bobsiesprincess Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 so my boyfriend of 2 years has split up with me. he is my first real love and the love of my life. the reasons were he needs space, doesnt feel happy, doesnt know where his life is going etc. hes my best friend and i put everything into our relationship and gave him my whole heart. im completely devastated, i have cried every day for 3 n a half weeks now. im so alone and have no-one to talk to. i miss him so much it physically hurts me. all i want is to have him back and i dont know how to change his mind. i cnt concentrate on anything, anytime i go out i end up in tears everything reminds me of him. i dont feel like im ever going to be happy again cos i know what im missing. i dont know what to do Link to comment
The Old B Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Hi, You know you are going to have to do exactly what is going to hurt you the most right now....to leave him alone and give him that space! I am going through what you are right now. I am actually on this site to find the encouragement to keep the "no contact" thing going. The last time I made an effort to contact her was the 7th of last month. It's not easy but inside you will feel it's the right thing to do. NOT for him but for yourself. You will see that after awhile your confidence will rise up again and that you will see the value that you posses. Don't fret but if he is asking for "space" (the same thing the girl I was with did) by all means give it to them. You right now want what you can't have and you feel he is moving on. Well you need to do the same thing and he will then and only then be able to make a clear headed decision as to what he may or may not want with you. He CAN NOT make that decision with you at his door step everyday. Make him miss you....you are worth it, and he will only see that worth if you show him by your example that you are. Besides if he is not "happy" how would you be happy in the same relationship? And you know what may happen that you can not see right now? You may be on the other side of the fence. You may decide if and when he does make up his mind that you need to think if you want to be with him. Don't believe it's only one sided. Two people make up the relationship and your feelings and thoughts are just as important and they should be just as important to yourself as you think his are to you right now. Stay strong and you will see that it was all worth it and it won't matter if he comes back or not. Because, you will be so happy with yourself that other guys will see that and you will be even more attractive as a person. So, keep your head up and busy. Get out of the house and find new friends. I bet you have more friends than you think you do. If fact you have a lot here on this site. Also, one last thing...write out all your feeling into a journal and get them out of your head so that you can go on with your day. It will help a lot. Take care of yourself and be strong and determined. TOB Link to comment
Clabs Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Hey Bobsiesprincess and welcome to ENA. Listen to what TOB has to say - it is all very true. Do what he says and in the meantime keep yourself very very busy, try to go top the gym, keep fit, force yourself to go out and have some fun. If you do what TOB suggests - this will be the easiest way to get over your ex. I know it hurts and it sucks but you have to be selfish now - make time for you. Take care honey. Mark Link to comment
Clabs Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Hey TOB - and welcome here too. Fantastic post - gold star for the homework you have obviously put in on this subject! Take care of yourself - with an attitude like this, it won't be too long until you are back to your good old self! Mark Link to comment
bobsiesprincess Posted September 2, 2007 Author Share Posted September 2, 2007 Ive looked around this forum before I posted and finding it could be a great thing for me. Thanks for all your replies so far, especially u TOB. Its nice to know others have been here. Ive been trying so hard - ive not contacted him for 2 weeks and its killing me. i just want to hear his voice but i know itll make it worse for me. Ive been going to the gym everyday for the last couple of weeks and ive joined yoga and been concentrating on doing my drivers test, so i am trying hard to get on with my life. I still ament sleeping well and im so worried im goin 2 mess up uni this year because of all this and its my last and most important year. i had to give up my job cos im such a mess right now. I do have friends but no1 REALLY close and i feel theyre getting sick of me being depressed or they just dont understand. They are also all in relationships bar one. And two of my closer friends r moving to spain for a year within the next 2 weeks I just dont know what to do, i feel like my life is over. I'm never going to be able to trust again- i had major issues with trust anyway cos of things that have gone on in my life and i finally trusted him completely. Plus he hasnt done anything wrong so i cant even be angry at him. I just want more than anything for him to love me again life is crap Link to comment
distantlove Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 You'll no doubt read the same things over and over again though. "Time heals all wounds" is a good one, and its generally true. The no-contact thing stinks. It really does. I want to talk to my GF so badly it hurts. I don't want to cry, beg, or get into an emotional blackmail thing, I just want to talk and see how she's doing, how her mom is feeling, stuff like that. I genuinely care - even beyond our situation. Hopefully we'll get back on track, but right now I don't even want to try to break the NC thing, and it is hard. Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Hey bobsie - good to have you on ENA. It sounds like you know what you've got to do, you're just in that position that most of us have been in, right at the bottom of the mountain and looking up and wondering how you'll ever feel OK again (or even KNOWING that you never will, that's certainly how I felt). I was in the same position as you, my ex didn't treat me badly, I had no reason to be angry at her, she just no longer felt the same. I agree with you, that makes it harder. At the same time I had to toughen myself, do my best to put her out of my mind and be selfish - think of me, me, me. In other words take the initiative. Rather than being a victim, take the opportunity of my new freedom to look after myself and enjoy myself. I've found that to be the most therapeutic thing of all in this situation, to use the pain of the split as a spur to positive change in myself. That said, there's no escaping the agony of grief. It's appalling and I really feel for you, you're where I was a few months ago and it's horrendous. Know that it does end and you will be fine, just as you were before you met this guy. Somewhere, somehow, a few months down the line you'll look back and say, "did I really feel THAT bad"? And not be able to believe it. I'm not 100% over my ex 7 months on by any means...but I'm a lot, lot better. You will be too. Keep posting! Link to comment
