Girlfriend is gone for 3 months...

[RegimeLife]

My girlfriend that I've been seeing for about a year and half now has left for Thailand to work at a resort for 3 months. This work is for her work experience hours need to complete her 500 hours (she's going to get more then that but that's besides the point).

 

So its only been a few days and I'm practically going insane. I want her back and I don't know what to do with myself. It's very hard for me to cope with this...

 

I'm wondering if anyone here would know how to cope with a loved one that has gone away for at least 3 months? If anyone knows that would be greatly appriciated.

 

Thanks,

Alex

[Meow18]

spend time with her family. even though its not the same as having her around, sometimes being with the family will help you not miss her so much. my grandma & grandpa were separated for 4 years when my grandpa went to war, & my grandma spent a lot of time with his family. it made her feel close to him, even though they were very far apart. make yourself busy with things to do, not stressful things, but fun things too. this will help pass the time & make you think about her less. hope i helped!

[kungfumaster]

Sorry - coming from a guy who had an indefinite ldr, i.e., I didn't know how long I was going to be away from her (we were together two years in the same city, and I had to move to another city to the only job I got), and having that ldr fail, you might take my advise with a grain of salt lets just say.

 

Its only 3 months man! Come on. If you're going that insane, why don't you go and visit her??

 

If you can't visit her, yes, then I agree with maggie - you have to keep yourself busy. Friends man - that's the key - go out and have some fun - I don't mean go to clubs and stuff, but just do "guy bonding stuff" - go golfing - any sport, watch movies/sports, go drinking, etc. Take up a new hobby.

 

You guys talk to each other every chance you get right?? That helps too. Send pictures of yourself to her, and ask her to do the same. Tell her all the time YOU CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HER after 3 months, etc.

 

The key here is, ITS ONLY 3 MONTHS - if you guys can't make it 3 months, then its not meant to be - sorry.

[RegimeLife]

 

 

It's not that we can't make 3 months because I know she is probably having fun over there though I'm what you call it, a romantic.

 

It's only been a few days now, maybe I'll get better? Hopefully

 

Thanks maggie for the comment you posted also.

[Meow18]

3 months is a long time to be away from someone you love! a day without seeing the one you love would probably seem like forever. me & my boyfriend live an hour away cause he goes away to school, so i only see him once a week. its hard, so i know how your feeling. it will get better though. of course you will always miss seeing her & talking to her & being with her, but thats normal. just try to keep yourself busy with friends, or a hobby, or even spend time with your family (as i have said before). i know that helps me get through the week. if you keep yourself busy, this 3 months will go by quickly. of course there will always be those times where you can't get her off of your mind & it probably helps to think about her. a cute thing you could do is everyday write something you miss about her, then give it to her as a coming home present. that would be a sweet gift & she will be flattered to know that you thought about her everyday that she was gone.

[kungfumaster]

Okay - I stand corrected Regime and maggie. Yes, it is hard and yes, 3 months is a long time. I guess I'm just jelous Regime because you'll know that you will be with your ex in 3 months, and you guys will be together after that for a long time in the same city. For myself, I didn't know when I could live in the same city again with her because in my line of work, you chances of landing a job in a city you want is next to none (unless I was a genius - which I'm not). And maggie, I guess I'm jelous of you because you're only 1 hour apart (my ex was 19 hours away by car ).

 

I made a promise to myself and my ex that I'd see her at least once a month (I had a full time job so it was hard) - and I kept that promise. I talked to her everyday, I kept busy, I even bought a computer camera so that we could see each and talk to each other through MSN everyday. I sent cards, flowers, little love notes, balloons - I planned things for us when we did get to see each other again for maybe 3-5 days, like hot air balloon rides, taking a trip somewhere, etc. I tried everything to keep our ldr strong. But it just died

 

But no - I'm happy for you maggie that you guys are still going strong despite the hardness of it - much credit to you guys.

 

Regime - hang in there man - get busy doing fun stuff Chill with the family and friends 8) and you'll be fine.

 

Good luck inspiring young people

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Lol judging by the "and she'll get more than that" you sound like you are insecure about it. And seriously, there's nothing wrong, I'm a insecure guy too and we can't help it but wonder if that special someone is cheating while they're away for 3 months and more.

