Baffled over his reactions and actions.

[miseki]

Hi, miseki and I'm new here but I've been reading many postings.

 

 

I've gotten to know a guy as a friend.

 

We did not have any trouble communicating what we thought and felt in the first 8 months of our relationship, it was just basic get-to-know-you. One day he admitted have more than friendly feelings for me. I replied with that I see that we can bring this relationship into the next stage, but I did still saw him as a friend I can open up to.

 

I believe he must have felt rejection, so he turned cold and said he started to feel that I was becoming clingy and attached to him like a girlfriend. I explained that I needed to communicate with him and the only way to do this was to ask him questions about his feelings. He said he felt uncomfortable.

 

Things got up to a boil and ended with us quarrelling and we broke it off, the friendship.

 

Recently, he sought me out to speak to me and told him he was confused about what he felt and wanted, that whether he loved me or he did not. He poured out his feelings, admitted he cared for me, and was sorry he hurt me. He asked for time to sort himself out, which I promised I'd give.

 

The next day, I thanked him for letting me know how he felt and I would like to communicate with him more. However, he did not respond as freely and was rather curt about it with his one-worded responses. He mentioned he felt uncomfortable with me talking about my feelings.

 

So, I am thoroughly baffled over this person and this one-way communication in this relationship - that I am not allowed to talk about my feelings to him and he can pour his out to me whenever he wants.

 

Friends, any suggestions on what is going on here?

[crinklecat]

Hi I just read your post.

 

What it sounds like to me is that this fella that is your friend is confused about if he wants to take this relationship to the next level.

 

It could be that he is analyzing the situation at one moment and feeling what is in his heart the next. Has he ever been in a relationship before?

 

My thought would be in reading your post is that he does value your friendship dearly. By taking it to the next step can be really scary. It's especially scary especially when it is a good friend that you are falling for. I think that he is scared partly because if the relationship doesnt work out he doesnt want to lose you as a friend (believe me it happens), but wants to get to know you in a more intimate level. I think that he has to sort out his mind and needs to decide whether he wants to take that step to either pursue the relationshiup or just cool down and try to remain friends.

 

I Was like him once. I wasnt sure but I decided to take the leap of faith. for me it was an experience where I learned great joy (I married him) and great sadness (he left me) nevertheless, it ended up with us not being friends anymore.

 

This is a decision that he really needs to make on his own. I would just do your own thing, even though its hard. Just remember that you can't put your life on hold waiting for someone elses decision. If he decides to give it a try he will come back to you.

 

Good luck!

[miseki]

Dear crinklecat

 

I read through your post and it makes sense what I believe he is going through. I still doubted though if he actually puts thought to what I actually said to him and he chose to ignore it or carried out selective hearing.

 

He had been in a relationship before. From what he tells me, his side of the story, the girl was clingy and dependent and a crybaby.

 

I'm glad you had gained experience from that similar relationship you have been through. Do take care still.

 

And, yea, I am leaving him to make this decision on his own and go ahead with my own plans.

 

Thanks for sharing, crinklecat