Finding "the one"

[Scooter]

Hi everyone.

 

I'm sure someone may have asked this question on this forum and I hope I have posted this in the right place, but I thought I would ask anyway.

 

My question is simply this, how do you know when you have met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Do you just instintively know in your heart and mind? What if you have any doubts, even if they are minor or trivial? Is it ok for things to be 90% ok or does it have to be 150%

[raggamuffin]

Well if you intend to get married to someone the little trivial things can often become HUGE and not so trivial so it is best if you are 100% sure that you cant live without this person. I guess one way of finding out if you can live with that person is to live with them before you get married, but this is not an option i dont know what to do. Also be sure that you can grow with the person and remember that the relationship will invevitably change over time and it wont be the same and that you are going to be ok with that. I had thought I had found my "one" but i always had little niggles about it and it turned out a year and a half later he broke up with me after a toatl of 3 years. It makes it easier knowing that i was alwyas uncertain about it.

[enchanter]

Im young, one of those people hoping there is such thing as the one. I have read a lot of articles and a statement said in many is that that it is ok to be 90% sure. There will always be a doubt somewhere along the line because we have put such pressure on love and what it is now. Im sure there are a many relationships that going through many months with each person being sur ethe other is the one. It takes a lot of time to realize that overtime things change a person might as well.

 

I think if there is a one, it will be a person who you are with a long time who fails to truly hurt you.

 

With so many people in the world and so many places you may never go, of course the idea that there could be another out there will cross your mind.

[raggamuffin]

I wanted to add something about finding "the one" I dont believe in "the one" as such but rather "the ones" this experience has come to me though being in a relationship where I thought the person was "the one" but infact wasnt. So thats what i believe I believe that you can share your life down to every little intimate detail with more than one person (at different times of course) and none of them is any less worthy than another. Surely with all of the people in the world there cant just be one person for each of us. What do you guys think about that?

[pchellak]

I dont believe in the concept of 'The One' either. It kindof sounds like the matrix movie where Neo is 'The One' and saves everyone from evil. But i think it is good to believe in the one; Believing in 'the one' can sometimes help one to be monogamous and be happy with the current BF/GF

[Scooter]

The reason I asked the question was because I was with someone who had there faults and failings and it bothered me because as raggamuffin put it, I'm sure these small faults would have become bigger problems. I appreciate that no-one is perfect but do you simply have to accept these differences? There was just something in the back of my mind that didn't quite click into place. If there any reservations at all is that a sign that this person isn't for you? Is it true that when you know you know? Some of my doubts seem quite trivial and often wonder if I was too picky and that I'll never find the right person for me. Or was it that I just haven't found the right person yet?

[raggamuffin]

May I ask how old you are?? Well if you think that you reallly really really want to be with the person for the rest of your life and it is really really love the trivial issues wouldnt matter. However if your not sure if the person is for you thats different to having issues. At times i was uncertain if the guy i was with was the right one for me and there were always things i wish he would do or be like but i knew he wouldnt change so thats how i sort of knew i wanted some qualitites that he didnt have.

[Scooter]

I'm 31. My problem I think is I fall in love easily so sometimes I find it difficult to see if a relationship is unhealthy. Looking back there were many occasions where I had my doubts and I realise now these were perhaps warning signs. But we did get on really well most of the time and it's these little things, although they used to bug me, that seemed to hold me back. I often wonder if I have made a huge mistake and should have accepted her for who she was. But sometimes I think why should I settle for second best? It is all very confusing. That's why I thought I'd ask that when you have met the right person do you just know it is right?

[raggamuffin]

I wish i could answer that. I want to know if you just know aswell. I dont see how you can though because it is human nature to be doubting a good thing. Maybe you do just know i mean people say that dont there but there are a hll of alot of divorses these days so they cant alwyas be right can they. Im sure it will come to you it will probably just click. But be aware that small annoying habits can find away to be big big big things that you cannot stand.