Im at a loss...

[Ms. T1607306449]

Ive havent been married a year, and Im already having intimacy problems with my husband. It worries me, especially because I feel that if Im already having these problems, god knows how it will be later on in our marriage. I think what I fear the most are his fantasies. Im constantly finding porn videos and pictures on our computer. I dont think it would bother me so much if he was paying more attention to me. I fear that he prefers the fantasies over the reality. He told me he only looks at it when Im not around. But when I AM around, he never even hints at the idea of fooling around. He tells me that its unattracive that I want "it" all the time, and to wait until he comes to me, but it just never happens. I dont know what to do. Am I just being selfish, or what?

[Quill]

Are you being selfish or what? Let's see..... your husband prefers to get off on videos and pc porn rather than with real life you, his wife, then has the nerve to demean you by saying it is YOU who is the unattractive one because you want REAL intimacy with HIM... oh yes, and then lays on another layer of self centredness by saying you must wait until the mood (ie bored with the porn) suits him to come to you. No darlin', you most definitely are not the self centered one in this scenario.

 

He's trying to minimise his actions by turning things around onto you with his words.... as if you are the one with the problem. It's manipulation. Don't let him get away with it. Tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable... to you and to your marriage, it WILL pay the price. Tell him what changes you want and stick to them.

 

Good luck

[sisterlynch]

This is what I said to my husband to make him pay attention to how I felt about porn...

 

We live in a small town near a college town and a larger city. I said that the pictures on the internet open up a whole other world that until a few years ago was unavailable to men. In the two towns that we frequent, he is not seeing them with their clothes off, he is only seeing their faces.

 

The internet porn sights open up the doors of women all around the world to his eyes. So in addition to walking around having college age girls staring at him, I have to have him looking at women their age with their clothes taken off....this is inappropriate.

 

This is the reason that many relationships don't last very long now a days, the internet makes things just too available. If you are having other problems, then the long hours working and the many hours looking at websights just compound the problems of talking to your husband and that really hurts.

[Head Trip]

I'm ont trying to step on any toe's, I agree in part with most of what has been said. I just want to point out that if you go to your husband demanding with ultimatems, your not going to get to far. He will get denfensive, and you won't get any where.

There is a reason he's looking at porn. Who knows what it is, but for what ever reason he likes it. How ever, it is extreamly odd that he is chosing this over actual intimace with his wife. There is a reason for this, and this is what you need to find out. I don't know how open you 2 are about your sexual fantasies but there is a possibility that he may not be comfortable telling you what these reason's are. Truth be told, in some compacity or another all men have at the verry least observed pornography if not activly view it. So again that is not odd at all, and to push to a point where you are demanding that this activity stop may very well push that man to hidding this fact, and that is even worse. Although I am no psychologist I would suspect that your husband has some sexual interest that he has not shared with you. I would seek out what this interest is and see if it is something the 2 of you could share. If not there may be some way to compromise and reach a level where you can both be comfotable.

 

Best of luck with the situation