 

I have recently been in a kinda long distance relationship like you are now. I was living away for a few months but I'm back now. Here are some tips I think should help you out.

 

I don't believe in Long Distance Relationships (LDR) unless its only short term as I don't see just how they can work out. Being a month and a bit away from my girl drove me crazy but it's kinda a lesson to be learnt and it teaches you just how much you need that special someone around. Here are some tips for your LDR

 

Communication

Keeping in touch is important, but it doesn't necessarily have to be expensive. Talking on the phone is great but I recommend trying to alternate who's footing the bill. Short upbeat messages left on the answering machine are nice too - you can play them over, and over, and over....

 

I can't say enough about how important e-mail can be. It's faster than mail, and it's cheaper than the phone. You can get an e-mail account at most colleges prepaid by your tuition. Snail-mail is important, too. A handwritten letter, or a card "for no reason" can go a long way.

 

Communication means talking about what's going on in your life, and how you're feeling about things. If you don't communicate, your SO(significant other) probably isn't going to read your mind. Communication also means listening!

 

On a sub-topic, there are a lot of fun things you can send in the mail: Holiday related items, tapes with music mixes, cute things you find in gift shops, videos if you have the equipment, poetry (yours, or stuff you've found), and songs. My favorite is one of those blank puzzles that you can find in card shops or art stores - make a picture/message, and send a couple of pieces at a time with letters and cards. Cookies are cute, too, if you can manage it.

 

Trust

In order to pull off a LDR, you need to have a LOT of trust in your partner. If you don't, you may end up wasting a lot of time wondering where they are and who they're with. Insecurity isn't a good attribrute to drag into a LDR. And here's your main problem, there isn't really a lot you can do but trust this girl you're with, after all, she is someone you're looking into having around in the future, how can you not trust her and if you are unable to trust her, how can you even live with her?

 

Respect

If you are leaving your SO's home area to go to college, other studies, or job reasons, do form new friendships. At college especially, you're going to a new place, and forming a new life. SO's should respect the existence and time devoted to this new life. A new life doesn't mean you don't care about your partner anymore, it means you're are still a living, breathing, valuble person when they aren't around. It also cuts down on the ever-present "I-miss-you!" loneliness/longing. Respect your partner's decision to live a life which doesn't revolve solely around you.

 

Honesty

Be honest about how you feel about your relationship, and what's going on in your life. Again, mind reading is unusual. If your studies or job are keeping you busy, or if you're sick, tell you partner - it's easier to understand why you haven't e-mailed in a while, or why you seem cranky/moody. Don't forget to tell them about the good things happening in your life as well as the bad ones!

 

In the unfortunate case you decide that the relationship isn't working - for goodness sake, don't just leave the other person in the dark, be honest with them. This doesn't mean being rude or thoughtless. Try to avoid telling them before major exams, or during finals. And don't leave it on an answering machine.

 

Love and commitment are also important, but I think that goes without saying.

Believing in true love/ destiny might help, too.

As to visiting each other, it depends on the distance, your financial situation, and what kinds of public or private transportation methods are available to you. Who pays for who to go where when and how often can end up being a point of contention, so be careful.

 

During visits, you may feel a bit awkward - sometimes I do, sometimes I don't - and things are still working. You may want to take things slow for the first few days. And in my experience, the goodbyes get a little bit easier each time.

 

Parents can be a "problem" for many teens entering in to LDRs, especially those begun online. Remember that most of the time they are trying to do what they think is best. They've seen scary things on the news, and like anyplace else, the internet has its dangers. Parents don't always have a full grasp of all that the internet is, and they don't feel like it's something the have control over - this makes them want to protect you from it. Try to explain things to them, and try to be patient. Try to avoid going behind their backs - if they find out (and they have a knack for it) they feel even less in control, and that will make things worse for you. I've had parents , so feel free to e-mail and ask for advice regarding them.

 

What about what other people think? Some people may think you are wasting time in attempting a LDR: "Why bother? It never works." (Wrong - Explore the web, successes exist). Other people think it is a very brave thing to do and will regard you highly because of it. However, it's not what other people think that should matter in deciding whether to enter into a LDR. It's what you and your partner mean to each other. Nonetheless, it is more helpful to have supportive friends.

Remember,"Absense makes the heart grow fonder". or as some believe it "Absense makes the heart cheat" - and its true enough too!