How to overcome jealousy?

[ashleynicole]

Hey everyone. I need someone to give me some advice and some ways to get over jealousy. Because it is destroying my relationship and I know that but I can't seem to get past it.

 

My boyfriend kissed another girl about four days into our relationship, I have moved way past that but It is hard to trust him.

 

There is a certain girl in particualar who goes to the gym he goes to, and I do not like her. She is known to be a s***. She tried to hook up with my boyfriend. I asked my boyfriend to sTOP all communication with her and he told me that he has. It is hard to believe but Im working on it. Sad thing it I get upset anytime we see her or anytime her name is said. I don't even like the fact that he may have the occasional conversation with her. Just the fact that he is around her at times bugs me to death. I think I am only feel this way because of her reputation and the fact that she knows who I am and she knows that I am his girlfriend.

 

I have a huge problem and I want to believe him and move past this becauase in my heart I know he isn't do anything. Should I get upset over the occasional hi or whatnot? I can't change them being around eachother. They are on a body building team together.

 

So how can I overcome this possessive jealousy......

[Chillyfrog]

Hey Ashley,

 

Ummm hmm....lol.,...this is not jealous! He kissed this chick behind your back! If he loves you tell him to go to another gym to bodybuild! Im seriuos dont be dragged along your not the jealous one he is the one who did the wrong...If you cant trust him it will never work trust me!

[The Morrigan]

First, accept that this really isn't about this girl in particular - it's about how much faith you have in his words that he's not interested in anyone else, and has no intentions of following her up on her invitations. You're never going to be able to control who he's exposed to - and as many people will verify - there's one like that almost everywhere, in the office, in clubs, associations, schools, who make a point of trying to use their body and sex as power over guys. Ask yourself what type of woman is he generally attracted to? Would a woman with a reputation like this really appeal to him? Has he seemed willing to try to reassure you? Is there anything except for unavoidable civil contact with this girl that would make you suspect he's be interested in her? If he seems like he's going out of his way to put you first - at some point other women's intentions are secondary, because it's HIS intentions you have to have faith in and trust. I'm sure you've had plenty of guys hit on you in different places - and there's plenty who don't have the couth to cease and desist because you're taken. Just because they pursue doesn't mean you've taken them up on their offers, and it's a two way street. I'm sure he doesn't really appreciate them hitting on you either - but he has to trust you to handle it. Try not to let jealousy eat at you to the point you know you're being unreasonable - find some thoughts to combat it whenever it rears it's ugly head. If you think he's acting in other ways that ring alarms that your fears aren't unfounded, it might be time to have a talk with him about why you're having trouble trusting him.

[Gi01]

It can't be said enough. I have experienced something similiar (gf kissed another guy early on but just revealed this to me) and am actually resolving the same kind of jealousy issues in myself right now. I'm no expert, but I can say you have to be your own favorite person first and love yourself more than you love your partner. Only then will you feel secure with yourself and be free of feeling jealous. Loving yourself helps build up your own confidence, making you inpenetrable to immature behavior by other people. You won't have to depend on getting validation from your bf because you will know yourself that you are worth having no matter what he thinks, says or does. Moreover, being your own favorite person will attract him (and others) more. Its really true what they say, "how you see yourself is how others see you". Once you are happiest with yourself and are your own favorite person, others will too be happy with you and want to follow and be around you because thats the kind of energy you will radiate. Think of it in terms of a smile. When you see someone smile (old, young, pretty or ugly), you naturally want to smile back. Good luck and SMILE !!