If you're not christian don't bother

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I can't seem to find anyone that could help me with this, so even though I didn't want to put this here I am anyway. This is going to be kind of long, so I'm sorry.

 

When I was 10 years old I believed that I had a word from God. It was the only time I had ever thought that God had spoken to me. What it was that I thought I was hearing what that the reason my life was the way it was, and would continue to be that way was because he was preparing me for my first, last, and only. That the first person I would give a part of myself to would me my first last and only. Over the next 10 years I had never given any of myself to anyone. I only had one girlfriend, and that was a joke… a long joke, but a joke nonetheless. Last year I met someone, and before I knew it I was giving all I was to her. I didn't just invest a part of myself in her, but I put everything I was into her… Don't get me wrong; God was still my #1. We went through some tough time, and split up for a short while, but quickly got back together. Then last month everything changed, and now it looks as though I've lost her forever.

 

That weekend I went to a concert, and wasn't going to go to church. (I was thinking that if God's promise that I had been believing in was nothing, then it must all be nothing) Some things happened, and I ended up going to church the next day. On my drive to church I was thinking about how God had given me a strange word in a strange place. Then things got worse when me and my girl had broken up, but it still looked like it might happen. Now It looks impossible. Once I got to church Pastor was preaching on how Gideon was given a strange word in a strange place. Then God had him send everyone home that was afraid and things looked worse, but 16 to 1 was still possible, but not likely. Finally God had him send everyone home that didn't drink right, and now it was impossible to win, but God gave them the victory. That gave me a little confidence for a week.

 

The next week I was once again loosing faith. I felt like God was telling me to go down to the river… I didn't know what was going on, but I did it anyway. After sitting there for quite a while throwing sticks in the water and just watching them float away, I started to get a little frustrated and started arguing with God. The conversation went something like this.

 

Me: You apparently used Gideon to speak to me last week, but I haven't seen anything come out of it.

 

God: What was it that I have Gideon do once everything looked hopeless?

 

He went into the enemies' camp.

 

And what happened?

 

He heard someone's dream and took it as a sign from you.

 

Why did he take it as a sign form me?

 

I don't know… Maybe he recognized something? There was Bread in the dream… I guess maybe it was because he was baking bread when you first gave him his word.

 

OK

 

Well why am I here? I'm not hearing anyone's dream. Are you just wasting my time?

(At this point I'm really getting angry, and am walking back to my car)

 

God: Where were you when I first gave you your word

(I freeze and remember where I was. I was sitting by a stream by my house throwing sticks in the water and watching them float away just like I had been doing just minuets ago)

 

That was 3 weeks ago and once again I'm starting to think that its all just coincidence and the whole conversation was just my imagination. I've started a 7 day fast that I only today realized would bring me to the 40 day mark since everything blew up.

 

I just don't know what's going on. Is it all just coincidence? Is it all just in my mind? Every day that goes by doubt keeps creeping in. I don't know what to think anymore. I have everything in my spirit telling me to trust God, and everything else telling me to move on. I can't wait forever, and I can't just give up… what do I do?

[mealone]

well thats a hard one to answer. God talks to us in mysterious ways, dont give up your faith, he put you here for a reason. But I believe that he only offers some guidance its up to us to figure things out. As far as going to church, I have to say I haven't been in a while. Not that I don't believe in God, I do very much but I got disgusted with the politics involved in the church. I had the misfortune of seeing alot of it first hand where a priest I deeply respect got shafted to say the least, but he moved on with no hard feelings. He taught me alot. The bigest thing that he taught me is that its your faith and relationship with god that helps you through the tough times. God is always there to help, although at times it may not seam like it, he helps guide you but you have to do alot yourself, he dosent make it easy. You need to look inside yourself to see what you should do, things will work out, maybe not this time but eventually. I was raised Roman Catholic, but I don't attend services any more, I feel I have a good relation ship with god, on my own. I know this goes against all teachings, but it works for me. If you get a chance check out the movie Stigmata, it has alot of hollywood hype in it but if you really pay attention it has a very intersting look on things. I don't know if this helps any but follow your true feelings, it dosent always work out as you might like but somehow you will be stronger in the end.

[autumn]

Be careful in "pre-disposing" what YOU want to see happen. Don't exclude "non-Christians" from answering your post - this is a "closed" view on the greater picture and the world we live in. God uses PEOPLE, and after all, you have come here to seek advice from people.

 

So now you are questioning humans on a "word from God?" You are ready to let go of your faith based on one or a few experiences - experiences that you have doubts with? You are so overwhelmed now with the present that you are not seeing the whole picture - in fact, you are "accomodating" the true "Word of God" to your needs as you see fit. What about the portions in the Bible where people lose someone and come closer to God as a result (eg. Is. 6:1)?

 

I don't believe that God wants to control us. He loves us and cares about us. It is up to us to love Him back unconditionally, of our own choice. And such is life, full of choices, full of mistakes and learning experiences, - all opportunities to learn and to grow.

 

The Bible says that "God is love." "Love comes from God." "Perfect love casts out all fear." When we fall out of love with God, does He come after us with a chain? No, he doesn't. He has demonstrated His love to us, and ultimately, all relationships can be modeled after this relationship God has with us.

 

I know you want to see some "miraculous" answer to your prayers. You are even taking strong steps to demand answers from God - eg. fasting. Don't forget to look and listen in ways that God speaks to us through simple, everyday events and means.

 

Maybe the first thing you need to do is ACCEPT what has happened. Accepting things, good and bad, in our lives with faith can be a simple way of showing trust in God. A child trusts, accepts life as it comes, and doesn't think about the greater picture in life. Why do we complicate things so much?

[Kitty Gadol]

Thanks Autumn. I am a non-christian, but I respect that everybody has the right to choose what (or not) they want to believe in. 'God' gave man freewill...the choice to do what we want. Hence why we all make so many mistakes! Luckily, if we accept, and have trust, we learn from our mistakes. I am Pagan, and I trust 'Spirit'. If I feel I have had a 'sign' then I have. I do not question it. I trust in it.

I'm sure 'God' will give you the answer when the tme is right, and you keep quiet and still, and listen for it (But will you trust what you hear?)

If you have so many doubts and get angry with your creator, how can you hear what 'He' is telling you?

Love and light,

Kitty x