For Laura

[Velkeria]

I am writing this here because I have to stop telling you things.

I have to stop putting myself through the grief of losing you.

I have to let you go for me, and for you.

 

I have physically suffered, and emotionally been to places that I can not stay. I am hurting, and that is very normal. some of my reactions have not been normal, and I sincerely apologize. I do not want you to ever feel afraid, one of the things i treasured was the thought that you felt very safe and secure in my arms.

 

I will always hold a great love for you, because of what we had... the good times, the fun, the best friends, etc... but that is gone now because of your decision. I have to accept that and move on with my life. I write to you every night in a journal, maybe some day I will no longer feel the need to do so, but for now, it helps me.

 

I still think about you all of the time, and I know as I let go, that those

thoughts will fade away gradually. but I will never forget.

 

I do love you. you know that, i have been open, honest and loving to you and your family. But I can not keep holding on to you.

 

the things you are doing and have done are things that you are searching

for externally... but you are looking in the wrong place. the thing you search for is internal, it is inside you waiting to get out and wanting so badly to get out. I know you felt very alive with me.. I know there are questions and issues with kids and stuff, but when you search for relationship advice on the internet about what a good long lasting fulfulling relationship contains, it described the way i felt and what i thought about what we had. It obvioulsy wasn't the way you are/were feeling about our relationship or this wouldnt be happening.

 

I have to let you go, so i can be healthy. It doesn't mean that I don't think

about you or have stopped loving you, it means that I know I have to do this for myself and for you.

 

I do love you, I do miss you. My love for you is true.

I am letting you go, I do not want to, I have to..

I have to for you, because I want you to be happy and if you are not happy in a relationship with me, i have to let you go so you can be.

I have to let you go for me, so i can find happiness and someone who loves me for who i am and what i stand for.

i have to let you go so you can find yourself, and maybe someday find your way back to me. I just hope that the "someday" is before I have completely lost the special love for you and the things I have held so dearly about us.

 

I have to keep telling myself to let go, this has not been and is not easy for me, you know that. But I have to keep telling myself to let you go for you and for me and someday it will happen. Someday I will be me again.

 

I just had to get this out....

I am trying so hard not to call her, not to visit her, not to plead and beg, anymore.

I have to let go, this is so hard !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Someone help me !

[amilasiu]

With all due respect to the broken-hearted, the irony about such streams of consciousness is that you will read it a year after and you will not even remember the girl's you wrote to face. Feelings are so short-term. Human's are inherently optimists, who would survive moping all his life?

 

So although it hurts like hell now, look at this emotional train-crash as some unpleasant cold. You just have to take care of yourself and wait until it passes.

[avman]

I completely disagree. Its important to face the feelings that you have and deal with it whatever way works best. I think what Velkeria has done is a really good thing. Even if you don't send that to her. Just getting it all out is important.

 

Feelings are NOT always short term. Many times there is always a little piece of it left that you carry around. Hopefully it is a good piece of how you used to feel with that person. Sometimes its a nagging hurt that you never completely got rid of. And that can dig at you for a long, long time.

 

Writing it out and letting go is a great thing. So keep doing it Velkeria!

 

avman