bobsiesprincess Posted September 2, 2007 Author Share Posted September 2, 2007 aw thanks tom. everyones so nice and supportive on here. wish id found this forum 3 weeks ago! i need to try my best to move on. if its meant to be....it will. i cant force it. i dont know what the future is going to hold for me or him, but im sure this has happened for a reason, although its hard 2 see what right now. i really hope things work for me and him though. Link to comment
Fairy Queen Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 so my boyfriend of 2 years has split up with me. he is my first real love and the love of my life. the reasons were he needs space, doesnt feel happy, doesnt know where his life is going etc. hes my best friend and i put everything into our relationship and gave him my whole heart. im completely devastated, i have cried every day for 3 n a half weeks now. im so alone and have no-one to talk to. i miss him so much it physically hurts me. all i want is to have him back and i dont know how to change his mind. i cnt concentrate on anything, anytime i go out i end up in tears everything reminds me of him. i dont feel like im ever going to be happy again cos i know what im missing. i dont know what to do I'm going through the exact same thing at the moment, almost word for word! I'm sorry to say that I'm a complete mess at the moment and don't know what to do either but I just hope it gives you some comfort to know that you're not the only person going through all of this, and if you need to talk to someone about it, I'm here. I definitely understand! Keep your chin up Link to comment
bobsiesprincess Posted September 3, 2007 Author Share Posted September 3, 2007 its so hard, i have no escape from it. its constantly in my mind cos something always reminds me. when i got to sleep i dream about him cos hes obv the last ting i think about. then wen i wake upreality hits again- thats the worst part. id give anything to turn back time and be with him again. Link to comment
Clabs Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 Oh hun - I know how you feel - it is like they are imprinted on our brain forever. All I can tell you is that it will get easier - the dreams will stop and you will begin to feel a bit better - but you have to give it some time. Try to keep yourself really really busy - keep fit, go for a run, lean on your friends and family for support and come back on here - lots of good free advice here! Mark Link to comment
schueysgirl Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 Hi princess, I know all about how you feel your life is over. Not only have you lost your love and your best friend, but other things around you are changing and unstable...I was in exactly the same situation and still very much am in a way now... When my boyfriend of 4 years finished with me this may, i had just fnished uni, literally just done my final exams. I had no idea what i was doing with myself and was completely lost. To make matters worse all my friends were either away at uni themselves or the 3 i have here (who are my age at 22) are all married, living together, having babies etc. So i literally felt like i had no one. Sure my friends were on the end of the phone and i saw the married ones like once a week, but i was completely lost... All i can tell you is, the best thing to do is give yourself the time to cry and then pick a time when you are going to stop and then stop on this day. It kinda draws a psychological line underneath it all. Sure you'll still feell awful and shed a few tears but dont sob uncontrollably anymore...you have to draw a line as to when you really begin to move on... Second distract yourself...which it seems you are doing a good job of already There must be new clubs and interest societies at your uni?? and tons of new people around...so can you explore this further as you feel that your best friends are moving and the others are all hooked up? Uni is honestly the best place to meet new people because there are SOOO many people around! Thirdly, the no contact is a must and you are doing great on this. Yes it is hard but it works. It is my ex now who texts me, with random texts about how hes seen me out and liked my coat (lol) and how he has dreamed about me etc all kinds of funny things...he is now also offering to buy me things from his trip to italy (of which i was supposed to go with him! the CHEEK!)!! I dont believe he wants me back because i know him and if he did he would just say...but still the satisfaction of knowing he is curious about me and what im doing, wanting to make this contact, and perhaps an effort at friendship is very very satisfying to me because i have the control and i am not chasing him which thereforeeee equals i dont need him anymore... Sure i havent moved on fully (4 years is a looooong time) but i have realised i can function on my own and it isnt a bad thing at all being single....i have also done more things in the last 4 months than i did with him in the last 2 years!! I know it is so SO hard and sometimes u think it will never ever end. But it does. I tell you, i was a state when i came here, i was convinced my life was over and i had no one else. But you get by, because you HAVE to. And things happen when you least expect it, people appear when you least expect them too... I met one amazing new incredible friend in july this year and we are so close already but sadly she is now going away to uni and also the same for my other good friend who starts uni....and my other friends who go back to uni...so yet again the end of this month i am facing feeling alone with only really the friends who are married and who never ever want to go out... but i know i coped with this in may...so il cope again now...and ilfind new friends eventually somewhere! Until then you have to carry on and learn to love yourself, and learn to love being with you...finding your own way to cope with things! You can do this i promise you and your well on your way already...concentrate on uni....you'l have a lot of work ahead of you and also lots of new people to meet... one of the reasons i am going ack to uni in october...to do ANOTHER degree! And in something completely different that i wouldnt of done with my ex.... life is suprising...and when your least expecting it something random, funny, interesting and new comes along....but i never usually does when your waiting, praying, hoping for it.... Link to comment
The Old B Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 Thank you for the welcome Clabs. Link to comment
Clabs Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 Hey TOB - no worries - stick around a while here fella - you have a lot to offer others! Mark Link to comment
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