forget it

[mamachuya]

nothing

[strong1]

Well, my boyfriend 'needed' space last year..then came back after three months. Professed he LOVED ME, had MADE A MISTAKE, NEEDED me..wanted to get married..this year...same time of year...needed 'space' again..gone 3+ months this time.

 

Based on my experience, your age and the distance you two are apart..I'd move on. You've got your head on straight..don't let him mess it up again.

 

You can't 'make him happy.' Sounds like he is unhappy w/himself and wants you to save him.

[Athena]

Hey Mama,

So glad to hear that you're doing well.

 

I think you are in a great situation. You sound like you have a very clear head that is not tangled up with emotion - that is the perfect mind set for making big decision. I think you should take some time to really think about the pluses and minuses FOR YOU, that each situation represents for you.

 

With regard to the new guy - maybe some time is all you need. He sounds like he really loves you. With regard to the old guy - change is not always a bad thing and actually, change is one thing in life that we CAN count on. Nothing stays the same, including people. Which situation do you see giving you the most of what you need and want the most - which prompts the question, what do you need and want the most out of a relationship.

 

-A

[tiger_lilies]

First of all your emotions are confusing you greatly. But from a "scientific" point of view, I once read somewhere that it is much easier for women to move on compared to men. The reason is because women get hit on more rather than vise versa. Your ex spent this entire time alone and depressed. He secluded himself from everyone, that's no way to heal yourself. In the meantime, you tried your best to move on and even found someone who loves you!

 

I say give this new guy a chance. Your ex needs to be patient, he screwed up and he needs to feel the concequences of his actions. Although I don't know the reasons for you break up, I think that since you have this new found courage, that you shouldn't let it go so easily. If your ex truly loves you, he will still love you when you've had some time to think about this.

You will always think of your ex. He was a part of your life and years later you will still think about him.

 

If you decide to go back to your ex, tred carefully my friend. It's very easy to fall back into the same routines as before.

[mamachuya]

...........

[charmed]

Hi Mamachuya,

 

Difficult times !!!

Too many men for you

 

But seriously,......

Firstly don't let being in a relationship with the new guy stop you from entertaining the concept of getting back with the old guy.

 

It's really quite simple. Why did you and the old guy break up? Hindsight is a wonderful wonderful thing, and a lot of the time, we don't get to use it until after the event. You are in the position where you can at least evaluate one of these relationships with a lot of information.

 

Could you go out with the old guy again or were there things that you simply couldn't live with in the relationship? You need to think long and hard about that relationship - aside from the good points, think about the bad ones. How was he - how did he deal with issues? Are the issues that lead to the breakup dealt with now or are they still there?

 

You seem to be somewhat reluctant about making a go with the new relationship at the moment too. YOu need to decide what to do sooner rather than later so you can move on.

 

So - like someone suggested above, make a list !

It sounds a bit like an exam, but do it !!

 

Pros Cons

******* *********

Guy A Guy A

x x

x x

x x

Guy B Guy B

x x

x x

x x

 

_____________________________________________

 

You'll be surprised when you finish that page and see the whole picture infront of you how much easier a decision is to make. Also, don't get too hung up on the distance thing - of course you do have to decide whether it's a pro or a con. Perhaps better being with the guy further away and happier than the guy closer and not so happy - should that be the case.

 

Anyways,

 

Hope this helps you some,

 

~

[kipster]

Well, my boyfriend 'needed' space last year..then came back after three months. Professed he LOVED ME, had MADE A MISTAKE, NEEDED me..wanted to get married..this year...same time of year...needed 'space' again..gone 3+ months this time.

 

Based on my experience, your age and the distance you two are apart..I'd move on. You've got your head on straight..don't let him mess it up again.

 

You can't 'make him happy.' Sounds like he is unhappy w/himself and wants you to save him.

 

I agree with Strong1 on this one...Sometimes you have to know when to throw in the towel and move on...You have a good thing now...You made every effort for the EX to come back, I assume (as most of us do), and still he made no effort to comeback when your feelings were paradoxically at both their strongest and most vulnerable. Now that you're happy and dating a new person, the EX wants to just waltz right back in...as if nothing happened?

 

Think about that for a minute...When you'd do anything for him he doesn't want you...But when your happy with the next man, suddenly you're in demand! As the dumpee, you reach that point where you simply run out of fight and move on and sometimes you may settle for another, but the EX had his or her chance (as the dumper) and they didn't reciprocate when the relationship got rocky..which really shows how strong your relationship is, when its being tested for whatever reason...So now they've got to live with that and tow that long rope to try to get back...unfortunately for some, when the Dumpee has hardened, it may be 'too little, too late' for the dumper!!!

[OceanEyes]

Ah ... you've gotta love the guy who sees that you are happy and have managed to move on, and tries to swoop in and ruin things. I see so much of that on this board and elsewhere that it makes me wonder if men can EVER just realize what they have before it's too late.

 

You've gotten some darn good advice so far, and I agree with it wholeheartedly. The thing with your ex is, it's very difficult to get over him actually saying those dreaded, and incredibly destructive, hurtful words: "I don't love you anymore". The guy I am with right now said that about 5 months ago, and though we have managed to move on, I still think about that conversation, and to this very day, it hurts me and makes me wonder if he really meant it.

 

Your boyfriend is confused, you have a history with him and probably do still carry some feelings for him, thus confusing you. Not only is he confusing you, but he is messing up a potentially wonderful romance that you've found with someone else - someone who seems to BE SURE of how he feels for you.

 

Don't ever settle for second best. If you think things can move forward with your current guy, you trust him, and everything seems right, give it a chance! When I first met my boyfriend, I hadn't fallen head over heels in love with him, but a year later I can't imagine my life without him. Even though we are in a long-distance relationship, I can still feel his presense in my mind every minute of the day. Sometimes it takes time and understanding to develop true, long-lasting love. People who tell you that love is instant have had some good luck, but trust me, most people will tell you that love is something that can only be developed over time, when you truly get to know that other person. It can take many months to achieve this comfort, even up to a year or more in some cases!

 

Excuse this if it sounds harsh, but have you considered that your ex may only be contacting you because he's lonely? Is he really trying to get back with you for the right reasons? Before you even consider taking him back, you MUST have a very good, long talk. Don't be scared to ask him anything you want - what happened before, what he sees happening in the future with you, who he dated in the meantime, etc. You have a right to know these things if you are to give him the privilege of allowing him back into your life, and your heart.

 

Good luck!

[mamachuya]

...........

[mamachuya]

heyy ppl

ok, so i have figured out whati want. and i have decided ill stay with the new guy cuz he is there for me all the time and is willing to work with me in a relationship, like not to argue and to resolve problems and not ditch me like my x. besides hes cute, but for real i care for him too much even though im no head over heels like a 15 yr old girl lol so yea, letting u all know. thanks a bunch! take all of you!