Will this ever end?

[Charlee]

I posted about 6 weeks ago, stating how I had told my ex that he must stop contacting me so I could heal. We had lived together for 5 years, and have now been apart 7 months after he suddenly up and walked out on me. For the first 6 months he kept contacting me (see previous post by me for history).

 

Well it's been 6 weeks now as just stated without any contact at all. God it still hurts like hell. I still think of him constantly. Sometimes I am having angry thoughts - stuff I would like to say to hurt him. Other times it's thoughts of what he is doing and how much he is enjoying is life; is he thinking of me still, does he still love and miss me. Most of the time I hope today will be the day he returns. I have these fantasies of him coming back, what he would say/do etc.

 

It's tying me up in knots.

 

Do others experience this also or I am nuts?

 

I am trying my best to move on with my life and accept it is over. I go out and socialise lots, always bright, bubbly and happy with my friends and told I am the life of the party - but I am crippled inside. I come home at the end of a night out and crawl into my empty bed, wishing he was there. I wake every morning and think of him as I climb out of bed.

 

I have learnt to adjust to being single to a certain degree and try to make the most of this situation, but I feel I am living groundhog day - every day just hoping he will come back, but knowing he won't.

 

Will this ever end?

[HollyBells]

I guess its not a good answer, but...

 

with TIME it will pass, as all things do...

[Cid]

Yes like hollybells said time will heal all wounds.

[BlondeBoy]

You are not crazy for doing all that thinking and worrying. It is completely natural...especially after four years! Anyone who says that they don't feel like that either lies or has no heart. Loneliness is a major part of losing a soulmate, it makes you human...but it doesn't mean that the person you miss is the right one.

 

Ask yourself, do you really want this person back..if it doesn't work out again, you are just setting yourself up for more of the same and missing out on the opportunity to meet that special person. There are good reasons for people breaking up and chances are they will still be there if you did reunite.

 

Just use this time to get yourself back together and enjoy having no ties. A happy, confident person is much more attractive..and that is what you will be in time. It is true that time heals. But more importantly, you can heal yourself and you will feel so much better soon.

 

Moving on can be hard to do and doesn't necessarily have to involve other people.

 

Also you need a clean break to be fair on yourself. Otherwise this will just keep messing you up and life's too short for all that!

 

Sorry for the long post, but I split from my gf of 5yrs about three months ago so I know where you are coming from...and yes he probably thinks of you lots too. ..but it doesn't mean that having him back is going to be the best thing for the both of you.

[Charlee]

Well since I last posted, there still has been no contact, making it easier each day to get through, dealing better with my emotions, healing slowly....until last night.

 

About 4 weeks ago now I was on the receiving end of a hiding - the details are not important or relevant. I was just climbing into bed last night and my cell phone rang - it was quite late.

 

It was him. He said a little bird had told him I had been beaten up and was it true, was I alright. I told him I was fine, but was actually shaking at the sound of his voice. He said the last thing he wanted to do was upset me, knowing that this phone call would do just that, but he said he still cared for me and wanted to 'sort this mess out' for me, in other words go beat the s**t out of this person who beat me.

 

Stupidly I allowed myself to be drawn into a conversation. The call went for about 3 hours, during which I became very emotional, talked to him about my feelings, heard him say yet again that he missed me, cared for me still, but would never be back. Said he was moving on with his life the best he could and yes - he still thinks about me. Said he misses the comfortability and security of our relationship. At the end of the call he reiterated how I can call him to talk anytime of the day or night, and that he will leave me to contact him next.

 

So you can all imagine the state of me today - all the raw emotions dragged up again. I got no sleep last night, my head hurts, my stomach is churning.

 

I should have hung up after recognising his voice, but I am still so hung up on the guy I just couldn't.

 

To make matters worse this morning I sent him a long email detailing again my emotions and how I feel about him. Looking back this will serve no purpose at all, except maybe him feeling guilty. It's not like the guy is going to have a change of heart and come racing back.

 

I wish this nightmare was over. I had actually got to the point where I figured xmas day without him was not going to be that hard. Now he is running through my head fullsteam again, instead of a few times each day.

 

Please others, be stronger than me. If your ex calls and you still have feelings, end the call immediately. No contact does work for healing.

[Charlee]

.....and it gets better. Last night he turns up at my place. The kids let him in, he came up behind me and said 'hi, give me a hug.'

 

Stayed for an hour during which we chatted about generic stuff. He laughed and joked with the kids, told me about what he has been doing of late. Then he hugged me and left. Asked me to call him anytime, but no - he is not coming back! That he has moved on as best he can, he does miss the comfortability of the relationship, and that I need to move on also and get over him.

 

*sigh*

 

Here we go again. He will leave it a week or so, then when I haven't rang him, he will initiate contact.

 

Why can't he just leave me be if he is so sure he isn't coming back?

[neallo82288]

Don't talk about getting back together. just try to keep things light and cherry. let him call you. if he brings up reconciliation then let him be the one to go down that road. DON'T LET HIM SEE YOU DISTRAUGHT. In his presense act like you have gotten over the relationship. When he calls tell him you were on your way out to meet friends. Make him miss you. READ THE MORRIGANS DO'S AND DON'T'S OF GETTING BACK YOUR EX. The answers are right theere. If you're all mushy when he comes around and all you can talk about is getting back together then he will close down and staay firm to Not coming back. Let him think that he is missing out on the best woman in the world.

 

good luck and best wishes

 

Do make him feel pressured let him come to you at his pace!

[Charlee]

Wow, here I am back again. The pain did end after a few years, took a long time with him contacting me randomly over that time.

 

Between then and the beginning of this year I pretty much stayed single, couple of very short term things but nothing serious as I have had so many walls and barriers up. Then I met someone and we had some fun and built up to where we saw each other every day for the past 8 months. Finally I let the barriers down and took him into my heart. Was a bit of a struggle and I was scared but figured he was a keeper.

 

Last night he told me he doesn't have the same feelings for me as I do for him - there is no spark. Now I know there was a spark but about 2 weeks ago he changed. He stopped being affectionate as in hugging and kissing, but still saw me most days. He told me he loves being with me as I am good company, we bounce well off each other (we have not argued since we got together) and thinks I am a good friend. He asked if we could remain friends and catch up at times. I said no. He left.

 

I am gutted. How can this happen to me again? Hardly any sleep last night and today I have had fits of crying at work and ended up leaving an hour early. I have gone right back to 2003 when I first posted here.

 

I would like to share this I found on line a few weeks ago for a friend who was hurting. Now it's perfect for me:

 

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own any more. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”