have to take the papers to a lawyer to review before I sign them. This is not to be mean, I just feel that signing an agreement to separate means that we mutually feel this marriage is irreconcilable. If it's just his assets he's worried about then I'll sign any kind of pre-nup he wants to prove to him that I just want his love, companionship, and friendship.

 

Something just isn't right about all this. He's either lying through his teeth and stringing me along which I really don't believe, or he is scared and confused, or perhaps someone else is involved in making his decisions. He gets VERY upset and defensive whenever I have mentioned that his mother (who interferes in a huge way) or his buddies plant negative stuff in his head. I just can't imagine that he thinks I am an evil person like his actions have shown. I guess I wouldn't even want to be with someone who is so easily influenced to give up on his marriage if that is the case.

 

I feel so pathetic....