"wimpy guy" needs help (Only one more easy questio

[psycho_Jr]

hello to everyone and i want to thank everyone who got involved in creating these forums

 

3 days ago i talked with the girl i like in the university,(we are not in the same department,so we cant see eachother everyday)finally got her telephone number and after 2 hours she sent me a message saying that she would like to go to the town center with me.That time i felt MARVELOUS and messaged her back that i was busy that day and it would be better for me to meet the next day.she accepted

the day we met was better than i expected we talked most of the time,both of us smiled,she showed me her photos,gave me info about a thing she would like to participate.to sum it up,we shared something between ourselves and she said to me "it is clear that you read and know a lot and especially you have a improved music culture"

In friday i sent a message which goes on like this "would you like to go a cinema this weekend or at a time you like to go?i think you want to see the film named paycheck..." no reply came back and after 5 hours i telephoned her asking that if she received the message or not.she said that she couldnt receive the full message(and i tested and understood it was true)i asked her to go the cinema and she said that she should make weekend plans and would call me when she is avaliable.I think she made a fake smile like she was trying to be nice and open,but deep in herself thoughtful(you got the idea i think)

 

Still no messages received.What does it mean ?I mean,if she really wanted me,she would say something like "lets meet thursday", right ?

Is she trying to test me now?Can it be explained that i have %50 chance of meeting her again ?

[Superfly81]

She's trying to get you to understand she doesn't like you (anymore).

 

You send a message and after not getting a reply you call her (and that the same day). That's needy. Plus, IF she was interested, after getting only half of a message she would send you "hey, didn't get the entire message, please send again" or something like that.

 

You started of great, her sending you a message to meet shows she had great interest. However, one way or another you blew it the first 'date', probably because of the things you said.

 

My advice:

- find a new girl

- learn how to seduce while talking to her.

 

Sounds like your looks are fine, but your attitude is too needy.

[psycho_Jr]

SHOCKED

I know,calling her the same day i sent her a message was needy but i couldnt resist it

 

", one way or another you blew it the first 'date', probably because of the things you said. "

 

To tell the truth i am a pessimistic person and even i thought that i was good at the first date.We both had fun together.Can it be because of the non-verbal signals i sent her during the conversation like shyness,insecurity(which i think is a low possibilty) or is it just my needy attitude?(i though i was "neutral")

 

Will it work if i dont call her for another week and talk to to her head to head,giving an expression like i am not really attached to her like a mad man?

I think i still have chance,because if she didnt like me anymore,she would say something like "i dont want to go the cinema",wouldnt she ?

any help will be appreciated

[Rainy]

I think you need to leave it at the moment, dont text her as it she said she will contact u to amke arrangements, so let her do that!, and if you see her at university just smile and ask how she is and thats it, dont go into to much detail unless she asks about going out to the cinema,

 

and if she did, dont seem overly keen if she says a certain day and you are free just causually say yeah and make arrangements for time and venue, dont seem overly keen, that could blow it

 

If she wants to go to the cinema with you she will get in touch!

 

Goodluck!

[Superfly81]

Psycho,

 

shocking you always is the best way to help. If you seem insecure and needy, visit some websites and read about the subject to change your attitude while you are with women.

 

Not sending her a text message now is the good idea. Drop her so she will think she misread you and you were not interested. This might stirr her up... if not...on to the next.

 

It might seem like a cruel world, the world of dating, but if everything should go smooth...there's no fun and sites like this one and manadvice would have no visitors

[psycho_Jr]

Thanks for help friends but she sent me a message 1 hour ago telling that she already got a boyfriend so it will not be suitable for her to go out with me

That is a pure lie (why did she want to go out with me at first anyway?) and i feel sad by the fact that i was judged with the first impression i made(fools judge people by first impressions,right?) which included caring,sensitivity and sharing which most of the men who have dates dont have and by the fact that i gave all my heart to her

I will go on visiting some sites giving info about these kind of stuff,but i dont think i will be successful,it is not that easy to change your character which is formed by your past experiences.If i could change,i would not wait another minute !Who wants to be sensitive anyway!Dont want to participate,thanks.I would like to forget her and get to the next one but i dont have emotions which i can swing away

I quit..

