Agh! went out with her and she puts the moves on me!

[Johnny_has]

Well this wouldn't be a problem at all, if I was attracted to the girl. First some background info for those of you that are not in the know. I'll keep it brief as possible.

 

Girl at work asks me out, but at I'm not physically attracted to her at all(she's short and "plump", don't mean to sound nasty here) but I thought I'll give her a chance, thought I'm not that shallow. So we arrange to go ten pin bowling with 4 other friends. 2 other chicks and 2 other guys. Anyway during the evening while where sitting down waiting for our turn to bowl, she grabs my hand and holds it. Then leans on my shoulder.

 

Needless to say I was embarrassed because I didn't find her very "easy on the eyes". I think I was being too friendly during the evening and she got the wrong idea. What should I do??? I can't imagine ever getting intimate with this person. But overall she is a nice girl and I like her personality, we had fun other when she got a bit physical. At the end of the evening she said she had a blast and we should do something again soon. I'm just like "yeah whatever".

 

Agghh what should I do though. She is fun and we did click I guess you could say, but if we were to go out, I don't think I could ever get intimate with her because she's not all that attractive too me. Do looks grow on you after a while or what? Should I just settle with what I can get?

 

I've asked out girls I found good looking but so far have had NO luck with them at all. Girls that like me, I don't find attractive, Girls that I like, don't find me attractive. BRUTAL cycle isn't it. Aggh! Any ideas on what I should do? Should I lower my standards or what?

 

Thank you soooooo much.

[Cid]

Just say to her that you whant to be friends and keep your word that you will be friends. Do things with her as friends and you might to start to find her attrative. Who knows. But I would disagree on lowering your standers. You are a better man then most of the us out there most guys would not even go on the date with her. You get 10 points But dont play her or you will louse 20 points.

[buffalosoldier]

No,you shouldnt lower your standards,no matter how bad you feel for not finding this girl attractive.-Its another vicious circle,and before you no it you will keep on lowering your standards thinking that this is the best you can do,and then you will end up very unhappy.

 

I dont want to sound pessimistic,but maybe shes not the girl for you afterall.Im not trying to say dont get with her just coz of the way she looks,but it goes deeper than that.-You have to have some sort of sexual attraction to her,otherwise it can be no more than a friendship.Its logic.

 

Its not your fault that you dont find her attractive,dont feel bad,and dont take pity because of this.You could make a lovely friend out of this girl instead which has lots of benefits.Not everyone is together with someone that the whole world is drooling over,but most people are with somebody that THEY find attractive and lust for.Dont just assume that because you get along with her that you should necessairly get with her.My feeling is that you are doubting this situation anyway as you have come on here asking about it.

 

You could give it a chance,and see if she does grow on you,but i would let her know that you want to get to know her a little more before anything else happens,so that you are not making false promises and leading her on.

 

Good luck!!!

[real amour]

Hello Johnny as. Do not continue to flirt or be cozy with this girl. Keep your distance or she will think you are interested. Trust me, girls have wilder imaginations and minds than you think (they just don't show it sometimes, and sometimes they do, the bold ones).

 

I totally understand that cycle thing. I am 36 now and I had that my whole life. I had flings or short term dating where either they were very attracted to me or I to them and not vice versa (or they were not ready, repressed, whatever). Finally I went with someone who I found so so on looks but who loved me so and was so good to me.

 

I was 29 and this is a major age for a woman who is looking at procreation (we all are). I tried to break it off after 2 months for this reason but he didn't want to hear my side really, then when we went long distance I thought of taking a break again, but then I was getting old and he was talking a house, etc. I panicked, left my job and moved 200 km away and we started a life: house, kids, wedding, etc.

 

I met this one guy just before I did this who really attracted me (we met just a few times on business, but I sensed he had been interested), but I thought no, the other one loves me more and did not think those feelings were threatening. Well, 7 years later, I cringe that I did nothing about the other guy because the physical thing is still not there. I have tried everything: hair color, various positions, situations, etc. Arousal is just not coming. I see a split as inevitable although in the long term. I am majorly sexually frustrated. Men don't usually stand for this, do you think?

 

You don't pick who you are attracted to. It picks you. Wait is what I say because that is what I should have done, but didn't. See where it gets you? Sexual attraction is very, very important because once the party is over, you are left with just each other and that is a glue that seals a relationship. Good luck.

[Aura Seeker]

I just know this is going to come out sounding harsh, but really it sounds as though she is lowering her standards. First off, you should have never asked her out if you had no intentions. You just set her up for rejection. Mean. Second, you keep slamming her looks when it sounds like you aint all that either (you said you keep getting rejected, not a nice feeling hey?)

 

It is just my opinion, and nothing personal, maybe just something to think about. Sometimes we let good things go for the wrong shallow reasons, or hurt other people to serve our on purposes.

 

Pity dates are not nice. I wouldn't suggest doing it again.

 

JMO

 

A

[Hero_99]

There are two reasons why you should not date this girl.

 

1. She is not attractive to you or others

 

2. The fact that she is not attractive will not make other girls jealous enough to find you more attractive

 

One thing you should remember though is not to treat her like crap, ever. When you see her treat her with respect and be friendly, but do not lead her on. Other more attractive girls will see this and realize that you are someone they could possibly date, and THAT is the only good thing you can possibly get out of any sort of a relationship with her.

[dfcannon]

Don't worry that some ppl are calling you mean for asking her out. It's not mean to give her a shot, as you did. You clearly have good intentions and are trying to do the right thing. Also, keep in perspective that one of the big negatives she has going for her is her weight. This is something she could control (unless she has a rare disorder), but she chooses not to. Well, you are not one of the small minority of men who is attracted to overweight women. That's her problem to deal with, and you should not feel guilty that her choice is pre-selecting a very small number of available men. Now, I suspect that if a girl came along with a so-so or even unattractive face, but a great personality and a nice body (because she takes care of it), she'd be in with you. There are plenty of good girls out there like that, and they'd be lucky to have a guy like you who looks beyond appearance. So hold out and don't settle for this one.

[Johnny_has]

Thanks alot for your help folks, I'll think I'll just keep her as a friend and not date her for now, you guys have helped me alot with this issue.

 

Aura Seeker if you bothered to actually read my post properly you'd see that I DIDN'T ask her out, SHE ASKED ME out.

 

Once again thanks folks.