Lame or good poem?

[Hair_Metal_4_Life]

I never ever wrote a poem and I never particularly felt like writing one. However since I met my gf I felt like writing one about her. It was a bit of a challenge for me because I dont know much about poem. Just wondering that this poem that I wrote is good enough for showing or that she would think it was lame or that it isnt too good. So basically please tell me if it is showable and please be honest since I dont want to make a fool of myself. Thanks! Here it is:

 

Her eyes warn of a storm ahead

But no rain drops are ever shed

Her smile tames clouds and wakes the sun

Whoever she is with, that is who the sun shines on

 

Her heart is not unlike this earth

It has room for all the creatures in the world

One yearns to be in such a heart

For her to think of you when being apart

 

Words of adoration for her never comes easily

But when I get them I hold on to them dearly

Those words she just does not throw out

I trust in them more than anything else in my life

[sweetharmony]

i think it's a beautiful poem, except for the first line, "her eyes warn of a storm ahead." to me that's interpreted as she seems devious and trouble is ahead. but that's just me. the rest is endearing. question, how long have you been dating? if less than a few months, it may be too early to show. but it's up to you and how close you are. if you feel comfortable and want to share it, by all means. that's just so sweet.

[just_smile]

hey

 

wow i really liked your poem, i think it is very personal and very interesting, i liked all the different vocabulary you used. i think that she will really like it, i would deffinatly show it to her.

 

nice poem, you hvae talent, now you have started youd best not stop,

 

~LJ =;

[Lone Dragon]

Good Poetry Just Smile, Often the writing is something that you need as a therapeutic way of expressing the deepest part of your soul. Save it and maybe 20 years from now, see how you feel when you look back.