what should i do about friend's father not knowing about me

[abcjmt]

My friend told one day that she did not tell her father about me. The reasons for this was that her father did not allow her to have friends that are male, and/or certain ethnicity. She said that the last time that she had a friend that was male and told him about that he would not let her out for a long time. She has kept me a secret from her father so he would not get outraged

It this right? Should we continue to deceive her father like this? I don't kow what to do

thanks

[QTpie87]

i think thats dumb! i think that if you two want to be friendst then you should. he needs to get a life, because even if he did keep her at home away from everyone he can't stop her from doing everything forever, and she could see whoever she wanted at school and someday she will be all grown up and he really wont be able to choose who she hangs out with.

it is non of his business who she is friends with, so i say stay friends and don't worry about it.

[Drusilla]

Hi abcjmt.

 

I think the problem here belongs with your friend and her relationship with her father rather than with you. It really has to be up to your friend to decide whether she lets him know. If he has a problem with you because of you sex and/or race that's really his problem.

If you two are 'just friends' why should he have to know about you? If she's not outwardly lying to her father and just hasn't happened to mention her friendship with you, then what's the problem? My parents don't know about all my friends - not because I'm hiding anything from them, rather than it just hasn't been an issue to tell them, and ok I probably wouldn't tell them about all my friends, particularly the more dodgy ones.

If you are more than 'just friends', however, it will probably be more difficult to avoid him catching on - but again that is your friend's issue.

I'm sorry he doesn't like you for what ever reason that may be. I would just make sure you personally don't deliberately lie to him and if you feel uncomfortable if your friend is lying to her father about you, talk to her about it and explain how it makes you feel. Just remember that ultimately deception of any kind generally does catch up with you and it may be far worse for her to lie to her father than just admitting the truth.

I'm sorry, this probably doesn't help much.

Hope it all works out for you.

Dru.

[tiger_lilies]

I have a similar situation with my mom. I'm female and growing up with my mom who is a single parent was extremely difficult due to the mistrust that my mom had in men in general.

 

She would not allow me to speak to guys over the phone throughout my entire high school days and would even listen in on my phone conversations whenever someone called.

 

Mind you, my mother is extremely religious and hanging out with just guy friends was always a struggle because she always thought something was going on. But somehow I managed to get through all the suspision and even had a couple of boyfriends without her knowledge. Basically I ignored my mother's poor attitude towards men and lived my own life.

 

Your friend's father is just trying to protect her, I'm sure of it. She will probably never be able to convince her father otherwise except with time as she gets older. She won't be able to change his opinion, the best she can do is to prove to him slowly that she can make her own decisions on who she wants to call a friend. He will eventually accept it (hopefully!).

 

Hope I helped!

[abcjmt]

Thanks for all your advice

I ask her about it and she said that yes her father has ask her about her fiends but it was befor we were friends and i know if he ever ask pacificly about me she would tell him.

tanks again