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Honesty and directness


number58

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I just happened to this here article by Steve Pavlina today that talks about honesty and directness in relationships and particularly when starting new relationships. It appears to be quite the opposite of the advice that the people on this board seem to be giving other people, so I would love to hear your comments on this matter.

 

The article is on Steve Pavlina's blog and is titled "Initiating Relationships with Openness, Honesty, and Directness"

 

For some reason, enotalone says i'm not allowed to post URL's so you're gonna have to google it, just search for " steve pavlina Initiating Relationships with Openness, Honesty, and Directness" without the quotes and it's the first result.

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Read this.... the guy writing the article annoyed me with his style, in fact it caused enough negative feelings in me that I had to go back and read it a second time to quell my annoyance and focus on content.

 

That aside, to content...: This would not work for me. Most guys I know have a major issue with my directness and honesty in daily life, let alone if I took this approach. Secondly, exactly twice in my life have I met someone that I felt so strong a connection with that I would even consider the word "relationship" in a sentence so early on. One was my recent ex, the other was a guy I spent 4 hours with chatting. But I would not do it for reasons stated in #1

 

As for getting to know each other, I've done that with all my BFs, dates, budding friendships, etc. We talk and talk and talk. I don't follow the "consumerist" attitude that he talks about, nor do I spend time in bed with a guy if we have not learned a great deal about each other as people.

 

So overall I have to say I'm not really impressed with this. I think it's something that might apply to a certain type of person, of which I'm not. If someone used the line on me, I'd be outta there. And I most certainly would NOT go to his house (or vice versa).

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I completely agree with the author. I'm an extremely honest and direct person in dating and I have 95% positive experiences with the opposite sex. I never deal with the "issues" I hear most of my single gfs go through and I usually land good relationships easily/quickly when I want to be in one.

 

The only time I ever have a problem with the opposite sex is when I'm not honest/direct. ie: conforming to dating conventions.

 

Be straightforward, at the very least, people respect you for it.

 

EDIT: I do not use the "I want to build a relationship with you" type line though. I can usually tell it's headed in that direction and I don't feel the need to verbally confirm it.

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that guy sounds cheesy haha. but I agree with his attitude.

because me and my boyfriend were both first time daters, we were able to be completely honest with each other. we didn't know any of the dating 'rules' and 'games', so we just did what we did with other friends. we slept over sexlessly at each other's places just to talk through the night, made breakfast for each other, told each other 'I love you', and all before we even officially dated!

 

many friends tell me they are jealous of our relationship. but then they go ahead and play silly games with their SO and wonder why it ends in heartbreak. go figure.

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