Tired of being seen as a "friend"

[woopsydaisy]

hey..... try not to get so down ( i know its easier for me to say).Your going to meet lots more women while your at university and even when you finish.I know no one wants to be alone and its not nice.Even though you have feelings for this woman you have to just let this one go.Just remember your not always going to feel like this and your bound to meet women who share your traits.I would question the needyness claim.i wouldnt look into that to much unless you know otherwise..i think when you meet a woman or a girl who you think something could happen with.... your bound to be over excited and want results fast, but as you know you dont always get the results you want.Not all girls are going to be like this and every girl is individual and reacts diffrently to situations.Just try and learn and move on .......and try not worry to much.Theres going to be plenty more women out there who you will have feelings for which will materialise into something more positive.Take care just be yourself

[psycho_Jr]

Everything you say is right

In the heat of the moment i was out of my mind and acted like she was the only girl in the world.I shouldnt have given all my heart

By the way i talked with her today,said that it would be better if she told me she had a boyfriend at first,told her that we were just met and i invited her to cinema as a friend.She told me that we can go somewhere again.Her teacher had already entered the class and we said or goodbyes

I know,she cant be really honest by saying "we can go somewhere again" but at least i feel refreshed by the fact that she sees me as a "good friend from another department"

Are there any possibilities except forgetting her and leaving her alone?

Will it make me(or her) any good if i leave her for sometime(weeks?) and act as a good friend of her ?

Thanks

[woopsydaisy]

if iwere you i would just play it cool for now.Be a friend by all means and if she wants to go to the cinema let her do most of the chasing if she has her number.If i were you i wouldnt go out anywere with her unless i had it out my system about the chance of her of being dating material, otherwise you would just end up back to square one.At least something positive can come from this, just dont go chasing her...and remember you will be ok in the long run.

[psycho_Jr]

i got it,thanks

Everything you say is true and nasty.

From now on I should start changing my perceptions

[woopsydaisy]

True and nasty i hope not!!......maybe i better start changing my perceptions !!!!!!

[psycho_Jr]

Edit:Same message posted

[neva_black_n_white]

with new relationships you never should be pushy, it was alright that you rang her after texting her but i wouldnt have done it in the sense of saying, did you get the text, at that point you do seem needy and possibly a little over crowding in what space she has got.

 

the positive thing is that she did give you her phone number and initiated the first contact so this is a good sign,i wouldnt say that she dislike you or she wouldnt have bee as open when you met up in town i would say that she may be a little apprehensive and not as positive as before.

 

i wouldnt try and pressure her in any way and she said she'd contact you, so i wouldnt go and keep texting her, unfortuantley the ball is in her court and you will have to let her play it, by jumping over there and gettong the ball yourself is just going to makeher feel deffenseless.

 

i hope this helps.

kel

[bzborow1]

Hi there!

 

Well the first step is actually realizing that you have "wussy" behaviors. Think of it this way, you may be caring, sensitive, and an all around nice guy, but you need to get past the initial phase for someone to see that. In the initial phase acting overly caring and sensitive comes accross as needy. Would you want someone acting in the manner you did w/her with you? I would hope not, because that's not fun!

 

From what you write you come accross as unsure of yourself, and this could be the key. Why should she "go places" if you seem unsure of what it is you want. You seem to want her, but perhaps you were trying to hide that like somehow she's not going to know you think she's good looking. Furthermore, if she wasn't good looking you wouldn't think she's got "inner beauty"....and since we're acknowledging that, that should take some pressure off.

 

When you are needy you come accross as nervous and unsure. One thing about human behaviour is that we tend to feed off each other, meaning that if you meet with her (or anyone, a girl u walk by in a mall, for example) and come accross as cool and comfortable, she will pick up on that. On the flip side, if you act nervous, unsure, and seemingly looking for her approval for you to talk, then she will be uncomfortable as well.

 

I think you should take the 1st posters advice and move on. BUT....always look for opportunities. An example, you could tell this girl (your new friend)....

 

"you're going to make a great friend because i'm sure you have a lot of hot, single friends and you're going to introduce me to all of them"

 

Always look for opportunities and put yourself out there. Women love that!

 

Cheers,

 

Bill

[psycho_Jr]

Thanks for your help friends

I got the idea, i will not chase her and when i see her,i will only make eye contact and say "hi" to keep my friendship and to make her feel that i am not chasing her anymore.I also should date with other girls to gain experience and so on.

This was a tough one,she is-without a doubt- a very experienced one and i am not.It wouldnt lass long and in the end it would be worse for me anyway.That also means that i should learn some ways to keep my emotions under control.

[vfunkera]

hey jr,

 

By being needy on the first date you automatically put yourself in the unsuitable partner category. Don't let this bring you down however, learn from what you did wrong.

 

Remember the desperation signals,

 

"-always available.

-calling all the time

=immediately once getting the number,

=immediately returning a call

-always giving attention.

-NEVER willing to walk away-(NEVER willing to disagree, ALWAYS supplicating etc)

-taking every opportunity to talk to them

=telling them everything about yourself right away "

 

The moment you give off these vibes and chase her you become unattractive, even one time can be enough to turn her off (like i learnt recently). I think you went wrong on the first date. ON a first date always let them speak and never reveal much about yourself. Reveal yourself slowly, almost like a prize. Then leave it at that and let her call you or call her after a few days (when you feel she is really nervous about ahy you haven't called). Its a bit cruel but it should help the two of you.

 

So far your on the right track. Good luck

[psycho_Jr]

During the date i didnt talk a lot but i revealed too much about myself.That made my price lower of course.Thanks for giving info about the desperation signals.By being sensitive and honest i have met lots of people(both boys and girls) and have become friends with them,but somehow i always felt alone.I think the reason why i felt alone up to this time is because of the fact that i didnt have a girlfriend who will love me like i do.The world of dating is really a cruel world.At least now i know why i couldnt get dates.This forum is really the best community i have ever seen up:

All of you are great people

[Ash]

Well, in my estimation, if can be a very fine line. On the one hand, you do have to be careful like the others say about how much you say, do and react. On the other hand of course, you don't want to project a false impression of how you really are. Granted, many women perhaps would not like the approach that has been described as 'needy' in this thread.

 

One very important thing though, that lies at the root in a lot of what happens in relationships is that women like to feel they are in charge of their own lives. You have to allow and assist in that happening. This does not mean you can't be somewhat needy, but it does mean you have to allow them a good degree of freedom to act as they desire, and appearing to crowd them a bit before you know them very well can be counter productive.

 

Certainly though, one thing that generally tends to work very well after an initial meeting as a short, quick message in some fashion or another that lets them know you enjoyed yourself. Be complimentary, and thank them. But don't pursue the next meeting for a while. Give it a while.

 

Nothing wrong with being sensitive, but if you are that way, one thing that will really help is to understand as much as you can about what women want, need and expect (and good luck figuring that out some times!!)

 

Good luck

[bzborow1]

I think i'm echoing a previous poster here, but MUST be able to walk away from this person. An example, if you have two dates set up, and on the first one she is being rude, not up to your standards, etc...you would easily be willing to move on because you know you've got something else lined up.

 

Now of course the best way to get the "attitude" is to actually have the other date, but it gives you a better picture. You also need to convey to women that you have standards as well. Women ALWAYS try and test you by explaining there standards to you to see how you react. It doesn't "really" matter....why? Because she's out with you right now, but it's more of a test to see if you'll give up. Of course you can flip this on its head by communicating to her that you have standards...you can even get away with saying, providing its done in a humorous tone, AND IN THE PROPER CONTEXT things like:

 

"I'm not on this date just to be intimate with you, I'm on this date to have fun and get to know what you were like"

 

It communicates that she needs to pass your test of compatability...and that her mini skit will only get her so far with you.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey

 

First up I'd like to make a point. I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with being a needy or sensitive person. Some girls and I know a lot of them WANT to feel loved and needed, infact almost everyone does. I do realise that sometimes it might be too much but it really usually isn't unless u call this person up like more than well put it this way, unless u talk to that person more than say 3-4 hours a day.

 

I don't know about needy but truly sensitive guys are harder to find, just remember a woman is attracted to a man because of his strength but loves him because of his weaknesses. If girls ain't willing to give you a go just because they think you seem a "lil needy" then they're not worth it.

 

I reckon that's a whole excuse coz if they really wanted to know you better, don't you think they'd give you a second chance, can you really know someone in like 2 hours? Don't cut yourself down and there is NO NEED to change yourself, you are who you are, be happy with that or you're never be truly happy with yourself, especially it you become someone you're not or meant to be.

 

Whatever happens I do agree with one thing. Don't push it, if she doesn't call back or reply let it be. She can be busy or caught up in something like a big exam the next day or something important you're unaware about. Or she could've been playing some hard to get (which really isn't worth it). So yea caring people usually are understanding and sensitive people usually are caring so try and show yourself a bit more in the right direction?

 

It's really nice of you, giving all your heart but do realise that you're gonna get burnt again and again - I know how that feels, just be prepared, this won't be the first time.

 

Hope that helped.

Happy Heb

 

PS: Kel, if you're following this still - CONGRATS on ur veteran status!